Hey, what’s up everybody! Greetings from a warm and sunny South Carolina! Okay, who am I kidding? It’s actually freezing down here and across most of the country right now.

I know that I pick on people who complain when it’s cold in the winter and it’s hot in the summer since that’s to be expected, but these temperatures right now are crazy, stupid cold! Ice Ice Baby Too Cold indeed. This is far from normal.

Seriously, I’ve actually considered moving to Toronto several times since I love that city so much but the thought of enduring a Canadian winter always snaps me back to my senses. I suppose this is a solid preview of what I would be in for if I ever decided to actually pull the trigger on that idea though. So, with that said, God Bless America. I’m good down here thanks!

Anyway, yeah, I came down to South Carolina to visit my parents for Christmas. They live in a nice, quiet small town out in the middle of nowhere, SC. The biggest store around here is a Super Walmart about 20 minutes away, so it really is a calm and peaceful area.

Although they also live about 15 minutes or so from this UFO “Welcome Center” I told you about earlier in the year…

Anyway, for those who are confused, yes, I was born in Charlotte, North Carolina and raised in New Jersey but my parents and many of my relatives reside in South Carolina and I currently live in Atlanta (did you follow all of that?).

Believe it or not, I spent the majority of my childhood summers with my grandparents helping them out on their farm down here. No, seriously!

I used to help pick tomatoes and cucumbers, shell beans and tend to the hog pen.

I even had a pet pig named Petey! He was my favorite! Well, at least he was my favorite until he ran away. Or at least I think that he ran away because one day he was suddenly missing. I never quite figured out where he went exactly but his mysterious disappearance also happened to be on the same day that my grandfather brought home a ton of extra ribs, bacon and ham for some reason. Hmm…

Anyway, those farming days are long gone but I still like attempting to help my father with maintaining their property so here are my obligatory “city slicker on a big tractor” photos from earlier this morning – enjoy.

Oh, and don’t worry, I still have all of my fingers and toes…and I didn’t crash into anything (more than once).

As for pictures of my parents, they don’t really like being online much so you’ll just have to use your imagination to figure out what they look like.

For my Mom, picture the sweetest, most beautiful woman in the world, then multiply that by 10 (I love you Mom!). And for my Dad, just make me slightly better looking and about 4 or 5 inches taller – then place me in either Army (thanks for your service Pops!) or black ninja outfits and there you have it.

My father and I really do look an awful lot alike, that wasn’t an exaggeration.

It’s tricky though because my parents are so friendly and beloved down here that people are constantly waving at me thinking that I’m my Dad. I always have to remind myself to be nice and friendly too since I don’t want to tarnish their reputation.

Actually, I’ve been working on being nicer in general anyway. Even before I got here, this happened:

Since my parents are always so genuinely kind and positive, I’ve been looking to them for advice for how to not be a jerk.

If you read the posts about my personality profile, you understand where I’m coming from. I’m an ENTJ and a Scorpio, I can’t help myself. And lord help you if I’m also hungry when something sets me off. You’d be wise to throw me a slice of pizza or some tacos and then run and hide until the storm is over.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a monster necessarily but “JERK” is my default setting so it’s a struggle. You see, many years of Jersey sarcasm flow through these veins so it’s hard to bite my tongue at times.

They really are great role models though. I mean, anyone patient enough to put up with my brother and my antics all of these years must be a saint!

In fact, due to their positive influence, I won’t drop a house on this sloppy, loudmouth, greasy loser “customer service manager” d-bag at one of the retail stores I had an encounter with the other day.

Nope.  Instead, this kinder and gentler Darrell will just say “woosah” and let it go for now…however I do wish explosive diarrhea upon you “Mr. Starks”. May you step on a thousand Legos. Namaste.

“This kinder and gentler Darrell will just say ‘woosah’ and let it go for now…however I do wish explosive diarrhea upon you ‘Mr. Starks’. May you step on a thousand Legos. Namaste.” -Fat Darrell

Aside from that incident however, it really has been a great week so far! I even got to see my old He-Man and Thundercats figures again, plus my old Michael Jackson zipper jacket!

I told you, I’ve always been a huge MJ fan!

