Hey what’s up everybody? I’m shamelessly eating a candy cane that I found in my cabinet from last year and it’s quite delicious. I’d normally be concerned about eating something from a full year ago but candy canes and Twinkies have a shelf life of give or take 7 billion years so I should be fine. Hey, #yolo (you only live once) right? Anyway, welcome back to #DoubleFML FatDarrellPalooza!

So, it actually snowed over the weekend down here in Atlanta. I know that we were a national laughingstock a few years ago after the whole “Snowpacalypse / Snowmaggedon” situation down here where 2 inches of snow shut down the entire city for nearly a week.

I have to say that I was thoroughly impressed with how prepared we were this time around though. Okay, perhaps nature just took its course but I’ll be nice and give the city credit anyway because traffic wasn’t affected that much, and things actually got back to normal fairly quickly. Since this storm came extremely early in the season, there’s still plenty of time to screw up my first impression but for now, cheers Atlanta! Last weekend was a great start.

Wow though, it’s freezing outside lately! I was raised in Jersey so I should be used to snowy winters but whatever, cold is cold! Besides, this skin of mine clearly isn’t built for subarctic temperatures. I mean, think about it. Go back and watch the Rudolph special then tell me how many black elves you see in The North Pole. Go on…I’ll wait.

But where are all of the “It’s too hot, I can’t wait for winter” people now? Don’t think I forgot about all of your complaints over the summer. I hope you’re happy now!

Anyway, here’s a little “behind the scenes” insight for you. Last week I had already written the entire post but during my proofreading session, I got curious about what “10 Lords-a-Leaping” actually meant in the 12 Days of Christmas song that I had mercilessly made fun of in the original draft.

Once I Googled it and realized that the entire song was a religious metaphor, I imagined tons of hate mail and backlash for my unintentional blasphemous comments.

I thought that I might peak through the blinds and see a bunch of angry nuns holding rulers telling me to “cash them outside” or something. So, with new insight, I did a massive rewrite at the last minute before publishing the version that you saw.

As it turns out, most of you had no idea about the song’s actual meaning either so I wasn’t alone with my interpretation!

It’s actually rather fascinating that we can sing something for so long without knowing its true meaning, but this is far from the only example. This happens with non-holiday songs as well. For example, I was always confused why Madonna would sing about dreaming of “some bagels” in her hit song La Isla Bonita but the actual line was “last night I dreamt of San Pedro.”

I’m also pretty sure that half of you thought that Taylor Swift was singing about “Starbucks lovers” instead of “a long list of ex-lovers” in Blank Space.

And don’t even get me started on the Pledge of Allegiance. I remember some kid in my grade school class asking what “4 witchet stands” had to do with anything. At first, I had no idea what he was talking about since a “witchet stand” sounded like something my Mom would buy at The Container Store, but it turns out that the line that he was referring to was actually “for which it stands.” Whoops.

I suppose the takeaway is to always know the context and meaning behind the lyrics of the songs we sing and teach our children, but I can assure you those won’t be the last songs that I butcher in my lifetime! What songs have you boldly sung incorrectly? Comment below!

Oh, and you read that correctly, I did just make a Taylor Swift reference. Yes, that actually happened.

Back when she first debuted, I tried to resist liking her music for as long as possible. It was much easier back then anyway since it leaned more toward country than pop. But like the ocean striking a glacier over and over again to make sand, she wore me down with number one song after number one song until I now stand before you unashamed to admit that I am down with Taylor.

Hell has officially frozen over…ice ice baby indeed.

Aside from her music being catchy, she’s hard not to like because she just seems like a genuinely good person. Hating on Taylor is like hating on Santa Clause or Mickey Mouse or something. It just doesn’t feel right. So, go ahead T-Swizzle, do yo’ thang girl.

Anyway, it’s 2 weeks out and I still don’t have this Christmas tree set up yet. To be completely honest, it’s probably not going to happen but either way I’ll keep you posted.

I am happy to report that I’m almost done Christmas shopping already though! I really only have one major gift left to figure out. It’s for my mom and she’s always hard to think of presents for. Actually, both of my parents are, but I lucked my way into figuring out my father’s a bit easier this year.

