“I’m hot, sticky sweet. From my head to my feet, yeah…”

“Yeah?”

Umm, no! I know that lyric was supposed to sound seductive and all, but the word “sticky” makes me think of a sweaty disgusting mess, not “sweet.”

Trust me kids, “swamp ass” is definitely NOT sexy. Sounds like someone could use one of those shower poufs from last post. I have extras…

Anyway, what’s up everybody? Welcome back to #DoubleFML FatDarrellPalooza! If you didn’t recognize that lyric, it’s from the 80’s hair metal band, Def Leppard’s, song “Pour Some Sugar on Me.”

If you’ve somehow never heard it before, you’ve clearly never been to a strip club because aside from ratchet trap music, this song is a staple. Oh wait, I mean um…or so I’ve been told, I obviously wouldn’t know 😉.

Wow, that was close, I almost forgot my parents read these. Whoops. Hi Mom!

Anyway, no worries, despite the crazy cover photos (I know, HOT right?), this post isn’t about 80’s hair metal. No, the “sugar” talk is because we’re having an ice cream party later in this post! However, that’s not what initially inspired today’s title.

My client Fran and I were discussing her weekend plans and she mentioned that she was getting her eyebrows shaped up. After asking her some weird questions about those mall kiosks where women literally bite the hair off people’s faces (whiskey tango foxtrot?!), we ended up on a discussion about “sugaring.”

If you don’t know what that is, no worries, neither did we, but her hair removal shop offers this service.

Apparently, it’s a Persian waxing technique that’s been around since 1900 BC and utilizes a sugary paste instead of traditional wax (thanks Wikipedia!). Pour some sugar on me indeed.

Wait, hold up…1900 BC? You mean those freaky Pharaohs were taking breaks while building The Great Pyramid to get bikini waxes? Now THAT’s a fun fact I never learned in my world history class (hey, thanks for nothing Mrs. Guenther)!

It makes sense though, I mean, it’s like 1,000 degrees over there. “Sticky sweet…yeah.”

Shoutout to all the ladies enduring those crazy Brazilian wax strips to remove that “winter coat” in time for Spring though!

Well, not just the ladies I suppose. Some fellas do it too but I’m definitely not one of them!

Aside from sounding really painful, the entire situation just seems awkward. My trust issues run way too deep for all of that!

I would never be comfortable enough to drop trough, perch on a table and have some stranger holding wax and duct tape inspect my hindquarters like I’m a pug at the Westminster Dog Show.

Um, thanks but no thanks! Some battles are meant to be fought alone and my “manscaping” seems like one of those missions! But hey, to each his own, right?

“I would never be comfortable enough to drop trough, perch on a table and have some stranger holding wax and duct tape inspect my hindquarters like I’m a pug at the Westminster Dog Show.” – Fat Darrell

So, last week I posted this as a tribute to Prince (RIP to both him and my Uncle Sam who was a huge fan.  That’s actually the guitar he gave me in the cover photos…):

That led to a Facebook discussion where I got dragged for never seeing The Rocky Horror Picture Show (here’s looking at you Rebekah Dirnfeld and Fiona Bagley!) since one of its characters, “Dr. Frank N. Furter,” also qualifies.

Of course, Dr. Frank N. Furter is merely a fictional character while Prince once walked among us. Therefore, your argument is moot ladies! However, no, I shamefully haven’t seen this movie yet. ☹ Oh, but it gets worse! MUCH worse.

Do you know what event happens this Friday? It’s May 4th. As in the ultimate nerd holiday, “May the 4th.” As in “May the 4th be with you” an obvious play on words for the actual quote from the movie Star Wars, “May the force be with you.”

 

If you’re a regular here, you’ll also recognize that I literally close each post out with the tagline “May the fork be with you” which references the same classic quote.

Well, um…guess who’s never actually seen any of the Star Wars movies? That’s right, this guy! Not even one of them.

It started off innocently enough. I never got around to watching the original trilogy as a kid but always planned to.

Before I finally got around to it though, the prequels started coming. Then came another wave, followed by spin-off stories so I never caught up and here we are.

At this point, I don’t even know what order to watch them in! Actually, yes, I do. I’ll watch in the order they were released since that’s how they were originally created, but when? I suppose I can chip away at them one at a time because I’d probably need an entire week off to watch them straight through!

For what it’s worth, I’ve also never seen or read any of the Harry Potter series. I haven’t seen Lord of the Rings or any of those Twilight movies yet either.

If you’re noticing the pattern, I’ve missed out on some major franchises. The problem is once I’ve missed the first in the series for any reason, I have to catch up before watching the others.

I hate jumping into the middle of a series. I got suckered into watching the second Hunger Games movie, Catching Fire, without ever reading the books or seeing the first film and I was lost the entire time! Never again (but you’re welcome Jenn Watts).

I love movies though, so I will go back and watch all of those someday…or some month sounds more accurate.

I have seen nearly every superhero movie that’s ever come out though so there’s that!

