What’s up good people?  …and bad ones too.  Hey, I don’t discriminate…

I apologize in advance for any typos.  I accidentally cut my hand the other night so I’m typing this with a Band-Aid on my index finger, making it a little tricky to navigate the keys.

Why yes, those are poop emojis on the Band-Aid because, you know…adulting is hard.

I actually have a leadership conference with some of the big wigs over at Mercedes Benz Stadium later this evening and have yet to decide if I’ll take the Band-Aid off or not. 

Hey, everybody poops.  Even billionaires…

The only difference is that Arthur Blank’s toilet paper is probably made from 1,000 thread count Egyptian cotton and mine was purchased from The Dollar Store using spare change and a clip and save coupon. 

“Arthur Blank’s toilet paper is probably made from 1,000 thread count Egyptian cotton and mine was purchased from The Dollar Store using spare change and a clip and save coupon.” – Fat Darrell 

Anyway, welcome back to #DoubleFML FatDarrellPalooza!

If you’ve been following this blog from the beginning, the title may seem familiar.

…aside from the obvious homage to LL Cool J’s song “Going Back to Cali.”

One of my first posts was titled “I’m going back to Jersey…hmmm, I don’t think so.”

As an Atlanta transplant from New Jersey, I was super excited to explore the town of Jersey, GA to see if it was anything like my hometown.

Spoiler alert…it wasn’t. 

Not even close.

However, several months later I posted “96” which described a whirlwind trip back to The Garden State where I discovered that a Georgia, New Jersey also exists! 

Say Whaaat???

Although I didn’t have time to stop and explore at the time, I promised to someday return and check it out. 

Well guess what?  I finally did!

Yes, during my NJ adventure described last post, I made a side trip to finally bring this story full circle. 

That’s what you call “continuity” folks.  Look it up!

Surprisingly, this section of New Jersey was only 30 minutes or so from my hometown which was interesting since I never heard of it until that 96 trip. 

Of course, I also may not have been paying attention since Georgia wasn’t on my mind at the time.

Either way, I had to finally solve this mystery.  What would I find there?  Would it be full of peach stands and old ladies that looked like Paula Deen? 

Would I find a “Magic City North” where everyone has gold teeth grills and uses the phrase “no cap” every 5 seconds? (for those in need of an urban dictionary, that phrase means “no bs”…you’re welcome)

So many questions, it was time get answers.

In hindsight, since I wore my NJ hat and New York Red Bulls scarf for my trip to Jersey, GA, I should have worn my ATL hat and Atlanta United scarf for my trip to Georgia, Jersey.  That would have truly been poetic… like a haiku. 

Unfortunately, I forgot to pack those items so I went with the neon eyesore pineapple tee for the win!

Little did I know that tee would end up being the most exciting item in this godforsaken town!

After all this build-up and equally long intro, you’d think I had tons of exciting adventures to share during my visit but um…nope. 

No disrespect to anyone who lives in Georgia, Jersey but um yeah, your town sucks!  (What?  I said “no offense” first…)

Geez, and I thought Jersey, GA was boring.  Georgia, Jersey makes that place look like Six Flags! 

…which is ironic because Georgia, Jersey is literally 10 minutes away from Six Flags! 

The town itself though?  Wow…

I suppose my use of the word “town” is somewhat misleading though. 

Although it has its own exit on the interstate and is often referred to as such online, it’s really more of a subdivision on the outskirts of Freehold Township.

Since it’s really a whole lot of nothing,  let’s just cut to the photos instead of dragging this out.

As you can see, there are several rundown houses, one with goats and chickens running around it. 

If you read the Jersey, Georgia post though, the “punch buggy” Volkswagen Beetle on the lawn is a strange coincidence!  Hmm…

There are 3 churches and some guy has an old school plane on his front yard that looks like something Snoopy and the Red Baron would fly.

There’s a firehouse that technically isn’t even part of the town but the Smokey the Bear sign is at least interesting so I’ll include it anyway.

And there’s this creepy looking “resort” that I didn’t dare drive up to since it looks like something out of Deliverance. 

I’ve seen enough horror flicks to know how that would have played out.  The token black guy always dies first…

Aaaannnnd that’s it.

At least Jersey, GA had a gas station and a few stores!  They even had a restaurant and a post office! 

If push came to shove and I absolutely had to go back to one of these places, I’d actually pick Jersey, GA! 

Wow, now those are words I never thought I’d type…especially with a poop emoji Band-Aid on my finger. 

Although, I’d suppose that sums up my feelings about Georgia, Jersey. 

Poop emoji indeed.

Oh yeah, while we’re on the subject… (oh boy, nothing good can come from a poop segue can it?)

I’ve been on a Spring-cleaning kick lately finally cleaning up my apartment.  I even organized my linen closet which is where I found this gem!

