That “No Strings Attached” tee should probably be worn by a waffle lover.  Don’t worry if you’re lost, that sentence will make a lot more sense later in this post when I explain my Mr. Breakfast theory.

Hmm, I’ll have to reread my “Kumquat and other words that sound unintentionally dirty post” to see if I included the word “cookie” though. 

By itself, it’s innocent enough but then again, so is “wiener.”  …and when’s the last time you typed “balls” without giggling?  Oh, and don’t even get me started on the eggplant and peach emojis…

Anyway, what’s up everybody?  Welcome back to #DoubleFML FatDarrellPalooza!

So, random thought:

#facts

If you haven’t seen the movie “Bad Santa,” it stars Billy Bob Thornton as a disgruntled mall Santa who’s a jerk to kids.  It came out back in 2003 though so I have no idea why I’m thinking about it now.  Subconscious “Christmas in July” thoughts perhaps? 

I didn’t catch any of them, but my friend Lynda said there was a Christmas movie marathon on Hallmark Channel last weekend.  That’s cool and all but I’m still rallying for a second Halloween in May too! It’s only fair. 

We can skip second Thanksgiving though, “pumpkin spiced everything” in June would be way too much…although I’ll take the turkey and mashed potatoes…and the pies.  #teamgreedy

Anyway, I’m typing this as my dishwasher finishes its drying cycle. 

What’s that?  Why yes, I’m using my dishwasher and yes, I typed that sentence while holding out my pinky since I feel extra boojee now! 

Granted, this thing looks like it’s straight from a 60’s sitcom!  Seriously, if I turn on some Bewitched reruns, I’m guessing that Samantha had one just like this!

Besides, I’m bragging about something most people have used their entire lives!  This is old tech.  It’s like me bragging about getting a new cd player or a VCR or something.  But whatever, it’s still new to me and I’m excited! 

In my childhood home, I WAS the dishwasher…even though we had a fully functional machine right next to the sink!  If you listened closely enough, you could probably hear the Sarah McLachlan “sad dogs song” playing in the background as I scrubbed each dish while the machine sat there taunting me with its presence.      

I’m not sure why my parents have always been anti-dishwasher, or why I’ve continued this tradition my entire adult life. 

So yeah, as crazy as it sounds, this is only my second time using one of these on my own.

I used a commercial one at my old job back in high school though.  I also helped my ex with her dishes whenever I visited, but at my place unsupervised?  This is uncharted territory.

If you’re a regular here, I mentioned trying to step into the 21^st century by attempting to use it when I first moved in this apartment.  However, the detergent pod didn’t open during the wash cycle like it was supposed to. 

After several failed attempts, I gave up and just went back to hand-washing.  The maintenance guy at my apartment complex finally convinced me to give it another shot with liquid soap instead though so here we are. 

My trust issues caused me to pre-wash each item to the point that I basically handwashed them already though!  So yeah, this will take a little getting used to but so far, so good.

So how should I follow-up my exciting discussion about basic kitchen appliances? 

I should probably come up with something totally badass and exciting to reengage my audience.  Something wild and crazy to show how fun I can be, you know?  

Okay, let me think….

Umm, cool topics.  Cool topics…

Hmm…

Oh, wait, I’ve got it!  Mr. Rogers.  Wait…what? 

No seriously, bear with me for a second!

Technically this is a current pop culture topic since Tom Hanks is set to star in an upcoming biopic about his life.  However, a separate documentary hit movie screens via limited release last month. 

I was always a big fan of his show as a kid and it was playing nearby, so I decided to check it out.

The odds of getting anyone else to come with me were slim to none, so I didn’t even bother asking!  Instead, I just set an early alarm on the 4^th and headed to a 10am matinee.

I’m not sure if it was due to the holiday or whether I got ripped off, but they still charged me full price!  I think I threw the theater staff off with my selection though since that’s probably the last movie they expected me to pick.  He asked me 3 times to confirm before he ran the sale! 

