Although we’re a few days removed from Mother’s Day, I hope that all of the Moms out there enjoyed their special day….especially mine!

I know that brunches are extremely popular on this day, which reminds me that my client Fran recently shamed me because I have yet to try Chick-Fila’s breakfast options! 

Although I still claim New Jersey as my home, I may get kicked out of Atlanta if I don’t try their entire menu soon. What can I say? I’m more of a lunch guy when it comes to fast food.

Anyway, what’s up everybody? Welcome back to #DoubleFML FatDarrellPalooza!

So, here I sit in the Hardees (aka Carl’s Jr) parking lot, dejected and sad. ☹

“Why are you sitting outside of Hardees, Darrell? Is it for the free wi-fi” you ask?
Well…yes actually, but that’s not the only reason.

I’m sad because I apparently missed out on their Rib Burger, which was literally a giant pile of rib meat stacked on top of a 1/3-pound angus beef patty and drizzled in BBQ sauce. Whoa!

I’d been daydreaming about trying this thing throughout the entire 20-minute drive from my house so when the Hardees employee said they were no longer available, I felt like the sad kid still holding the string after someone popped his balloon.

She said they hadn’t had them for at least a year? Wait, huh? I just looked it up an hour ago! I was so confused. How could this happen? How DARE you Carl Jr.?!  ….and your presumptive father, Carl Sr.? Maybe your names should have been Judas instead! I feel so betrayed right now.

You know that noise they make on The Price is Right when you overbid? I’m sure it was just my imagination, but I swear I heard that sound along with the sad studio audience’s pity groan. Talk about foodie blue balls. Geez.

Anyway, I’m currently taking a minute in the car to regroup.

So, how did this colossal failure happen? Well, I think I’ve figured it out now.

It all started a few days ago when I saw a similar “ribs on burger” creation from another restaurant posted on Facebook (if you’re not in our Facebook Foodie group, you’re missing out! Click here to join NOW!).

That version still had bones inside of the ribs though. Bones? “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

That’s when I remembered the endless commercials and flyers I’d seen advertising the return of Hardees Memphis BBQ Burger that featured pulled pork on top of a burger.

While that also looked great, the Facebook rib burger was my most recent memory. So clearly my wires got crossed when I did a Google Search for “Hardees Rib Burger.”

Well, guess what? That actually existed last May! I was so distracted by the delicious photos that I didn’t pay attention to the “2017” date though. Apparently, they roll out a double meat related BBQ burger around the same time each year? In the final section of this post you’ll see that National BBQ day is on May 19th, so I suppose that makes sense.

Since they brought back the Memphis BBQ Burger (which originally debuted several years ago), perhaps the Rib Burger will also return someday. In the meantime, I may have to make one myself. The photos made me literally want to lick my cell phone screen…….again (wait, what?).

Unlike the Facebook concept burger, Hardees Rib Burger was also boneless! Mmm, Bon Appetit!

Oh, yeah I know what you’re thinking. Fast food rib meat is a dicey proposition, but it looked pretty legit in the pictures!

This was no McRib…although, truth be told, those are delicious too! Or at least they were from what I remember. The last one I had was at least 6 years ago, but I used to live for those announcements whenever they returned! The chopped onions? The pickles? The sauce? Oh my…

Rumor has it, the “meat” was created with the same rubber material that yoga mats are made from? If that’s true, I may have to start taking yoga again because those mats are apparently quite tasty! Namaste.

Anyway, I drove all the way out here, I’m hungry (shocker!) and the Memphis BBQ Burger does look pretty good too. So, I’m now mentally wrapping my brain around the fact that I won’t have ribs today before I head back inside to place my order for one of those instead.

You know, I literally risked my life to get here? No, seriously, there’s a safety recall on my car that I haven’t gotten fixed yet. I’ll have to bring it in soon because according to this urgent letter, the steering wheel is at risk of falling off! I’m not a mechanic or anything, but I’d imagine that losing my steering wheel might be a problem…

Don’t worry though, aside from the gym, I honestly haven’t driven much since I got that letter. People think my life is so exciting, but my entire weekend was basically spent alone eating pizza and binge watching Ancient Aliens on The History Channel. I know, “turn up” right?

