Before we get started, let’s take a closer look at the hat and tees from the featured cover photos, shall we?

Oh my… I know, HOT, right?

Pop quiz: what movie was that piano tie mentioned in? I’ll reveal the answer in the closing paragraph but in the meantime, did you know they make an actual tie that has 8 working piano keys?! You know I’m probably going to buy that now, right (remind me to show you my tee that’s also a working drum set too one of these days…)?!

Anyway, greetings from a muggy and rainy Atlanta everybody! Although I’m happy that it’s finally getting warmer down here again, it’s been raining like crazy lately! If this keeps up, I may need to build an ark or something.

Of course, there’s always something to complain about, right? Although, I’m not really complaining. I’d still prefer rain over snow like the Midwest got blasted with last week! Besides, this weather gives me an excuse to wear this!

I know, sexy, right?! Wow, I’m not sure which hat is worse – this one or that yellow heart eyes emoji hat. At least this one has a functional purpose!  Actually, so does the other one…to make the ladies swoon.  Rawr.  Just kidding, it’s hideous!

Wow, that umbrella hat actually gave me a flashback to the best day at elementary school gym class though!  Remember this?  If you do…you’re old.

Those parachute days were the best though!  Frisbee day was pretty cool too…and whatever those yoga ball looking things were with the handles!  

I’m sure that I probably lost at least half of my younger audience with these references.  Most schools don’t even have gym anymore! 

My friend’s daughter had gym as an optional summer course where all she had to do was wear a Fitbit digital activity monitor and she didn’t even do that!  Instead, she stuck the thing on her dog and let it run around the yard for a few hours.  I’ve got to hand it to her though, that was pretty smart.  Lazy…but smart. 

Anyway, speaking of physical activity, have you guys been watching The Olympics? I have to admit, I’m having a hard time getting fully into it for some reason.  I managed to catch an actual fever twice already this year, but “Olympic fever”? Not so much.

I normally love watching but honestly, it’s been tricky to find at times. The coverage has been a bit disappointing this time around.

Nobody really seems to be talking about it much yet either, so that’s been kind of a buzzkill. Maybe we’re overstimulated since it really does feel like there’s a major event every week lately?

From the Grammy’s to the Super Bowl to the government shutdowns to endless media and political scandals, there’s just been a lot to keep up with this in 2018! They say that time seems to move faster as you get older so maybe it’s just me but wow, I don’t remember past years feeling quite like this.

Anyway, the events that I have managed to catch have been pretty exciting. Oh yeah, and I think that Chloe Kim might be my new spirit animal. This 17-year-old snowboarder, has been tweeting about ice cream, churros and breakfast sandwiches literally during the middle of her events! Despite that, she still managed to win the gold and crush the competition!

There are several other feel-good storylines to follow in The Games this year so hopefully the coverage and excitement level pick up soon.

I’m still really looking forward to watching Maame Biney compete in speedskating, the women’s ice skating team is always fun to watch and believe it or not, I’m actually hoping that NBC starts showing more curling!

I always laughed at the sport when I first started watching it back in 2010 but then I actually started getting into it. I’m sure it’s much harder than it looks, but it gives me hope that I can still compete in the Olympics when I’m 65 since it seems a lot like shuffleboard…

Update: Now I REALLY want to watch curling! Apparently Angelina Jolie’s 25-year-old doppelganger (Anastasia Bryzgalova) is on the Russian team? Wow!  Who knew?

That’s one collusion case I wouldn’t mind testifying for. She can hack my election anytime, if you know what I’m saying… 😉 (NOTE: If I don’t post next week, it means my girlfriend killed me after reading that last sentence!  If one of you could please call my parents and let them know what happened, I’d greatly appreciate it.  Thanks!)

Anyway, if you haven’t been watching yet, you’re missing out! But either way, USA! USA! USA!

Speaking of major events, OMG I can’t believe that I forgot about one of the most important days of the year to express my love! Oh, no, not Valentine’s Day, I’m good there. No, I’m talking about National Pizza Day! It was last Friday!

Actually, it’s held every year on February 9th and there was free and discounted pizza galore all day!

Of all people, how was I not aware of this sooner?! Until Jimmy Junior (Not to be confused with Jimmy G, the new quarterback of my beloved 49ers who will hopefully part the red sea and lead my team to the promised land next season!) mentioned it in our Facebook foodie group, Phenomnomnomenal (which you should already be a member of but if not, shame on you. Now join by clicking this link immediately!).