I guess I didn’t look the part since I had on a workout tee, ripped jeans, a snapback and Timberland boots.  It was just a documentary, not a funeral though.  What did they expect me to wear?  A full suit, monocle and top hat like the Monopoly man or something?  “Cheerio good sir…”

Perhaps I should have worn this again:

So, what does the audience for a July 4^th 10am matinee of a Mr. Rogers biopic look like?  There were 2 separate sets of senior citizen couples and yours truly!  Turn-up!  Ha, they were also confused when I walked in but hey, #yolo, right?

Truth be told, Fred Rogers WAS kind of a badass in his own way though.  Through his mild-mannered children’s program, he took on controversial subjects like war, death and racism.

For example, when blacks were being kicked out of pools in parts of the country during the late 60’s, Mr. Rogers had the black police chief on his show symbolically share a pool with him.  His very first episode dealt with The Vietnam War and he also filmed a series of PSA’s after the attacks on 9/11.  That’s bold, heady stuff for a preschool audience! 

Anyway, while it won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, the documentary was actually entertaining!  It definitely brings you back to a simpler time.  It also addresses rumors, urban legends and poses some interesting questions.

For example, I had no idea he was made the scapegoat for the lazy, entitled mentality that many seem to have now.  I’d think his message that “everyone is special” still meant you had to work to reach your potential but I suppose that’s open for interpretation. 

Either way, I’d better move on from this topic before I put a few of you to sleep.  If it makes you feel any better, shortcake Oreos are coming later in this post so hang in there!

It was great counterprogramming from the noisy-blockbusters though so I’m glad I went.  However, I didn’t make a clean escape because my buddy Champ happened to be in the lobby as I was walking out! 

Champ is one of my fitness buddies.  We talk about cool tough-guy stuff like weights, hip-hop, cars, women and sports.

Champ was there with a group of friends to see the hilarious looking Uncle Drew movie starring various NBA legends. 

I know this because Champ told me so. 

Of course, I never told him I had just watched a grown man in a cardigan talk through sock puppets for 90 minutes!  Hey, some things are better left unsaid, ya know?  Hello neighbor.

Anyway, another question that documentary asks is whether Mr. Rogers accomplished his mission of making the world a kinder place for people to express their feelings.  Hmm, I’d say that during his era, absolutely!  But I don’t think there’s room for anyone that genuinely nice on TV anymore.  It’s definitely a different world we live in now.

If you’re a regular here, you know I’m consistently biased toward the 90’s but I suppose some current kid’s shows are okay too. 

Sesame Street is still going strong and my friend Ameera’s daughter made me watch 5 back-to-back episodes of Little Einsteins last weekend which weren’t so bad.  I did miss the ending of the last one though.  The Whale Tale episode to be specific.  So, if anyone knows what happened after the rocket flew into the ocean, please let me know…

Ameera’s daughter is adorable though.  She’s only 4 but she talks and acts like an adult.  She’s hilarious!  I was going to post a picture with her, but then my 6-year-old nephew Domonick sent me this:

Geez…okay, point taken!  I don’t want any problems, so I’d better get permission to post another kid first. 

Before we move on though, check out Dom’s “Transformation Tuesday” pic! 

Flex on ’em Dom!

The one on the left is from when I went to visit him last year, so he really does have bigger guns now.  Ha too funny.  I laughed at his little milk mustache back then but apparently, it’s working!  Nice work little guy!

Before you ask, no he’s not lifting weights, but he does take karate, plays baseball and he lifts his bodyweight through push-ups and sit-ups which are absolutely safe for kids. 

As for actual weights, it’s way too early for those but kids should be encouraged to stay active and learn to move their own bodies, not just video game characters on a screen!

Do you have a fitness question, goal or accomplishment you’d like to share?  Tell us in the comments below!

While we’re on the subject of milk, check out this cookie idea that was shared with me on Facebook!