It’s always great spending time with my family although I’m definitely going to need to ramp up my workouts big time when I return home in a few days! I might literally be “Fat Darrell” by the time I get out of here!

It all started with the feast at our annual family gathering for Christmas and really hasn’t slowed down since then!

Plus my Mom always feeds me like I’m dying or something whenever I visit. Seriously, I did a little workout in their backyard this morning and even my sweat smelled like red velvet cake.

 

 

That family gathering was even funnier this year though because aside from cooking up food, my cousins Kim and Janette have also cooked up the idea of me dating one of their girlfriends.

I have to give them credit though, they did a pretty good job with their selection since they showed me pictures and their friend is cute. She also works out, but I just started seeing someone a few weeks ago and even though we’re technically not official yet, things have been going really well so I’ll have to pass.

Where were you 2 for the better part of 2017 Kim and Janette?! I’ve been single since the Obama administration! When it rains it pours I suppose but yeah, I’m good for now.

Speaking of the woman I’m seeing, check out a few of the awesome Christmas presents she gave me!

Ha, first she got me one of the foodie ornaments that I posted a few weeks ago! We’ve ordered Chinese food twice already so that’s really cute and hilarious that she picked this one.

She also painted this Lego Batman on actual canvas for me too!

Pretty talented eh? Hmm, since people call me Batman sometimes, does that technically make this a portrait or me?

Of course, you know that was far from the only Batman item that I got for Christmas. Here are several others!

Like I told you in the Bat-Sh*t Crazy post, I literally get at least one Batman item every gift-giving holiday. That’s been the case every since I was 2-years-old!

Speaking of Batman, my little nephew Domonick says Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

This little guy will be serving up a dose of cold hard justice…after he does his homework…

I also got him a Lego Batman building set among his presents since you can never start the brainwashing process too early! That’s also why he has so many Rutgers shirts already…and a 49ers helmet. I’ll have to get him a Yankees hat and a Lakers jersey next…

I also got him this Matchbox truck that detects metal so if he finds a gold bar and becomes rich, hopefully he remembers his dear Uncle Darrell.

Oh yeah, and I got him this sweet remote control car that drives on the floor, up the walls and even the ceiling! Check it out!

How awesome is that thing?! If you want one of your own, here’s the link to buy it on Amazon via our affiliate link: http://amzn.to/2Cgjyvm

Remember, you still get the same sales and great low prices, we just get a small commission for referring you so please click our link before you shop each time. Thanks in advance, we appreciate your support!

Oh yeah, speaking of cars, this trip finally allowed me to bond with my new one. As some of you may know, the BatmoBenz needed some major repairs over the past few months so I finally had to get a second vehicle. Since the other car has been my ride or die for so long though, this new one has felt like a rental or something ever since I bought it.  The long drive out here allowed me to finally bond with it a bit more though. In fact, I finally have a name for it now (what? You don’t all name your cars too?)!

Since it’s this cool blue color, I named it Da Ba Dee. If you’re a fan of 90’s era EDM, you might get the reference, if not, check out today’s soundtrack.

I suppose it also has a second name since my license plate randomly starts with RINO – which is pretty cool since rhino’s are basically just fat unicorns…

As for why I may never part with the BatmoBenz, I’ll tell you more about that in a future post since that red velvet cake is calling my name from the kitchen again so I’m typing this one up quickly.

Oh yeah, speaking of food, check out what I saw at Walmart down here!

Huh? Lucky Charms AND Frosted Flakes? I only grabbed a photo of the box but I may need to go back and try this before I leave.

My friend Maura also sent me a picture of these!

Say Whaaat???  How did I not know about these sooner?  I’m going to need a batch of these and a batch of those Oreo candy canes I mentioned last post right away!  Oh, and now that Christmas is over, they’ll hopefully be at least half the price!  #winning

Oh yeah, and check out this hilarious photo my friend’s Tommy and Cynthia posted on Facebook the other day!

I’ve seen this for tacos but never for pizza…and definitely not for Jersey Pizza in particular! For those who don’t know, Jersey pizza is the fairest pizza in all of the land boys and girls. A trip back to the Garden State is definitely in order soon although I’ve had a few people tell me that I can get authentic NJ/NY pizza in Atlanta from a few places that ship water down from the northeast. I’ll have to try these places out and report back in a future post but for now, the pizza snob in me says that it’s Jersey or bust.