Don’t worry, I’m not diving into strange alien talk again this post! I will say however, that if aliens do actually exist, I hope they’re more like Alf than like Independence Day!

Those Independence Day aliens were out there destroying national landmarks and trying to erase humanity, so I’ll pass on them!

Alf on the other hand was just a short little brown guy who made bad puns and ate all the time. I can deal with Alf…hell, based on that description, I AM Alf.

“Alf on the other hand was just a short little brown guy who made bad puns and ate all the time. I can deal with Alf…hell, based on that description, I AM Alf.” – Fat Darrell

Even if I need to drive before getting this recall fixed though, I built up some solid karma the other day! If you follow me on social media, you may know what I’m talking about already (if you’re not following me yet, you can do so by clicking the logos on the main menu!) but yeah, this happened:

I’d adjust my halo, but I threw out my shoulder while patting myself on the back again just now…

I tried to follow it up by saying hello to the crotchety old man who lives downstairs, but he ignored me! I hate when I fully commit to suppressing my “inner Jersey” by actually speaking to someone and they blow me off! It’s like those awkward Tom Brady high-five videos from a few years ago. Boy would I take back my “how ya doin” nod and wave if I could! The nerve…

I’m just kidding of course (sorta)! It always feels good to be kind…or at least it’s supposed to.

I need to start volunteering more often so I can “do unto others” and “pay it forward.” All that good stuff, ya know? Namaste. Great, now I want a delicious BBQ yoga mat ‘sammich’ again….mmm.

Oh, since we’re talking about BBQ so much this post, check out this tee!

If you’re a fan of Jay-Z or of Motley Crew before him, the shirt refers to their song “Girls Girls Girls” (separate songs, same title)!

I’d almost forgotten about this shirt but I spotted it the other day while avoiding doing laundry yet again.

Ya know, skipping laundry day is all fun and games until you’re stuck wearing the “emergency Sponge Bob and Patrick boxers.” I learned that the hard way.

“Skipping laundry day is all fun and games until you’re stuck wearing the ’emergency Sponge Bob and Patrick boxers’…” – Fat Darrell

Anyway, how many dumb tees do I own? I honestly don’t know, but hey, at least they’re just shirts and not tattoos!

Oh yeah, that reminds me – check out these tattoo related memes that were sent to me after the ink discussion last post:

That meme Cindy shared is exactly what I was talking about last post! When Americans travel to Asia with those “deep Chinese letter” tatoos, I’d imagine this is how we must look too!

Eh, since we’re already 2 deep into meme sharing, we might as well make it official with another quick round of “What Do You Meme” where I share funny content that was shared with me online. Just a few though, I can smell the food coming from this restaurant so it’s about time that I place my order. 

Let me begin by first asking what kind of fish this is???  A Kardash-salmon?

Speaking of doppelgangers…this question seemed valid if you ask me!

I don’t do drugs but I definitely do Oreos!  I’ve taken down a whole bag on cheat days!  (I told you I was hijacking your meme Cynthia Butler!)

Hey, #yolo, right?!

Hang in there folks!

Seriously, I thought the exact same thing! Well played Mom and Dad…well played.

Here are a few relationship memes – but that 6-pack one isn’t necessarily true!  You can be fit and still love pasta!  

Speaking of the gym…

And here are a few for the nerds!  If you’ve seen The Avengers Infinity War, this is actually hilarious…

Anyway, enough of that. I’m starving! Well, at least by coddled American standards. I haven’t eaten in at least 2 hours! Woe is me. #survivor

But yeah, let’s eat!