I know that I have a girlfriend now and all, but pizza has and will always be bae. Pizza never lets you down, pizza understands… xoxo

Wow, I feel absolutely terrible for forgetting such a special and momentous occasion. To make up for it, let’s take a moment to bask in the delicious glow of sauce and melted cheese with a few celebratory memes, shall we?

Here’s another one that people always tag me in whenever they see it on Facebook (shoutout to Nicole Gilmore!):

It’s funny and all but come on, one slice?  Really?  What am I, 4?  Okay, mentally and height-wise yes but as far as my appetite is concerned?  Not even close! 

Look at that photo, the guy even had the discipline to leave some to finish later?  Again, from one slice?  I once ate an entire large pizza during a 30-minute lunch break and that included driving to the restaurant and ordering!  I’d need at least 8 of those pouches!  I’d be rocking them like Mr. T rocks gold chains!

Of course, in my opinion, nothing beats Jersey/NYC pizza (sorry Chicago! Although, in all fairness, I haven’t been able to try an authentic Chicago pizza yet, so I’ll wait until that happens before passing my final judgement)! With that said, I may need to plan a trip back home to eat…whoops, I mean… um to see my friends and family, very soon!

In the meantime, however, I’ve had several other northeast transplants recommend a few local pizza shops that supposedly taste just as good, if not better, than The Garden State and The Big Apple’s. Hmm…really? I doubt that but I won’t knock it until I try it. However, I do plan to try all of these restaurants in a upcoming post to see if any truly compare. We shall see. So, stay tuned!

Speaking of pizza, are some of you people still calling it “za”? I won’t lie, I kinda hate that. Actually no, I absolutely hate that! It’s stupid…and yes, this is coming from the guy who uses the term “bae” on a regular basis! Granted, when I say “bae” I’m using the term ironically and depending on how it’s used, I actually think it’s cute! “Za” though? No.

If you use the term “za,” you don’t deserve to have any! How dare you disrespect such a beautiful creation with your goofy lingo? You know, not every word has to be shortened people! It’s 2 syllables, it won’t kill you to say the whole word! I’d literally slap your hand away from the box if you spoke such nonsense around me! Although, I’m pretty greedy, so if you’re reaching into my pizza box, I’d probably slap your hand away either way.

But, if you’re a true friend, you shouldn’t take any at all. You know that I’m only offering to be polite, right? I never actually WANT to share my food with anybody! Wait, unless you’re sharing yours with me…then yes, sharing is awesome 😊.

While we’re on the subject of sharing though, it appears that bagels somehow piggy-backed their way into the National Pizza Day celebration too now? I noticed a few places calling it “National Pizza and Bagel Day” but I’m not sure how I feel about that.

I mean, they’re both awesome. They also created the highly underrated offspring hybrid, pizza bagels. Still, these 2 food legends shouldn’t be celebrated on the same day. I feel as though they each deserve their own special time to shine. It’s like having that dreaded Christmas birthday.

Anyway, speaking of pizza, I see that those “romantic” heart shaped pizzas are back if any of you are looking to disappoint your girlfriend this year. Don’t get me wrong, pizza is obviously awesome, but it doesn’t exactly scream romance! Perhaps paired with another gift or gesture you could pull this off…but by itself? I don’t know fellas, that’s about one notch up from last minute gas station roses. This type of gift can only be given ironically or you’re asking for trouble!

Of course, I would be absolutely thrilled with this present! Men don’t usually get much on Valentine’s Day anyway so sure, why not? Besides…once again, it’s pizza! Although, I’d prefer a full pizza instead of the heart shaped one since you’re missing out on a few slices in this version due to its shape and smaller size.

I do think that a guy on a budget would be able to get away with the heart shaped pizza if he made it himself though. Now THAT would be kind of romantic. It really shouldn’t necessarily be all about the gift anyway. Most women just appreciate the effort (or at least they should if it’s an honest attempt and from the heart) – although it would still help if it actually tastes good.

I won’t retell the story here, but you should definitely go back and check out last year’s Valentine’s Day special where I detailed my failed attempt at making brownies and cookies for my crush back in college. Man, those things were a disaster! I’m glad that snarky memes weren’t a thing yet because I’m pretty sure that disgusting burnt mess would have ended up on a cooking fail website somewhere by now!