I’m not going to tempt fate and end up getting a ticket, but that’s a hilarious idea!

I may try this one my friend Noemi shared though (and no, that’s not her dirty car window, it’s just a meme!).  Since I live in “Hotlanta” they’d probably be done in less than an hour! 

I’ll just need a way to prevent my dashboard from catching fire!  That might be hard to explain to my insurance company!

Oh wow, wait that reminds me of this meme too…

Okay, I wasn’t going to do a round of What do you Meme so soon after the last edition but as your reward for sitting through those bizarre topics earlier, here’s a quick batch.  Enjoy!

We’ll start by picking up where we left off with motor vehicle accidents.  If you’ve been watching some of these dramatic World Cup performances, how true is this?!

Speaking of “staying in your own lane”…

This next one reminds me of my first date with an ex who lived in North Plainfield, NJ.  I couldn’t figure out why people were shooting fireworks in November until she explained they weren’t fireworks… Oh. *gulp*

Second Halloween people!  Make it happen…

‘Murica.

Hmm, I may have to try this next year…

#facts

It’s getting hot out there y’all…

This next and final one is pretty deep… Hello Neighbor.

Anyway, let’s move on shall we?

More specifically, I’d like to continue the pancakes vs waffles debate!

I first proposed this theory in my “Mr. Breakfast” column on the Beloved Shirts website.  You can check out that full article by clicking here!

(*You can also use discount code DOUBLEFML to save 10% if you make a purchase)

If you’ve already read that column, feel free to skip ahead.  To bring the rest of you up to speed though, here are a few excerpts:  

“I’ve figured out that you might be able to predict the future of your relationship by offering your potential bae one simple choice:  pancakes or waffles? 

Now, before I continue, I realize there are several other menu options like French toast, omelets and oatmeal that could potentially throw a curveball in this test. 

With that said, you’ll have to get them to focus on solely choosing between pancakes or waffles.  That decision will tell you all you need to know my friend. 

Oh yeah, and if they try to order cereal with colorful marshmallows instead, you might want to check their ID since it’s entirely possible you’re dating a toddler. 

Now that I’ve addressed these important disclaimers, here’s what I’ve learned from my limited sample size of train wreck relationships: 

Long story short, waffles are for dating but pancakes are for mating.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!  Yeah, I said it and I’m sure that Leslie Knope fans are currently flipping me the finger through the screen but hey, don’t shoot the messenger! 

Hear me out on this for a second…

Look, waffles are cool and all but close your eyes and think about pancakes for a moment.  No, seriously!  Go on, I’ll wait…

I bet you thought of an entire stack, right? 

Look at my shirt, it’s like a tiny family of pancakes.  You’ve got Mom and Dad laying the foundation that the kids are raised upon. Aww…I know, heart emojis, right? 

It’s beautiful isn’t it?  Poetic even.  It’s like a carb-filled haiku.  That’s because pancakes stick together.  Pancakes are loyal.  Only a weirdo eats one pancake, but most people eat one waffle! 

If I were to use an outdated Sex and the City reference (which I’m totally about to…), pancakes are like Charlotte.  Sweet, wholesome and ready to settle down.

Waffles on the other hand are like Samantha.  Fun to chill with in the hotel lobby but then they’re on to the next.  Waffles are about that single life.  Straight up scandalous!

“But Darrell, what about frozen waffles?  Those come in pairs?”

Sure, they do, but they start off ice cold.  Frigid even.  Is that really what you want?

Besides, they’re all about instant gratification which still causes me to question their intentions. 

Oh, you don’t want to take the time to crack a few eggs, sift some flour or stir the milk, huh?  No, you just want to hop inside my toaster and start dripping syrup.  Like I said, scandalous!

Plus, waffles aren’t even that filling.  They’re more like a dessert while pancakes are an actual meal.

At this point in life, I’m looking for something real, ya know? 

Pancakes require a deeper commitment.  Waffles lack depth.