Since my blog posts are long-form and read more like an online talk show than the traditional “2 paragraphs and a picture” version, I’d imagine that some of you skip around. So, for those of you who jumped straight to this review, here’s what’s on the Hardees (Carl’s Jr.) Memphis BBQ Thickburger according to their official menu:

“The Memphis BBQ Thickburger® features a 1/3 lb. charbroiled 100% Black Angus beef patty, smoked pulled pork, Memphis BBQ sauce, crispy fried onions, and American cheese on a Premium Bun.”

Oh yeah. I’m excited already! I’m sure it’s delicious.

Truth be told, Hardees is one of my favorite fast food chains. I spent most of my life in Central, New Jersey where we didn’t have this chain. Instead, it was a key destination whenever I went to visit my parents in South Carolina.

Although I currently live in The South where these restaurants are fairly common, I don’t go much since

a) I like my abs

and

b) Since it’s like teleporting to fond memories of my parents, I don’t want to cheapen the experience by going every week.

Aww, sweet huh? See? This Jersey guy does have a heart.

As for why I said “Central, Jersey” when most people know that I lived near the Jersey Shore, I hate saying that ever since the MTV show premiered several years ago.

Seriously, any time that I say “Jersey Shore” now, people immediately think my skin is neon orange, I do the “Jersey fist pump” dance and I’ve dated women with big poofy hair like Snooki! Meanwhile, only one of those is actually true (feel free to take your guess below in the comments section…)

Although Jersey sarcasm flows through these veins of mine, you should hear me place my orders. I’m so sweet and polite. Seriously, I’m like an absolute choir boy!

These raving lunatics who pop off and run their mouths to people handling their food possess a level of trust I will never achieve…especially at a fast food restaurant often filled with jaded disgruntled employees!

One of my ex-psychos used to place crazy complicated orders with condescending substitutions and instructions on how she wanted everything seasoned. Then she’d flip out whenever anything was inevitably wrong!

I never took her to restaurants near my apartment, so she wouldn’t ruin them for me!

I also always made sure I had ordered everything I planned to eat before I ever let her send hers back! Seriously, I’d order apps, dinner and my desert all out of the gate because I knew she’d cause a scene later!

That’s also why I always paid in cash whenever I took her out and I refused to try anything on her second (or third…or fourth) returned plates no matter how many times she offered! Hey, why should both of us die or get food poisoning? No thanks!

Anyway, Hardees. Here we are…and here it is!

This may be the longest set-up for a taste test in the history of mankind so let’s just get right to it, shall we?

The Verdict: As expected, this is incredible! It’s bold, powerful, thick, juicy and delicious with plenty of flavor and premium buns. Based on that description, they should have named it after Serena Williams… (wait, what?)

“It’s bold, powerful, thick, juicy and delicious with plenty of flavor and premium buns. Based on that description, they should have named it after Serena Williams…” – Fat Darrell

Seriously though, some of these new fusion combos are a bit much and the flavors clash but this one works! The crispy onions taste like a giant onion ring on top of the burger which I really liked and the texture of the bun is high quality.

Honestly, I could picture this burger selling for several dollars more at a casual restaurant like Applebees or Fridays. It doesn’t feel like fast food at all…well, until you get to the fries.

I normally ask for fresh ones, but I didn’t feel like waiting around. I’m not sure how long these were sitting on the rack but they were pretty lame.

The combo was only $2 more so it didn’t make sense to just order the burger.   If you do the same, definitely go with the small combo since they give you a decent amount of fries in that little container.  Besides, you’d be better off exploring the rest of the diverse menu with the remaining cash and room in your belly.

That’s a minor complaint though and this review is for the burger, not the fries. With that said, the Memphis BBQ Burger is delicious! Make sure you grab a few extra napkins though, they’re generous with the sauce! I made the mistake of scrolling my phone as I ate and I literally have BBQ sauce on the screen now! Whoops.

Speaking of condiments, my choir boy routine paid off because without me even asking, the cashier hooked me up with at least 20 ketchup packets! In hindsight, perhaps he gave me so much ketchup because he knew the fries were stale and dry!  Hmm…

Still, some places treat ketchup packets like they’re made of gold or something and make you beg for them, so it was a nice surprise.  

