Ah, my poor neighbors.

I think the funniest part about the featured cover photos is that I’m not even wearing a dragon costume!

It actually looks more like whatever Godzilla is supposed to be. A giant lizard? A dinosaur? A “Darrell-saur”?

Darrellsaurus Rex, if you will?

In a way, my strange behavior could also be viewed as a public service and a selfless act of kindness for the community.

I mean, no one ever needs to worry about being looked upon as “the weirdo neighbor” in my apartment complex. I’ve already got that covered! You see, not all heroes wear capes folks…

And yes, I did actually wear that dino-onesie outside, but it’s honestly not the worst outfit I’ve seen worn in public recently!

Ladies and gentleman of the court, I present to you, exhibit A!

Um, LeBron…what are you wearing bruh?

Seriously, what am I looking at here? It looks like a boujee prep school uniform or the high fashion version of a mullet. Business up top, party down below, eh? A “TuxSpeedo” perhaps?

Hmm, I suppose this outfit would come in handy for pastors who need to perform water baptisms though….

Wait a minute, he’s not even wearing matching socks? Was that on purpose too? Does that complete the look? I’m so confused right now. Hmm, maybe LeBron also took an Ambien before getting dressed? I hear those have interesting side effects lately…

Apparently, the social media Twitterverse is confused too though! The comments have ranged all the way from “cutting edge and innovative” to “man-purse carrying spawn of Satan,” so the reaction has been mixed to say the least!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a bandwagon LeBron hater. He’s one of the most talented basketball players of all time and he does great things for the community.

That’s all well and good but I sure won’t be looking to him for wardrobe advice!

Granted, I’m no fashion icon myself. Half of my closet is filled with workout clothes, foodie tank tops and ironic tees so what do I know? Still, I’d choose my pancake tank top (<- remember this statement, that’s what you call foreshadowing boys and girls…) over his shorts suit any day!

Hey, at least I’m in on the joke when I wear my crazy getups! I think his ensemble was meant to be taken seriously…intimidating even. And to an extent, I absolutely agree – that’s definitely one scary outfit!

He even capped it off with an angry scowl on his face. He’s like “step back fool or I’ll backhand slap you with this alligator skin leather sequined bag…grrrrr.”

Actually, instead of just having the bottom half of his pants missing, the designer (Thom Browne) should have “Incredible Hulked” the entire outfit with rips and shreds everywhere as though he flexed his way out of the suit Dr. Bruce Banner style. Now that would be kind of cool I suppose.

Although, Mr. Browne is doing quite well for himself without advice from a fashion misfit like me! Do you realize that suit and bag cost over $46,000?!

That’s an entire year’s salary for many households!

Most people couldn’t afford that getup even if they wanted to. However, that’s a good thing in my opinion. I mean, do we really need a ton of these short suits in the world? Um, no.

Just take your basic self over to Macy’s and Burlington Coat Factory like the rest of us. Or better yet, go to Jos A. Banks and get yourself 15 suits for 20 dollars! That place is always running some ridiculous sale.

Why? Because ugly capri short suits just aren’t for everyone my friend. That outfit is only fit for a king…or King James in this case.

Everyone talks about “privilege” when it comes to race and gender, but there’s also privilege when it comes to ugly outfits and unfortunately, most of us don’t qualify.

I know this may be upsetting news. Believe me, I don’t take joy in crushing your high-water exposed shin dreams but please allow me break this down for you.

In order to wear an outfit that ugly without judgement, you’ll need to fall into one of the following categories:

If you’re 8 or Below – Nobody ever questions an 8-year-old wearing a full space suit with a princess tiara and a superhero cape at the same time. You get a full pass.

If you’re a puppy or a panda or something – see description for 8 or below.

If you’re 80 and up – The bar for this category used to be 70 but 80 is even being reconsidered now.

Seniors are mentally and physically stronger than in years past. This necessitates pushing the “acceptable ugly pants outside of a golf course” threshold back as our life spans increase.

I mean, if you can dance, drive and crush a sudoku puzzle in 10 minutes or less, you’re probably also capable of matching your belt and shoes.

This is a fluid situation that will need to be addressed on a case by case basis though.

In the meantime, enjoy your random profanity privileges and the right to drive with your left blinker on the entire time. You earned it Gramps!

If you’re in Walmart – If you find yourself surrounded by Walmartians, just go ahead and wear whatever you want, you should blend right in…hmm, I suppose that also applies to Comic Cons.

And finally, if you’re an artist, entertainer, athlete or celebrity – This is the safe zone that LeBron dwells in. This is also how Cam Newton got away with rocking that romper last year. Damn Cam… I’m glad that trend didn’t catch on!

Oh, and before you assume it’s only black athletes wearing this nonsense, here’s looking at you “El Matador TB12” (Tom Brady)!

Of course, this is all in good fun. If you’re a regular here, you know that I’ve consistently encouraged you to ignore the haters ever since my very first post.

Always be unapologetically you. Let your freak flag fly and if the world can’t handle it, that’s their problem.

