This may be a case of “TMI” (that means “too much information if you’re lost), but I just got back from “Lonely Island.”  That’s what I call bathroom breaks when my cell phone isn’t charged. 

It was sad and boring.  I didn’t even have a book, so I ended up reading the entire Febreeze label…twice! 

Did you know the can is made from recyclable aluminum and you can’t use air freshening products around birds?  I do now….

Anyway, welcome back to #DoubleFML FatDarrellPalooza! 

So, last week I posted a meme about the sun trying to kill us like it does in Super Mario 3.

I also posted this status on my Facebook wall:

Funny stuff, eh?  I mean, who doesn’t know to protect themselves from the sun already? 

The answer is me.  Apparently, I don’t because here I sit with a heat rash covering my entire left forearm! 

I only think of sunscreen when I’m in vacation mode, so I totally forgot about long car rides.  I’ve been driving a lot lately, so the sun’s been slowly cooking my arm through the window like I’m a human Hot Pocket or something.

As painful as it sounds, that’s not even the worse part, it’s the look!

I was already rocking a farmer’s tan which was bad enough.  Now my left forearm is also 2 shades darker than the right! 

It’s like someone purchased one of those Crayola 120 boxes and started coloring with every shade of brown from tan to burnt sienna!  I look like a chocolate rainbow or something…

I’ve now started wearing a hoodie in the car, but it’s hard to remember when it’s 98 degrees outside!

I’m also not sure whether I should wear both sleeves or keep the right forearm exposed to match shades. Hmm…

Ah, first world problems…or “Darrell problems” I suppose.  Adulting is hard.

Speaking of which, as mentioned last post, my little nephew Domonick turned “The Big 07” on July 28^th! 

Although I couldn’t make the drive to Virginia from Atlanta to celebrate with him in person, the presents I mailed were a success!

One of my gifts to him was this Michael Jackson Smooth Criminal lamp that I purchased on Amazon (here’s the link to order one via our affiliate link if you’re interested https://amzn.to/2LMXzkp). 

I’ll have to see it in action.  I wouldn’t mind having one for myself! 

We’re both huge MJ fans and he always requests tacos for his birthday meal so even from a distance, my influence is strong! 

My parents and brother are always saying that I need to finally give Dom some cousins.  I don’t know about all that, especially until I find someone I’d want to have them with.  However, if I ever decide to have kids, I’m getting them this sippy cup!

Hmm, I wonder if they also make a Robin cup in case I have twins?  You know, the dynamic duo? 

Speaking of “dynamic duos” – look what else I found!

Admittedly, I haven’t had Cheez-it snacks in a long time so even though these came out a few months ago, they’re new to me! 

Oreo and Frito Lay have been rolling out strange combinations for a while now, but I had no idea Cheez-it had also joined the “Weird Flavor Gang.”

Bacon and Cheddar?  Sold. 

Then I spotted Jalapeno with Cheddar Jack, Caramel Popcorn with Cheddar, Sharp Cheddar with Parmesan, Cheddar Jack with Sharp Cheddar Pretzel and although it’s not a combo, you know I had to try Cheese Pizza too!

Yeah, I bought all 6…what? #onlygodcanjudgeme  Hmm, I’m going to need more chip clips…

Each flavor combination delivers from the sweet and salty caramel popcorn and sharp cheddar to the spicy kick from the jalapeno and cheddar jack combo!

That pizza flavor also delivers by the way!  According to the box, it was voted as the number one Cheez-it flavor by fans.  I can see why, although the bacon and cheddar could possibly give it a run for the money!

They’re each made from real cheese which is cool, but these aren’t health food by any means. 

You can potentially spare yourself a few lbs. with the whole grain options but as an occasional treat, this current batch is delicious. 

Welcome to the Weird Flavor Gang Cheez-it.  Welcome indeed.

Do you have a food item, restaurant or recipe we should try?  Tell us in the comments below!  Also join our Facebook foodie group, Phenomnomnomenal, by clicking here!

Oh yeah, speaking of “gangs” let’s take a closer look at that t-shirt, shall we?

Word.

Yeah, I know…like I said earlier, adulting is hard.

For the record, I actually washed the Cheez-its down with cranberry juice not milk though, so hooray for prostate health!  Yep, TMI is apparently the running theme this post…

One thing’s for sure, whatever you’re drinking, it won’t be through a plastic straw for very much longer!

Geez, the movement to ban plastic straws and stirrers sure escalated quickly!

In an effort to reduce ocean debris, entire cities and companies like Disney and Starbucks are planning to stop distributing straws to their guests. 

Hmm…I don’t think my local Starbucks got the memo! 

That Starbucks location is inside of a grocery store that’s also doubled-down on plastic straw sales in recent weeks.  Every end-cap was full of them! 

I should buy them all before they’re banned and sell them on the black market!  I can be the Tony Montana of Bendy Straws.  I’m going to be rich y’all!

Hmm, that might take a while though because Georgia doesn’t even have mandatory recycling yet.  I was in complete shock when I moved here from New Jersey and witnessed people tossing bottles into regular garbage cans!  I’ll have to confirm this info, but I think the official state motto is “F the Ocean!”…

Although protecting the environment is extremely important, the straw issue is complicated because many seniors and disabled citizens rely on them to function independently. 

The metal straws require the use of your hands to clean them properly, so hopefully an alternative solution is created for special populations.

For the rest of us, I don’t mind trying some of the alternatives…although several of the “solutions” contain even more plastic!  