There’s one superhero movie I haven’t seen yet though and that’s the new Avengers Infinity War movie! I hope to change that this week. I’ve been waiting for this one to come out for quite some time!

Although there have been a few exceptions, I typically wait a few days to check out new movies because opening weekend tends to be a zoo. I have to be in the mood for all of that, otherwise I’d rather slip in when it’s less crowded.

I need to hurry up before someone ruins it for me though because people seem to have no problem posting spoilers about this one online for some reason! It’s usually not this bad but wow, people can’t seem to shut up about major plot points this time.

I had a “friend” who shared the ending of the movie on Facebook after she saw an advanced screening on Tuesday! The movie wasn’t even released to the general public until last Friday so that was ridiculously inconsiderate. At least warn people or wait a few weeks next time! You know who you are…

I wish explosive diarrhea upon the next person who ruins this movie by oversharing again. Monsters.

Anyway, the movie is getting great reviews so hopefully I’ll be able to provide a non-spoiler mini-review next week.

In the meantime, check out my new Deadpool t-shirt!

This shirt is both hilarious and timely because Cinco de Mayo is also on Saturday! Arriba!

If you love Mexican food as much as I do, make sure to join our Facebook foodie group, Phenomnomnomenal, because our members will be sharing where to score discounted Cinco de Mayo snacks all day! Mmm…nachos and tacos and burritos, oh my! Click here to join NOW!

In the meantime, I already started pre-gaming by trying the all new Quesadilla Burger at Applebee’s.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, obviously I know that Applebee’s isn’t an authentic Mexican restaurant by any means, but I have a zillion gift cards and this item looks interesting so hey, why not?

Here’s the description from the Applebee’s menu:

“Pepper Jack cheese with their signature Mexi-ranch sauce, crispy bacon, fresh pico and shredded lettuce in a crisp, warm Cheddar quesadilla. Served with classic fries.”

See? Sounds good, right? So how does it taste?

The Verdict: I really enjoyed it, but I wanted to like it more than I did.

Don’t get me wrong, the concept is solid, but the execution could use a few minor tweaks.

The flavors came through in a big way and have a spicy little kick that I enjoyed. I’m the type who prefers not to see pink in my burgers, but even at a higher temperature, it was delicious.

One change I’d make however, would be to increase the size of the burger to fill out the entire quesadilla bun.

I felt the quesadilla could have been a little thicker as well. I’ve seen a few home chef variations of this concept online and the quesadilla was full and fluffy, so I was slightly disappointed when my order arrived.

As an isolated product, the quesadilla burger is good but not great. If I were assigning class grades, I’d give it a solid B.

I’m reluctant to recommend ordering this though because there are so many better items on the menu to choose from. Actually, this isn’t even their best burger option!

So, this isn’t so much of a slight to the Quesadilla Burger as it’s a compliment to how much their menu has improved! 5-years-ago, this may have been a standout item but in comparison to their wonton tacos, their Brunch Burger, or even their pastas, ordering this falls in the “meh” category.

Long story short, yes, I’d eat it again and I’d enjoy it, but I never order it myself. Get it?

That was still a satisfying preview for the gluttonous burrito feast that awaits this weekend!

As I stated earlier, Applebee’s is obviously not an authentic Mexican restaurant but that was an authentic Mexican sombrero!

Actually, who am I kidding? It was probably made in China. I bought that thing at a tourist trap rest stop “South of the Border.”

It’s literally at the border of North and South Carolina on Interstate 95 if you ever want to check out a whole lot of nothing at this cheesy spectacle yourself.

Oh yeah, I also bought these ridiculous giant fly swatters there!

They actually came in handy a few times…

Anyway, who’s ready for ice cream?

I know I’ve been ready ever since I saw this hit my newsfeed!

That’s right, it’s Sour Patch Kids Ice Cream and it’s sold exclusively at Walmart!

What?! Yes, it’s true! They also make popsicles but that seems like a fairly simple concept. Ice cream on the other hand? Yeah, this I had to try.

Of course, I almost never made it inside of the store because this happened:

After posting that on my social media pages (which you should follow by clicking the links on the side panel), they also played a few other classic bangers including “It Feels Good” by Tony! Toni! Toné!

Needless to say, I was camped out in that parking lot for nearly an hour!

Anyway, I finally made it home so let’s dig in and give this a try, shall we?

I forgot that it was Sour Patch Kids and not Swedish Fish Ice Cream so these pics are somehow even more random now…

The Verdict: Hey, this is actually pretty good! I like it! The flavor palate is driven by a blend of lemon sorbet and light vanilla ice cream. That base is covered with a crunchy Redberry sugar trail along with actual chunks of blue gummy Sour Patch Kids candy mixed throughout the entire concoction!

It sounds like a crazy combination, but it actually works. It reminds me of one of those rocket pops but in ice cream form!

Some might complain that it’s not the same sour kick in the pants as the candy but that’s actually a positive in my opinion. I’m not sure I’d want to eat an entire tub of extra sour ice cream.

This combination is much smoother than expected. It hits the highlights and doesn’t overstay its welcome.