I’ll also have to finally write part 2 of my Disgusting Foods list where I revisit foods that I hated as a kid. I was waiting until this time of year to get that done because one of the items on the list is eggnog so I’ll have to pick some up before the season is over.

Anyway, stay tuned for that but enough about the future, let’s take a quick look back with a list of our top 10 most popular #DoubleFML blog posts from 2017 (*rankings are based on total views so far)!

Tied for #10:
A) Sofa King Cool Foodie Furniture! You Wanna Pizza Me?
Summary: This post kicked off October and featured a review of Real Good Pizza from Real Good Pizza Co, my crazy Ninja Turtles Hat and foodie furniture including a pizza sleeping bag and buttered pancake pillows!

Fitness Tip: Always read your nutrition labels!

B) I Donut Give a Sheet
Summary: Our Very First Post! This one features Epic pics with George Clinton, Humpty Hump and others who encourage you to let your freak flag fly and donut give a sheet what other people think about you! Also a review of Da Vinci’s Donuts and a plea for giraffe and kangaroo emojis…

Fitness Tip: Run your own race, not somebody else’s. What works for them may not work for you and that’s okay!

Tied for #9:
A) It’s the #DoubleFML Back to School Special! True Confessions of a Class Clown: The Candy Cartel
Summary: This one kicked off the school year by going back in time to my high school days as I described the inner workings of my underground candy empire! It’s like the tv show Breaking Bad, but with Snicker bars… also a review of a special cup that you can use to dunk cookies in milk via a magnetic pulley system!

Fitness Tip: Cardio for people who hate to run!

B) The NJ Transit Creeper, Swedish Fish Oreos and The Bag of Mixed Veggies that Changed the World
Summary: This one started off with a scare as I thought my consecutive streak of only making one trip to carry all of my groceries had come to an end! I then explained how I was an unintentional creeper on the train to NYC back in the day and a review of the Swedish Fish Oreos! Spoiler alert – they’re disgusting!

Fitness Tip: You mean aside from never eating Swedish Fish Oreos? Focus on your nutrition, not just on your physical workouts if you want to reach your goals faster.

8. Phe-Nom-Nom-Nomenal! Counting Down the Top 10 Moments in ®Fat Darrell Sandwich History!
This one celebrated the 20-year anniversary of my namesake ®Fat Darrell Sandwich with a countdown of the top 10 moments as voted by an independent third party panel of judges! Those moments include an appearance on Man vs Food, Paula Deen and Maxim Magazine naming it the best sandwich in the nation! There wasn’t a fitness tip in this one, but it was the first time that we used the term “Phenomnomnomenal” which is coincidentally the name of our foodie group that we launched on Facebook several months later. Join us there by clicking here!

7. Bae Watch
Summary: This one breaks down my crazy dating history and my penchant for attracting psychos. Of course, I’m only talking about past relationships, not the woman I’m currently dating so if you’re reading this right now “New Bae”, please don’t murder me thanks! Oh yeah, this post also features a cool Harley Quinn tank top, my Batman backpack and a few stolen…whoops, I mean um allegedly stolen, store and street signs.

Fitness Tip: Gym etiquette and the benefits of working out with a partner.

6. The Ugliest Shoes in the World, McNinjas and The Early Bird Gets the Canolli…Yeah Buddy, it’s The Cake Boss!
Summary: This one details my missed opportunity to meet The Cake Boss and a whole lot of ugly shoes including foodie ones! Spaghetti-O-My!

Fitness Tip: We continued the footwear theme with a recommendation to wear the right shoe for each fitness activity you participate in since the sole, arch and ankle support necessary for each sport may vary.

5. 96! (It’s kind of like 24 but with way more snack breaks and naps…)
Summary: This one chronicles my whirlwind trip from Atlanta to Virginia to New Jersey to Virginia and back to Atlanta in only 96 hours! This one features stops at my alma mater and cameos from my brother, my niece, my nephews and Priscilla the unicorn!