The metal option is pricier but since they’re reusable, that makes sense.  I can’t imagine carrying a foldable straw in my pocket all the time though. 

As a guy, I have limited storage space during warmer months without a coat, so between my wallet and Chapstick, I’m already near maximum capacity. 

I refuse to carry a “man-purse” so I may have to start rocking cargo pants or something.  Fanny packs made a brief comeback last year, I should order one. 

It’s a lot to keep up with.  I’d probably forget it half the time and just drink straight from the cup instead…with no lid of course, because those are probably next to go. 

Actually, plastic silverware is also being phased out so remind me to invest in Swiss Army Knives…and chopsticks.

Another straw alternative is bamboo but glass and metal last longer.

Paper straws only work if you plan to guzzle your drink down like a drunken frat boy at a mixer.  If you sip your drink like a normal person, it dissolves and turns into a soggy mess!

Hmm, depending on the drink, they could hand out Twizzlers or peppermint sticks instead!  That would probably throw off the flavor though and I’m sure they’d charge a fortune for them.

Maybe I’ll start wearing those drinking straw glasses I had as a kid!  That would keep my hands free and I’d stay ready for impromptu beverage consumption.

Or maybe one of those beer can helmets?

In a “sad but true” statement, I already own both of these items,but after digging through my storage closet for 20 minutes, I had to tap out and move on.  They’re most likely near the cheesesteak hat that I also owe you a picture of.   

I’ll have to finally organize that closet one of these days.  My bad…

Either way, as an able-bodied citizen, I’m willing to do my part to help the environment.  I already have reusable water bottles and shopping bags, so this straw situation shouldn’t be too much of an adjustment.  Wow, that was one avocado toast and a manbun reference away from being the most hipster paragraph I’ve ever typed…

Don’t get me wrong though, I’ll still miss them dearly.  Drinking through a straw just feels more exciting for some reason.  Festive almost.  It’s a simple pleasure. 

As a kid, I used to randomly chew on straws for hours at a time.  In hindsight, that was pretty gross but hey, #yolo. 

I’ve also used them to pick my teeth a few times in a pinch! 

I will miss blowing the wrapper at people in restaurants like a third grader though, but all things come to an end at some point I suppose.   

I’d probably be more distraught and conflicted if I was a heavy coffee drinker.  I don’t use straws on a daily basis though, so I’ll contain my outrage until they ever try and ban Chapstick tubes!  That’s when it gets real…

“They can take our straws, but they’ll never take our lip balm!” – Braveheart 2018

Speaking of straws, today’s fitness tip is a reminder that sometimes you’ll have to “embrace the suck.”

I forgot where I first heard that quote but I’m crediting my brother with this one. 

I think he picked up the phrase during his days in the military. 

The premise is that things won’t always be perfect but learn to find joy in the process and get it done anyway.

Since social media and cosmetic surgery make it so easy to fake a fitness lifestyle in 2018, people often forget how much work truly goes into pursuing a goal. 

It’s not always pretty or glamorous with perfectly placed beads of sweat and inspirational hashtags.  No, sometimes it’s downright ugly! 

Don’t get caught up with comparisons, just stay focused on completing your personal journey on your terms at your own pace.

Making time in your busy schedule, pushing through intense workouts and ordering broccoli instead of fries is challenging but if you remain consistent and put in the work, I promise you will get there. 

If you dare to dream big enough, you’re going to face challenges, doubters and setbacks.  It happens and that’s okay.

As the saying goes, “the best view comes after the hardest climb.” 

The path may get difficult and exhausting at times, but do it anyway – it’s worth it.  Keep going! 

“Tough times don’t last forever, tough people do.”

Do you have a fitness question, goal or accomplishment you’d like to share?  Tell us about it in the comments below!

Today’s Soundtrack

I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing – Aerosmith (from the Armageddon movie Soundtrack)

Hot in Herre – Nelly

Smooth Criminal – Michael Jackson (the most referenced artist in this section by a mile!)

Big Cheese – Nirvana

Sippin’ on Some Syrup – Three 6 Mafia ft. UGK and Project Pat

Banned in the USA – 2 Live Crew

Do you have another song that fits today’s themes or that’s just so great we should check it out anyway?  Tell us in the comments below!

Before we close this one out, here are the “foodie holidays” that occur between this and next post!

Wow, I haven’t had an ice cream sandwich in ages!  I’ll have to celebrate on August 2^{nd  –}and perhaps again on the 4^th with a chocolate chip cookie version!  #teamgreedy

Speaking of chocolate chip cookies, check out these foodie notebooks I spotted while I was shopping for Cheez-its!

They also had this foodie lunch bag!

All the local stores are decked out with their back to school swag already. I completely forgot they start in August down here.  Back in Jersey, school always started in September.

This is the week I’d normally make my trip to Toronto for their annual Caribbean Carnival and OVO Festival but unfortunately that’s not in the cards this year. 

Next year I suppose, but I hope to at least catch the new Mission Impossible movie instead. 

It’s not quite as exciting as attending an international music festival but hey, it’s something right? “Embrace the suck” remember? 

What do you all have planned?  Tell me so I can live vicariously through.  Comment below!

Also click those social media icons on the side panel to follow me!

Okay, well that’s a wrap for today folks.

Until next time my friends, I wish you love, peace and tacos. 

May the Fork be With You…

-Darrell

“Be careful when you follow the masses.  Sometimes the ‘M’ is silent…”