Okay, that title is somewhat misleading.
Why? Because I haven’t actually signed up for Facebook’s dating service.
In fact, I wasn’t even invited to join!
For the past week or so, various friends on my list have been posting about getting these pop-up invitations on their newsfeed but nope, not me. Not even one!
Don’t get me wrong, I’d never actually sign up anyway, but I’m still offended that I wasn’t even asked!
How rude! (©Stephanie Tanner)
This throwback status update somewhat captures how I feel about this situation.
My profile clearly states that I’m single, so I just don’t get it.
Since I’ve posted several pictures with women on my profile, perhaps the algorithm is confused?
Or maybe even Facebook thinks I’m better off alone?
What are you trying to tell me Zuckerberg? You don’t think I’m good enough for anyone? Is that it, huh?!
I should just adopt 30 cats and call it a life? Is that what the Facebook gods are hinting at?
Like I said though, even if Team Zuckerberg hits me with a pity invitation now that I’ve complained, I’d still never join.
Online dating isn’t really my thing.
Then again, neither is real world dating.
I’ve been in more of a “leave me the hell alone” phase lately. Maybe that’s why most of the pop-ads that I have received on Facebook were for restaurant delivery services!
It’s not that I’m opposed to having a special lady in my life, I’ve just been too busy and too lazy to seek out someone I’d truly vibe with.
That’s how I’ve ended up with most of the random psychopaths who’ve approached me instead.
It must be the law of attraction at work. I have no idea, but I do know that my parent’s hints for grandchildren haven’t gotten any more subtle!
There was one woman at the gym last week who was okay I guess, but she was more like leftover pizza, ya know?
Sure, I can microwave pizza or eat it cold and it’s not bad, but I’d never crave it like a freshly baked pie straight out of the oven.
That’s the kind of love I’m looking for.
I want to see fireworks and hear angels sing whenever she enters the room!
If it doesn’t feel like 90’s R&B then I don’t want it! And not just any old 90’s R&B, I’m talking about “Jodeci in jet black patent leather crying in the middle of the desert” 90’s R&B.
But hey, at least she wasn’t like that emergency can of tuna in the back of the pantry, right?
Ha, my bad. I’m sorry for all the food metaphors, I’m starving all of a sudden!
Hmm, maybe those Facebook restaurant ads were onto something after all…
Well played Zuckerberg…well played.
Anyway, please comment with your thoughts below!
Ex: Would you or have you signed up for the Facebook Dating App?
Ex: What apps or websites should I consider if I was actually going to sign up?
Ex: Do you heat your leftover pizza or eat it cold?
Pizza – Anti Up
Forever My Lady – Jodeci
Psycho – Post Malone ft. Ty Dolla $ign
Sweet But a Psycho – Ava Max
Bae Watch – A brief history of my strange dating history (2017) – Check it out by clicking here!
Darrell’s Flashback Ugly 90’s Fashion Show – I actually own that ugly Jodeci outfit! Check it out by clicking here!
I’m Not Your Biscuit – My thoughts on being a “side piece” – Check it out by clicking here!
Welcome to La Case de Amor – The #DoubleFML Valentine’s Day Special (2017) – Check it out by clicking here!
“May the Fork be With You…” – Darrell
Follow the Fat Darrell Facebook page on for all the memes your heart desires! Click the social media logos on the main menu NOW!