Speaking of gold, what’s the story behind this new trend of dipping every food in gold and charging a zillion dollars for it? Have you seen this?

Golden chicken wings are being sold for a thousand dollars! A golden burger is being sold for several hundred and they also make gold covered ice cream. I’m sure a golden pizza must be next. I wonder how much they’ll try and charge for that. $5,000? I just don’t get it.

I’d imagine the taste isn’t any different and there aren’t any additional health benefits so why pay a grand for a plate of chicken wings? Hmm, I need to call one of my vendors and see how much we can get for a golden ®Fat Darrell Sandwich! That might be my new retirement plan…

But speaking of golden, let’s talk about the golden lasso of truth for a second because look what I found kiddos!

That’s right, Wonder Woman Golden Lasso Twirl Ice cream!

If you missed my post from a few weeks ago, I already reviewed the Batman and Superman flavors but this one was missing!

If you saw that post however, you’ll notice that I dressed as characters from those movies but this time? Um…nope!

Sorry to disappoint but there’s absolutely no way I’m rocking a Wonder Woman outfit! This Captain America shirt has a similar color scheme though, so it’ll have to do for now.

Anyway, this flavor features caramel and vanilla light ice cream packed with star-shaped caramel chips and a graham cracker swirl. Sounds good to me!

So with that said, it’s time for dessert y’all! Let’s see how this tastes…

The Verdict: It’s pretty good! I especially like the texture of the caramel chips! If you read my review of the other flavors, I’m equally impressed by quality of this blend as well. They really did a top-notch job on these.

The ingredients blended together smoothly where no one ingredient overpowers the rest. It’s like the Justice League of flavors!

Individually, I really enjoyed this flavor but if I had to rank them against each other, I’d have to put this one last. Unless Gal Gadot (the actress who plays Wonder Woman in the current movies) is reading this right now. If so, then um, this one is actually my fave, I swear! Mmmm…yummy! So, um yeah, can I have your number?

Seriously though, all 3 are quite good so you really can’t go wrong either way. You’d better try them out before they disappear though! I think these are a summer exclusive at Walmart so if you wait too long, you just might miss out!

Remember how sad and dejected I was earlier in this post as I sat in a parking lot contemplating the meaning of life after missing out on the rib burger? Don’t be like me, be better than me and get yours before it’s gone!

Do you have a food item, restaurant or recipe we should all try out? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Although I can’t understand the benefit of adding gold to random foods, adding colloidal silver is an entirely different story. Some benefits that have been linked to colloidal silver are its antibacterial, antiviral and anti-inflammatory properties. It’s also been used to treat wounds, cold/flu and sinus relief among other things! Hmm, perhaps they’re using the wrong ingredient on those wings! Obviously do your research before working this into your routine, but many people I know swear by this stuff so if you’re suffering from any of the symptoms listed above, this may be worth looking into!

Do you have a fitness question, goal or accomplishment you’d like to share? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Today’s Soundtrack

Girls Girls Girls – Jay-Z

Girls Girls Girls – Motley Crew

Thick – O.T. Genasis ft. 2 Chainz (Hi Serena! 😉)

Do you have another song that first today’s themes or that’s just so great we should check it out anyway? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Okay folks, that’s about it for this week. I need to head to the repair shop and get this recall taken care of before my steering wheel falls off!

However, before we go, here are your foodie “holidays” between now and next Tuesday!

Also, please, please, please (please?) drop a comment below before you leave. Like I said last week #SEOmatters – plus, it’s always great hearing from you!

Last but not least, make sure to check out our #DoubleFML Deals and Discounts page for several great hook-ups we’ve arranged for you to take advantage of!

Okay folks, whatever you get into this week, I hope it’s incredible and once again, thanks for dropping by!

Until next time my friends, May the Fork be With You…

-Darrell

“Just because my path is different doesn’t mean that I’m lost…”