Thankfully it’s not, but here are a few romantic Valentine’s Day fails that are! Wow, I’m starting to feel better about my brownies after seeing a few of these! Check it out…

Wow, a few of these don’t even look like they tried!  I can assure you, the cookies and brownies that I made weren’t THIS bad!  At least they looked good on the outside…they were just awful and disgusting on the inside.  You know, kind of like my ex…

“At least they looked good on the outside…they were just awful and disgusting on the inside.  You know, kind of like my ex…” – Fat Darrell

Anyway, here are a few cases where spell check might have come in handy…

This one is technically spelled correctly but um…

Not sure I’d want to drink this coffee either!  Oh my…

I think I’ll also pass on this one too!

Um…no Comment.  And again, no thanks!  

How does one make something as glorious as bacon look sad?  This is upsetting…. (*but I’d still eat it because…well, duh, it’s bacon!)

These chocolate-dipped strawberries have also seen better days.  These look an awful lot like what I stepped in while walking my girlfriend’s dog last week…

Although I suppose that’s still better than giving her a half eaten box of chocolates… (this actually happened, the photo is from a Twitter post talking about it!).  You’re better off not giving anything at all then pulling this stunt!

 

Here are a few more from the “better off not doing anything” category…

Okay, I’ll admit, a few of these are pretty funny – if you’re going to be cheap, at least be creative!

Okay, now you’re pushing it…

Umm…I’m hoping these are both inside jokes because otherwise, they’re pretty creepy gift ideas!

BRUH!!!!!  REALLY???!!!  No. No. No!  Some things you just can’t unsee…

And these next few ideas are likely to get you killed!

While we’re on the subject…umm what?!  Nothing says romance like a pre-arranged funeral, eh?

Office Depot might be on to something though!

Would any of you dare to wear this in public?  If so, please do!  ….and share the pictures with us!  Hmm, how do you walk in that thing?  I suppose you’d also have to use the family restroom? 

And this next batch are just a few Valentine’s Day items that I thought were funny while I was out shopping:

Unfortunately, I didn’t actually see these in person, but these bacon roses look pretty amazing!

And last but not least, here are 2 important Valentine’s Day reminders:

And finally, here are a few great ways to protect your heart! Oh, no, I don’t mean by never taking any chances and isolating yourself and your emotions from the rest of the world (you know who you are…hang in there!). Um, I was referring to your actual heart… check these out!

Do you have a fitness question you’d like answered or an accomplishment you’d like to share?  Tell us about it in the comments below!

Today’s Soundtrack

That’s Amore – Dean Martin (when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie…)

I Can’t Stand the Rain – Missy Elliot (you can if you wear my umbrella hat!)

Piece of My Heart – Janis Joplin (but not a piece of my pizza…)

Do you have another song that fits today’s themes? How about a song that doesn’t fit today’s themes but is just so great, we should check it out anyway? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Before we go, let me ease your concerns by letting you know that even I wasn’t crazy enough to actually use any of the Valentine’s Day ideas that I posted up above! I can’t actually show you what I got her but I think I did a pretty good job so I should be safe! If not, at least her couch is comfortable…

I’m just kidding about the couch though because she actually doesn’t care what I get her, so I’ve definitely got a good one! The fact that she appreciates anything I do for her actually makes me want to get her more so hmm… well played!

But seriously, it should never actually be about the gift so if it is, you may want to reconsider your relationship.

Ironically, I declared back during my Bae Watch post that I wouldn’t start looking for a girlfriend until after Valentine’s Day because it would be silly for me to voluntarily take on giving someone a Christmas and Valentine’s Day present. Well, not only did I end up in a relationship that started in December, her birthday was also that month as well! Go figure. Life is funny sometimes, eh?

Anyway, for those of you who hate Valentine’s Day, cheer up! There’s discounted heart-shaped candy on the shelves from Wednesday on! I wonder if that applies to those leftover pizzas? Hmm…

Well, that about does it folks but not before your usual reminders to follow me on social media by clicking the links on the side panel. Also, please leave a comment before you go! Last but not least, I also recommend checking out last year’s Valentine’s Day post as well. Especially if you want to read more about the awful brownie incident…

Oh yeah, and the answer to the piano tie pop quiz was Zoolander! But those ties were around long before that movie came out.

Speaking of movies, Marvel’s Black Panther finally comes out this week! I’ve been counting this one down for months!

Anyway, that’s a wrap people. Happy Valentine’s Day everybody! Until next time, I wish you love, peace and tacos. May the Fork be With You…

-Darrell