I’m still struggling to come up with ideas for my Mom’s Christmas present though. I’m sure she’d love for me to finally give her another daughter-in-law (my brother is already married) and some grandkids, but she may have to settle for a poinsettia and a Target gift card.

“I’m still struggling to come up with ideas for my Mom’s Christmas present though. I’m sure she’d love for me to finally give her another daughter-in-law and some grandkids, but she may have to settle for a poinsettia and a Target gift card.” -Fat Darrell

Oh, but she will be happy to know that I am kinda seeing someone right now. I won’t go into much detail about that yet though because a) it’s only been a week and b) she might kill me.

Of course, if you read my Bae Watch post, you know how this usually plays out, so we shall see but so far it’s been great!

Yep, that’s right, after complaining about having limited funds last post, I started a budding relationship right before Christmas. Well played Darrell.

I’ve been on my own for so long that I’ll have to learn not to eat like a caveman again though. We ordered Chinese food the other night and she had barely stuck her spoon into her Hot and Sour soup, meanwhile I had already downed my wonton soup and was halfway through the chicken lo mein already! Whoops.

Hmm and I also forgot how long the “pretend neither of us gets gassy” game lasts but considering the amount of protein shakes and burritos I consume, I’m pretty sure that I’ll be on the losing end of this challenge.

Although, she has a dog so I may blame him if I accidentally let one slip at her house. Hey, all is fair in love and war right?

Oh, and get this! Her birthday is also on December 21 which means that I just added at least 2 more presents to my list…and awkward ones at that!

Why awkward? Because after less than a month, the gifts can’t be too big or it’ll seem creepy. Too small of a gift however, will come across as insignificant and pointless so it’s a careful tightrope walk. A virtual present minefield if you will. Again, well played Darrell.

I absolutely have to get her something though because if this does end up getting serious, I’m not going down in the record books as the cheapskate who didn’t give her anything for her birthday or our first Christmas together!

And yes, it has to be 2 separate presents because nothing is more impersonal than that “Merry Birthday / Happy Birthmas” present. I mentioned this in the discussion about my birthday being on Halloween.

October 31 is perfect since gifts aren’t normally exchanged on that day anyway but for someone born this close to a major gift-giving holiday like Christmas? The merger present is just tragic.

Fortunately, she’s not a gold-digger…especially since I have no gold to dig! She honestly doesn’t care if I get her anything though which does make it a bit easier, so we’ll see what I come up with. Hmm…maybe Amazon also has an “awkward gifts for relationships under 30 days” section?

Warning! Cheap plug ahead: Speaking of Amazon, make sure to click our affiliates link before shopping there. You still get the same low prices and great savings, but we get a small commission for referring you Mmmkay? Thanks! Click here to shop Amazon.com via our affiliate link.

So “where’s the ugly shirt this week” you ask? “How about something with a huge tiger head on psychedelic colors with spots?”

No problem fam, I’ve got you…

BAM! Oh yeah, I actually wore that thing on a date last year (the shirt not the mask!) and I think she actually liked it. Either that or she was hypnotized by all of the colors and lost control of her senses. Either way, there ya go. Enjoy and bask in it’s gloriousness. Again, there’s still plenty more where that came from… #fashiondaredevil

And now, I’d like to present a brand new segment this week called “Darrell’s Apology Tour.” No, not just for making you stare at that ugly shirt, these are actually 2 separate public apologies for screw-ups that I made last week. So without further ado, let’s get on to the groveling.

First apology goes out to one of my best friends Maura. If you’re a longtime reader, you may have seen her name pop up a few times since I’ve mentioned her on multiple occasions. Anyway, Maura’s birthday was last Tuesday and guess who completely forgot until she messaged me 2 days later. Ugh.

The worst part is that I saved her birthday in my phone and still missed the reminder. In my defense, she’s not on Facebook where I’d get a daily alert! It’s not like I still have a wall calendar like back in the day…although I do have an $800 smart phone so um yeah, I suppose there’s that eh?  

If you’re not on Facebook or related to me, the odds of me remembering your birthday are pretty slim and in this case, yeah, I totally forgot and feel awful about it. 

She always remembers mine and although Halloween is easier to remember, that’s still no excuse so I’m sorry Maura!