Fitness Tip: Ways to stay in shape while traveling!

4. Boom Shakalaka Hot Sriracha – Randomonium!
Summary: This one celebrates Sriracha with some hot and saucy recipes! We also take a guess at that mystery Oreo flavor and review the Crispy Taco flavored Lays Potato Chips. Spoiler alert #2 – they’re awesome! We also post another round of foodie furniture and my amazing Pac-Man tee!

Fitness Tip: Don’t be discouraged if you make mistakes along your fitness journey, there’s always another way to keep trying!

3. End it Part 2 and Self-Defense Moves to Prevent a Potential Attack
Summary: We shine a light on human slavery and trafficking in this very important feature. This one also explains the End It Movement and features a video presentation of self-defense moves that you use to get away from a potential attacker, demonstrated by 2 world champion MMA competitors!

Fitness Tip: You can also check out that self-defense video featuring Chelsea Brooks and DayTroy Lyons-Lee on YouTube here:

2. My 9/11: Everyone has a unique “where were you” story – here’s mine.
Summary: I was a mere missed phone call away from being at The World Trade Center during the attacks on 9/11 since I used to work a block away from the towers and took a subway train into them each morning. This post reflects on the tragic memory of those lives that were lost that day and the courage and strength shown by the city and nation in the weeks and months that followed.

And finally…

1. Big Hair, Don’t Care! Recapping the Historic Reign of the First Black President (…of Thorne Middle School)
Summary: This post took a trip back to the early 90’s to recap my reign as student body president of Thorne Middle School in Middletown, NJ. Warning, big hair and ugly 90’s fashion galore in this one! I also provide a review of Halo Top Ice Cream and share my actual 8th grade graduation speech!

Fitness Tip: Find healthy alternative options to satisfy your cravings until your designated weekly cheat meals to help you stay on track toward your goals!

Which post was your personal favorite over the past 12 months? What are your personal highlights from 2017? Comment below!

Today’s Soundtrack

Bye, Bye, Bye – N’Sync (deuces 2017!)
Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’ – Michael Jackson (I wish that jacket still fit! I’ll have to buy another one…)
Blue (Da Ba Dee) – Eiffel 65 (this is the song my new car is named after)
Sugar – Flo Rida ft. Wynter (this song samples Blue so if you like that one, you’ll probably like this one too)
Marry Me – Jason Derulo (this one is by request…)

Do you have another song that fits today’s themes? How about a song that doesn’t fit today’s themes but is just so great that we should check it out anyway? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Before we go, I want to give a quick shoutout to Terry J from IHeartRadio’s Power 96.1 in Atlanta who I had the pleasure of meeting at an event last week.

Aside from grabbing a few quick photos and snagging one of his promo tees, I also entered a raffle for tickets to the CFB National Championship Game so hopefully I’ll be getting a call soon to let me know that I won, right Terry? Hint hint… (subtle eh?)

I also finally got my Chestnut Praline coffee from Starbucks and another ridiculous burger from that Grub Burger Bar that I told you about a few posts ago.  This one even had onion rings on top and I got it with a side of bacon loaded mac and cheese so there will definitely be plenty of extra cardio in my immediate future!  

Worth it.

Anyway folks, that about does it for this post and for this year! Please make sure to leave a comment below with some of your favorite memories from 2017 before you go.

Wow, the next time you hear from me, it’ll officially be 2018! Wait, hold up, that’s actually not true for those of you who follow me on social media so if you’re not already (shame on you), make sure to click the buttons on the side panel to follow me on Facebook, Twitter and more!

Alright, I’m going to cut this one here so that I can enjoy the rest of my time being overfed by my family before returning back to the real world in a few days. Whatever you get into for New Year’s Eve, I hope that you have a great time!

I also hope that you’re not the idiot that I read about who tried to drive home drunk and didn’t make it. Between Uber, Lyft, cabs and designated drivers, there really isn’t an excuse for that type of foolishness anymore so please be responsible.

With that said, I’ll see you on the flipside in 2018! Until then my friends, May the Fork be With You…

-Darrell

“Oh the weather outside’s delightful, the balance in my account is frightful, what happened to all my dough, I dunno, I dunno, I dunnooooo….”