Good stuff. Of course, it wouldn’t be a true ice cream party with only one flavor, right?

Check out what else I found on the shelf next to the Sour Patch Kids ice cream!

How was I not aware that DC Comics came out with Superhero ice cream? I had no idea!

As you can tell from the photo, they make Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman but unfortunately, I could only find the first 2.

If you think I’m going to wait until I can find the Wonder Woman ice cream before trying these though, you must be bat sh%t crazy! This is happening my friends.

With that said, let’s dig in! We’ll start over in Metropolis and try this Superman cookie dough flavor first.

The Verdict: Wow, this really is “Super”! (<- Clearly you saw that coming) Seriously though, it is!

This flavor combines light cookie dough ice cream with red and gold cookie dough pieces and blue sprinkles.

Now, you know those people who could sit and eat raw cookie dough for hours? Well, that’s not me. I’d much rather have that dough slapped inside the oven and baked first instead.

The same could be said for my ice cream preferences. Cookies and cream is my absolute favorite flavor, but cookie dough wouldn’t even make my top 10 list! That’s why I didn’t expect to like this very much but surprise, surprise – I do!

The cookie dough tastes like it’s from a birthday cake or a sugar cookie and the texture is nice and chewy. It’s light, balanced and awesome. I’m very impressed. If you’re an actual fan of cookie dough ice cream you’ll really love this because I enjoyed it and it’s not even my “go-to” flavor.

And now for the main event! Let’s head over to Gotham City and try this Batman flavor.

The Verdict: OMG WOW! This is incredible! I’m not just saying that because it has Batman on the cover (although it doesn’t hurt 😉), it’s really that good!

This flavor combines light chocolate ice cream with bat-shaped chocolatey pieces, rich brownie chunks and a fudge swirl!

Brownie sundaes rank near the top of my list of favorite desserts, so this hits all the right notes for me! I love the texture of the brownie chunks and bonus points for the chocolate candies being shaped like bat-symbols!

If you’re a regular reader, the Batman option being my favorite is rather predictable but had they gone with Superman on the front of the brownie flavor, that would have gotten the win instead. 

I’m honestly basing my assessment on the flavors inside, not the characters on the outside…but with that said,  I’m still glad Batman won!

Either way, these are both great! I figured the ice cream would be subpar since the packaging and famous characters would be enough to help it sell but they really put together a quality product here. Even if it was in a plain carton this would still be worth giving a try.

Now I really wish that Wonder Woman flavor was in stock!  I’ll have to try that one soon! But don’t worry, I absolutely will not be dressing up like her too!

Do you have another food item, restaurant or recipe we should all check out? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Oh yeah, check out what else I spotted as I walked among the Walmartians (Nanu Nanu). Look!

Foodie Beach towels! Ha, these are awesome! I think we all know which one I purchased though, so let’s cut to the chase shall we?

I can’t wait to crash a beach yoga class with this thing! Namaste.

Yes, I said yoga. Many guys are still under the false impression that yoga is just for women but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Actually, many NFL players and top athletes use yoga to help stay limber throughout their grueling season.

Whether you’re male or female, yoga classes can help improve flexibility, strength, balance, mental focus and more!

If the group class setting isn’t your thing, at least be sure to stretch after you finish exercising.

Many people tense their muscles through strength training and vigorous cardio then walk straight to their cars. Tight, tense muscles are much more susceptible to injuries, soreness and muscle cramps though so always be sure to work on this key area of fitness as well.

Oh yeah and bonus fitness tip: Do NOT eat Romaine lettuce right now!  There’s a major recall.  If you weren’t aware already, look it up.  (ps.  that’s not an excuse to completely blow your diets though!  You can always use spinach or arugula instead ya know!)

Do you have a fitness question, accomplishment or goal you’d like to share? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Today’s Soundtrack

Pour Some Sugar on Me – Def Leppard

Sugar – Flo Rida ft. Wynter

Spin Spin Sugar – Sneaker Pimps

Also check out those songs I was listening to in my car that are listed above!

Do you have another song that fits today’s playlist or that’s just so good we should check it out anyway? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Okay folks, that’s about all for this week but if you like the crazy foodie tees and superhero gear we posted here, make sure to check out the #DoubleFML Deals and Discounts page!

We’ve arranged discount programs for lots of really cool stuff for you over there so take a peak!

But before you go, please drop a comment below! Come on, don’t be shy 😉

Last but not least, here’s the list of Foodie Holidays that will be celebrated between now and next Tuesday!

Wow, National Roast Leg of Lamb Day huh? Fancy fancy! #BadandBoujee

My budget is more suited for National Ramen Noodles Day right now though so when is that?

Anyway, that’s a wrap for this week folks. Hopefully I’ll catch The Avengers movie before the next post but we shall see.

Whatever you get into this week though, I hope it’s incredible!

Let’s make it a great one everybody and thanks again for dropping by!

Until next time my friends, May the Fork be With You…

-Darrell

“Don’t compare your life with others. There is no comparison between the sun and the moon. They each shine when it’s their time.”