You’re not a pizza.  You can’t please everyone. 

People will always find a reason to judge you so if rocking a capri pants suit makes you happy, go for it I suppose. As for me? Um yeah, that’s a hard pass LeBron. No thanks.

What’s your opinion of LeBron’s shorts suit though?  Fashion Forward or Fashion Failure?  Sound off in the comments below!

I think the funniest part about some of these new looks is that the price increases as the material decreases. Yet, people happily accept that!

Think about it. You can get a regular pair of jeans for around $50 but If they have rips and holes in them, those same jeans cost $100!

And now they have jeans with HUGE holes in them where almost the entire pant leg is missing that cost over $200? Huh?!

I’m about to post a piece of string on eBay under the listing “Super Duper Distressed Jeans *HOT Summer LOOK*” for a grand. Hey, I’m sure at least a few “fashionistas” will bid on it!

On the opposite end of the fabric coverage spectrum, do any of my fellow 90’s kids remember those crazy looking Jnco jeans? Well, they’re making a comeback. No, seriously. I have no idea why, but it’s true!

Wow. If I were forced to choose between wearing LeBron’s shorts suit or Jnco’s, that would actually be a tough call!

Hmm… if I had to rank the outfits we’ve discussed so far, I’d probably wear Tom Brady’s “Blackstone the Magician” outfit first and Cam Newton’s romper last. The rest would fell somewhere in the middle…but I digress (as usual).

For those who are unfamiliar, Jnco jeans are these extreme bell bottom flared pants that were popular at raves and skate parks back in the day.

The way they’re designed causes them to drag on the ground collecting cigarette butts and every piece of gum and debris along your path, so I suppose they’re good for the environment in that regard. Hey, I’m all for keeping the streets clean. #savetheplanet

I have no idea why they’re bringing these back though, but they should hit retailers again soon. Yet people wonder why I still have my ugly leather pants in storage. It’s only a matter of time people… #waitforit

Anyway, it’s way too hot for leather pants or extra baggy jeans today which is why it’s time to shift gears and discuss ice cream y’all!

Yes, we’ve discussed ice cream several times recently but um, you’re aware it’s almost summer, right? Besides, ice cream is delicious, so know this won’t be the last time…

Anyway, I mentioned dragons in the title because I got to breathe fire earlier today! Well…sort of.

I finally got to try the “dragons breath” liquid nitrogen snack trend for myself at this local spot “Kremo Ice Cream” in Duluth, GA!

For those who are unfamiliar with these treats, liquid nitrogen is poured over puffy desserts like marshmallows, cereal or in this case, cheese balls and then flash frozen. The result is a cup full of snacks that looks like it came straight out of a Disney villain’s lair!

As mentioned, the shop I went to only had cheese balls available but honestly, that’s probably what I would have ordered if given the chance anyway!

The smoke effect is supposed to last for a while and I’ve seen videos online of people with smoke pouring out of their mouths and noses. Unfortunately, I don’t think they made these correctly. ☹

The skewers provided are supposed to be necessary because the contents should be way too cold to touch directly.

So, I’m either a cold-hearted snake (I’ve been called worse…) or that was a very weak batch. I was able to toss them into my mouth by hand and the effect lasted less than a minute with a minimalistic mist cloud even during that time.

But hey, it was still fun while it lasted I suppose. Check it out!

 

After that, I was left with a tiny $7 cup of regular Cheetos. Blah.

I’d still love to get the full dragon’s breath effect someday, but the staff was sweet, and I know they tried their best so it is what it is.

I’m guessing they don’t make these very often at this location though because their rolled ice cream is the true star …and boy did it deliver!

Their specialty is making rolled ice cream on-demand and it’s fascinating to witness in person! I may go back to film this entire process or try it myself someday, but they literally pour cream, shaved ice and your choice of fresh local ingredients on a cold surface to create amazing looking ice cream rolls right before your very eyes!

It’s actually magical to watch. Perhaps they should have borrowed Tom Brady’s jacket…

Anyway, check out some of their work!

Of course, you know that I ordered the cookies and cream (my favorite) so the toppings I selected were Oreos (shocker, I know!), graham crackers and chocolate syrup. Here’s how it came out…

The pictures hardly do it justice but know that it tasted even more delicious than it looks – it was Phenomnomnomenal!

The real magic trick was how quickly I made that cup disappear! It never stood a chance…

I’ll definitely be back for more rolled ice cream deliciousness someday but in the meantime, get your nitrogen skills up Kremo! I want to breathe fire next time! Rawr.

Do you have another food item, restaurant or recipe we should all try? Tell us about it in the comments below! Also make sure to join our Facebook Foodie Group, Phenomnomnomenal, by clicking this link!

Oh yeah, speaking of dragons, did you notice my Bruce Lee shirt in the video (check out my full write up on that shirt by clicking here)?

I figured it was better than wearing that dino-onesie.

Although, I can’t promise the same for my next visit….

Of course, summer bodies aren’t made with ice cream and Cheetos…unless the shape that you’re aiming for is round.