And okay, I’ll admit that waffles are prettier on the surface.  I mean, look at them with their perfectly sculpted “abs” but is that all you’re attracted to? 

I mean, sure, I work out too, but would you still appreciate me when I’m fluffy? 

Pancakes aren’t always the perfect shape or size, and I say that’s beautiful.  Don’t body shame my breakfast.  Don’t we all deserve love?

Anyway, like I said, this is still a working theory but for now, I’m sticking to it!”

So, am I wrong? Think through your dating history and ask a few couples.  Let’s get some more data for this theory! 

In the meantime, comment below and use the hashtag #teampancakes or #teamwaffles to cast your vote!

Last but not least, I couldn’t resist the latest release from Oreo. 

At this point, I might as well stop with the disclaimers and embrace the fact that I’ll most likely try each new flavor.  That’s just who I am people, I can’t help myself.

Anyway, this latest batch was inspired by the Good Humor strawberry shortcake ice cream bars!  Along with ice cream sandwiches and chocolate eclairs, strawberry shortcake was always one of my “go-to” orders on ice cream day at my elementary school!

I had no idea these had already hit store shelves until Melinda Corse and Angie Charpentier started talking about them in our Facebook Foodie group, Phenomnomnomenal (join now by clicking here)!  But alas, here they are!

If you’re a regular here, you know we discuss Oreos a lot in this column so there really isn’t much more intro necessary.  They’re new, they’re here, let’s taste!

The Verdict: Ha, okay these bring me back lol they really do taste like the Good Humor bars!  Melinda suggested trying them cold and that sounds like a great idea!  I’m going to chill these for the next round, but even at room temperature, they’re pretty awesome! 

The strawberry bits they added taste just like the coating of the classic ice cream bars! 

At this point, aside from original Oreos remaining at number 1 (and Swedish Fish remaining last), I have no idea what the rest of my rankings would look like.  I may have to try them all again to compile a top 10 list!  Wait a minute, one of my friends was supposed to have an Oreo party back in the spring but it never happened.  Get to work Kathleen Flynn! 

Anyway, while I’m currently unsure of the exact order for my top 10, I can guarantee these will make the list!  They’re grrreeeeaaat!  Sorry, wrong company.  Although a Frosted Flakes flavor would be interesting.  Hmmm

Do you have another food item, restaurant or recipe we should all try?  Tell us about it in the comments below!

Today’s Soundtrack

Nookie – Limp Bizkit

Pink Cookies In A Plastic Bag Getting Crushed By Buildings – LL Cool J

Angel – Sarah McLachlan (the “sad dogs song”)

Pancake – Jaded ft. Ashnikko

APES**T – The Carters

Do you have another song that fits today’s themes or that’s just so good we should check it out anyway?  Tell us about it in the comments below!

Ah, man I miss the “What’s Up With That” SNL sketches that dancing clip came from!

Also, shoutout to the legendary LL Cool J for one of the most bizarre titles in the history of mankind!  Great song though.

Anyway, here are the “foodie holidays” that fall between this and next week’s post!

Oh boy, ice cream and corn fritters on the same day?  I’d better call my father to make sure he doesn’t eat himself sick that day!  Those are 2 of his favorites.  Well, more corn bread than fritters but if my mom makes them, I seriously doubt he’d turn them down!

Monday is also “Prime Day” over at Amazon where you can catch a ton of flash sales and deals throughout the event!  If you’re planning to check them out, please do so via our affiliate link by clicking here.

You still get the same great deals, we just earn a small commission for referring you.  Thanks for your support!

Okay, that about does it for this week everybody.  Feel free to continue to discussion by dropping a comment below and follow me on social media by clicking the logos on the side panel.

And don’t forget to vote! 

What say ye?  Pancakes or waffles?  Inquiring minds want to know!

Until next time my friends, May the Fork be With You…

-Darrell

“People will push you away and then say you gave up on them…”