This second one is more of a thank you and an apology…a “thanksology” if you will. This one goes out to yet another longtime friend, Kim. You’ve probably also seen her name in here a few times including last post.

So, what did I do this time? Well, it’s more like what I didn’t do. I just got a Christmas card in the mail from her and now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure that she sent me one last year too!

She’s “adulating” so well. I can barely muster the energy to put up my tree so you know I won’t be writing out any Christmas cards. I’m always impressed by people who do though…and feel awful when they arrive since it reminds me of my laziness. It’s like opening a giant mirror!  Or like when you accidentally open the unfiltered Snapchat camera when you’re not prepared…the horror.

I’m not really the New Year resolution type but I do need to do a better job next year. So hopefully there’s no apology tour in December 2018. Anyway, thank you again for the card Kim!

My mother also still sends out tons of cards each year too. How many of you guys still mail actual cards? If you don’t, do you do something online instead or “Darrell style”  aka nothing at all? Comment below!

Speaking of cards, continuing with the theme of foodie Christmas ornaments that I started last week, here are a few great foodie Christmas cards that I stumbled across as well! Check these out! Warning: lame puns ahead…

Some of those were pretty hilarious right? I may have to use a few of them next year – especially the pizza and taco cards!   

Oh yeah and before we move on, shoutout to the staff over at Beyond Burger! You may remember my review of their awesome plant based burgers a few weeks ago? Well, they were cool enough to send over a couple of coupons for me to check out the rest of their product line as well!

My review was honestly just my unbiased opinion so I had no idea they’d send these, but I’m definitely grateful! I’m looking forward to trying out their chicken strips next! I would have included a review of them in this post but unfortunately, I may be catching a cold so my meals today have consisted of chicken soup and oranges. Ugh.
Anyway, thanks again Beyond Burger! Much appreciated. 😉

Do you have another food item or restaurant that we should all try? How about a recipe you’d like to share? Tell us about it in the comments below! Also join our awesome foodie group, Phenomnomnomenal, on Facebook by clicking here!

Many of you will soon begin new fitness routines and as a result, may end up feeling pretty sore. The pain may be even more prominent after you sleep or sit for a long period of time.

To combat this, move around to get the blood flowing and unsettle all of the lactic acid that has likely built up in your muscles. Your movement will also warm up your body but the same affect can also be achieved via a heat pad, sauna or hot shower. Again, your objective is to warm the areas that feel tight.

Once your muscles and tendons are relaxed a bit, you’ll be able to stretch them out better to relieve the tension. Last but not least, use a foam roller or massage to work out the remaining knots and stiffness.

You may need to adjust your next workout to account for soreness as your body recovers but don’t give up! Your body will continue to adjust to the physical demands as long as you stay consistent. Day one is always the hardest but if you avoid the gym for a full month after that first day, you’ll be starting on day one all over again when you return! Instead, warm up, cool down, work smart and stay consistent. You’ve got this!

Do you have a fitness question you’d like answered? Do you have an accomplishment you’d like to share? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Today’s Soundtrack

Ice, Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice (I really miss the summer…)

Gasolina – Daddy Yankee (I’m seriously going to blame it on the dog if and when this happens…)

Dead Presidents – Rick Ross ft Future, Jeezy and Yo Gotti

The Arena – Lindsey Sterling

Do you have another song that fits today’s themes? Do you have a song that doesn’t fit today’s themes but is just so incredible we should check it out anyway? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Okay, well like I said, between stale candy canes and freezing temperatures outside, I’m currently battling a cold.

It’s still in that “will it happen/won’t it happen” stage though. It’s basically the health equivalent of Ross and Rachel on Friends.

Anyway, I’m fighting back with so many oranges I may look like the cast from The Jersey Shore by the end the evening.

With that said, I should probably wrap this up and get back to important things like you know…trying to breath. But before I go, I must first remind you to please leave a comment below before you leave! Also make sure to click the buttons on the side panel to follow me on social media.

Okay folks, whatever you get into this week, I hope it’s incredible. As for me, I’ve got a bottle of Vicks VapoRub calling my name.

Until next time my friends, May the Fork be With You…

-Darrell

“How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on…”