Fortunately, I’ve found a few amazing healthy alternatives!

The first are the new protein shake flavors from BSN Syntha-6 inspired by ice cream creations from Cold Stone Creamery! (Shoutout to Jin Yoo for letting me know about these first!)

Wow, I’m glad I proofread that last paragraph because I accidentally typed “Stone Cold Creamery” by mistake!

Cold Stone is the popular ice cream chain, “Stone Cold Steve Austin” was a WWE wrestler famous for drinking beer and flipping people off! Whoops.

I’m not mad at the idea of him opening a rival ice cream shop though. It would actually be hilarious to watch him yell and stun people for taking too long to decide between whipped cream or walnuts as their topping! But again, I digress.

What were we talking about again? Oh yeah, BSN Syntha 6…

So, check it out, these are the 3 new flavors they rolled out nationally last week!

There’s Birthday Cake Remix, Germanchokolatekake (German Chocolate Cake) and Mint Mint Chocolate Chocolate Chip (no, my keyboard isn’t stuck, that’s what it’s called).

Although the German Chocolate Cake is my personal fave, you really can’t go wrong with any of these!

Syntha 6 has always been one of the best tasting proteins on the market so partnering with one of the hottest (or um coolest) ice cream chains was like when Bugs Bunny recruited Michael Jordan in Space Jam!

Not only do these shakes taste just like ice cream, there are actual sprinkles in the Birthday Cake flavor and real cookie bits in the other 2!

Best of all, they still manage to pack 22 grams of protein in under 200 calories! Say whaaat?!

Sure, there are protein blends that contain a bit less sugar and carbohydrates so if you’re in “super serious bodybuilder mode”, this may not be your go-to brand.

Under normal circumstances though or for those who normally hate shakes, this is a delicious way to refuel after a workout! It should also help curb those ice cream cravings until your “cheat day” when you can have the real thing!

Wow, way to go BSN! I’m impressed! I’ll definitely have to try freezing a batch next time!

Of course, the title says 4 and I already alluded to my pancake tank top earlier, so you know there’s one more frozen treat to discuss! Oh yeah, and this one is healthy too!

Nope, this isn’t another shake. It’s actual ice cream from Halo Top Creamery!

I’ll forgo the full intro to this brand since I already featured them in an earlier post that you can check out by clicking here.

However, this flavor didn’t exist back when we first discussed this company! LOOK!

Pancakes and Waffles! What?! (shoutout to Eliza Glab for telling me about this one too!)

Like I said, if you want the full scoop (<see what I did there?) on Halo Top ice cream, read the post I shared above.

There’s no time for any more background folks, I’m ready to taste this already!

The verdict: OMG! This really tastes just like pancakes or waffles and syrup…with a scoop of ice cream on top! Ha, wow this is hilarious!

Although I was game to try this, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. If you read my review of the Pancakes and syrup flavored Peeps around Easter, they were a tremendous buzzkill. But not this! This may not make it through the next hour!

The great thing about Halo Top is that it won’t matter when I devour this entire container because the whole thing is only 280 calories. with all-natural ingredients and 20 grams of protein!

I do have to warn you that these only come in pint sizes though and they’re also not cheap! What they are however, is healthy and delicious. Those words aren’t often paired together so if you like pancakes, I strongly suggest checking this out!

Do you have a fitness question, goal or accomplishment you’d like to share? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Today’s Soundtrack

Fashion – Lady Gaga

Hate Me Now – Nas ft. Puff Daddy

Ice Cream – Raekwon ft. Ghostface Killah, Method Man and Cappadonna

Cold Hearted  – Paula Abdul (If this one didn’t jump out when I typed the words earlier, you fail at 90’s pop music jeopardy)

Shake Whatcha’ Mama Gave Ya’ – Poison Clan (Especially if mama gave you some Syntha 6!)

Space Jam – Quad City DJ’s (rumor has it, LeBron is supposed to star in the sequel. Thoughts?)

Do you have another song that fits today’s themes or that doesn’t but it just so amazing we should check it out anyway? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Before we wrap this one up, here’s your list of foodie holidays that occur between now and next post!

 

How timely was that German Chocolate Cake reference earlier?  Although I now see that my ice tea reviews last post were a week too early!  Whoops.

As always, please drop a comment below before you leave!  Also click the social media icons on the side panel to follow me on Facebook, Instagram and more!

Also hit that “like” button at the bottom of the page and feel free to share this post as well.  I don’t want to be your dirty little secret, I want you to tell all of your friends! 

Alright folks, that about does it for this post.  I’m going to finish that pancake and waffle flavored ice cream now!

Oh yeah, and if you liked that pancake tank top, check out the #DoubleFML Deals and Discounts page where you can order your very own and save money in the process!

Okay, now run along and carpe the hell out of this diem!  Let’s make it a great week everybody!

Until next time my friends, May the Fork be With You…

-Darrell

“I asked God to remove all the negative people in my life and I almost died…” – Cardi B