Ha, I forgot I had this thing but it’s hilarious!  Although my face is brown too, so it’s still technically inaccurate…

The tee I’m wearing in the photo was also rediscovered during a deep clean of my wardrobe closet. 

Let’s take a closer look, shall we?

Yes, “Rock, Paper, Scissors Champion!” 

That gives a whole new meaning to “get these hands” eh? 

Aside from goofy shirts and towels, I also found change. 

No, that’s not some deep philosophical statement.  I mean literal change, like quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies…and lots of it!

I’m not rich enough to make it rain on the ladies at the strip club but I could definitely make it hail on them with all these coins! 

Back in the day, I would have taken them to TD Bank to use their Penny Arcade coin counting machine, but unfortunately, that’s no longer an option.  Besides, an article came out last year revealing that Penny was taking much more than the 7% she was supposed to each transaction.  NOT COOL PENNY!

I considered rolling them, but “ain’t nobody got time for that.”

That’s when I remembered Coinstar, which is like the modernized Penny Arcade located at several stores in my town. 

Hmm…I’ve always been curious about that machine, but after checking the website, I realized they took 11.9%!  Geez, that was even more than Penny!

However, after reading further, I realized that was only if you wanted cash.  If you were willing to accept the payment in the form of a gift card, you’d keep 100%!

You’ll have to check each location to see which gift cards they have available since they’re not all the same. 

My local Walmart only had movies and restaurant gift cards but my grocery store had Amazon where I shop several times per week.  Okay, NOW we’re talking.

Speaking of Amazon, DoubleFML is also an affiliate so click here before your next online shopping spree! https://amzn.to/2WH0qBB  You still get the same great deals and discount prices, we just earn a small commission for referring you.  Thanks for your support!😁

Although it was a pain, I lugged all those coins to my car, hoisted them into a shopping cart and spent nearly 30 minutes pouring change into that machine!  I tried to be discreet but that’s not easy to do when you’re dumping thousands of coins into a kiosk.  It sounded like I was playing the slots or something.

When it was all said and done, I scored a $264 gift card to Amazon! 

Had I taken the cash, it would have only been $233, which still isn’t bad but there’s no way I’d pay a $31 service fee.  Not today Coinstar!  Not today…

Anyway, if you have a bunch of coins lying around the house and a Coinstar kiosk available, you might want to flip them for a gift card or some dolla dolla bills y’all.

Change is good.

Today’s fit tip spins off of that last statement about change.  Changing your routine, your environment, your nutrition and even your gym clothes can possibly provide the spark you need to take your fitness goals to the next level.

Also remember that Spring-cleaning doesn’t just apply to your house, you may also need to clean up your mindset to eliminate negative thoughts and clean up your circle of friends to eliminate negative influences that could be holding your back from reaching your full potential.

Do you have a fitness question, goal or accomplishment you’d like to share?  Tell us in the comments below!

Today’s Soundtrack

Going Back to Cali – LL Cool J

Going Back to Cali – Biggie Smalls

Georgia On My Mind – Ray Charles

I’m the Sh%t (remix) – DJ Class ft. Kanye West

Paper, Scissors, Rock – Chris Brown ft. Timbaland and Big Sean

Make it Rain – Fat Joe ft. Lil Wayne

Changes – Tupac

Do you have another song that fits today’s themes or that’s just so great we should check it out anyway?  Tell us in the comments below! 

Before we go, let’s check out the “Foodie Holidays” that land between this and next post! 

Wow, cupcakes, strawberry shortcake and lobster?  Now we’re talking! 

Oh, and if you’re wondering, yes I did take the Band-Aid off before the Mercedes Benz Stadium leadership dinner I mentioned earlier. 

I also limited myself to one trip to the dinner buffet and made a somewhat human-sized portion for a change!  It took all the restraint in the world, but I did it!  #adulting 

…okay, I may have also snuck a dozen or so of these custom chocolates into my pockets but hey, baby steps, right?! 

Anyway, the President and the CEO were both there, along with several other department leaders, so it was a great opportunity.  Perhaps someday I too can have 1,000 thread count Egyptian cotton toilet paper.  #goals 

Oh yeah, and they also formally announced our recent wins for Sports Facility of the Year and Sports Team of the Year (Atlanta United) at the Sports Business Awards! 

That’s in addition to our win for Operations Staff of the Year, so please remind me to update my Linkedin profile later. 

Anyway, that’s about it for this week folks. 

Before you leave, please drop a comment below (no, seriously, DO IT!) and you can follow me on social media by clicking the logos on the side panel. 

Thanks again for dropping by!  Until next time my friends, May the Fork be With You…

– Darrell 

“A jealous friend is a dangerous enemy…”