Hey what’s up everybody! Welcome back to #DoubleFML FatDarrellPalooza!

Last post, so many people came to the defense of my ugly hoodie (see my definition of the ugly/pretty threshold as explained last post by clicking here) so I figured I’d just go ahead and double down on the ugly this week with that outfit in the cover photo! Don’t worry, no Muppets were harmed during the making of this sweater.

Let’s see if anyone defends this one!

And if the sweater isn’t ugly enough for you, I’ll see you that and raise you one with this ugly long sleeve-tee!

Why yes, that IS cheetah print on the back (and front but it’s lighter so it may be hard to tell in the photo)! Defend that one too – go on, I’ll wait.  Hey, as long as I like it, right?  And I do! #fashiondaredevil

Ha, I may have to make this a regular feature, there’s plenty more where these came from…

Oh, wait, actually here’s another one!

If any of you saw my appearance on Travel Channel’s Extreme Pig Outs, you may remember the ugly red blazer that I had on during the episode (if you missed it or just want to watch again, check out our Media Archive by clicking here).

Well, that hideous blazer actually came in handy again the other day because…well, see for yourself:

Tis the season eh? Ho, Ho, Ho…

Anyway, wow, these days are really flying by. December is in full swing! I haven’t even bought one Christmas present yet (at least not for anyone aside from myself) so I definitely need to hurry up and get started asap!

Oh yeah, for those of you who are wondering about the update from last post, no, I haven’t dug out my tree yet. I have let a few Christmas songs play all the way through on the radio though which is rare for me this early in the month, so there’s still a strong chance that I’ll actually decorate too!

Speaking of Christmas songs, I actually had a mind-blowing discovery while writing this post!

This may be common knowledge for many of you, but I had no idea that the gifts described in the 12 Days of Christmas lyrics were actually hidden references to components of the Christian bible.

In hindsight, I probably should have figured that out ages ago, but no, less than 24 hours ago I still thought that the song was written by a demented rich sugar daddy or something! 

Seriously, taken at face value, these gifts are a bit strange to say the least!

In case you forgot the words, see for yourself! And next to each line were my unintentionally blasphemous initial thoughts (lol whoops!) prior to my discovery.  

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me:

• 12 Drummers Drumming (he sent his true love a marching band?)
• 11 Pipers Piping (the drummers were cooler but okay fine…)
• 10 Lords-a-Leaping (what in the…huh? What does one do with this exactly? Is this the color guard to go with the band?)
• 9 Ladies Dancing (hmm, okay this one I can get with. Make it rain! Dolla Dolla Bills y’all….)
• 8 Maids a Milking (Whiskey.  Tango.  Foxtrot.  Huh???)
• 7 Swans a Swimming (okay, again – “WHAT?!” – Lil Jon)
• 6 Geese a Laying (now it’s really getting weird. My bad, weirder…)
• 5 Golden Rings (who needs 5 gold rings aside from 80’s rappers, Mr. T and maybe Sasha Banks?  That’s a bit excessive but at least you could pawn these…)
• 4 Calling Birds (we’re up to 17 birds now)
• 3 French Hens (20 birds…)
• 2 Turtle Doves (22)
• and a Partridge in a Pear Tree (What’s up with all the birds? Seriously y’all, 23 birds. Who in their right mind needs 23 birds??)

The metaphors seem fairly obvious now but on the surface, those are some strange gifts! It would be even more bizarre if you didn’t know that more were coming. I mean, on day 8, some weirdo just shows up at your house with a bunch of milk maids? Huh? Um, yeah, I hope you kept the gift receipt for that one buddy.

Seriously, his true love would have probably preferred the money instead of most of these items. You’d probably see her at Medieval Target the next day trying to exchange the 12 drummers and 6 geese for a new bonnet and an abacus or something…

I do like the idea of a daily gift countdown though.  That’s pretty fun and romantic. I think that I mentioned this in the Valentine’s Day post, but my father actually gives my mother a present each day of February leading up to the 14th. He’s much smarter than the 12 Days guy though because he saves his best gift for last, not day 5…

Speaking of mind-blowing discoveries, do you remember Angie Charpentier who wrote the amazing deep-fried mashed potatoes recipe last post? Well, she dropped this truth-bomb in our foodie group on Facebook the other day as well:

Again, it seems so obvious now right? What a great idea! To thank Angie, I have included a cheese ornament below in her honor… 

Oh yeah, and while we’re on the subject of Facebook, my friend LJ sent me a video featuring a new refrigerator on wheels from Panasonic that will come to you when you call it!

Seriously, they’ve developed robot technology so that when you tell it to “come to the living room” for example, it will roll itself over to you! I know that I have a wild imagination but I’m honestly not making this up. How cool is that?

I’d probably break that thing within a day with as many times as I’d call for it. I’d probably just take it with me everywhere. I’d be walking down the sidewalk with the fridge rolling beside me. Hey, you never know when you might have a snack emergency so it’s better to be safe then sorry right?

They’ve also come out with a dryer that folds the laundry itself too!

As cool as these items sound though, this is literally how all of those “robots take over the world” sci-fi movies start so we’ll see how this plays out!

Hopefully the future is less like The Matrix and more like The Jetsons. Although thinking this through, I don’t think there were any black or brown characters on The Jetsons so that vision of the future is scary for me too! I’ll take the instant food and flying cars though…

Anyway, I really do wish that I had that 12 Days budget because man, 2017 is going out with a bang! It’s been one unexpected expense after another so a few of you family members reading this might be getting a high-five and a hug for Christmas this year!

I’d never actually do that of course (although it’s the thought that counts eh?), but I really have taken a few solid punches to my wallet these past few months!

While I was cleaning up the other day, I spotted a few items that I’m planning to sell online to give my account a little boost. If you to take similar action, I recommend meeting your potential buyers at a public place instead of giving them your address. You never know these days so playing it safe beats having some psycho stalker show up at your house for the next 12 days with 4 birds, 3 hens and 2 doves for example.

Oh yeah and then I finally got my refund for that T-rex costume that I showed you in my Halloween post that was shipped to me with a hole in it!

I also remembered that I have a few large jugs (that’s what…nevermind) full of coins that I plan to roll and bring to the bank as well.

Yes, I’m rolling them myself because I’m still scorned after I learned that “Penny” had been cheating for all of those years.

“Who is Penny” you ask? Penny was the little mascot on the coin exchange machine at TD Bank back in the day. She’d smile and giggle as you dumped your coins in. It was cute…until a report came out years later that the machine was rigged to take more than the 7% that I thought it had been taking! So yeah, now I have trust issues. “Fool me once”, right?

Besides, with the amount of coins that I have, 7% is actually a decent amount of cash. Normally it would still be worth it to save the hassle of rolling the coins myself, but I found this cool sorter on Amazon that makes separating the coins nearly hassle free.

Check this item out on Amazon by clicking here

You just stack the trays, pour a handful of coins in and shake it like your panning for gold or something. The smaller coins keep dropping down through the trays until they’re all separated. It’s pretty brilliant actually!

If you want your own, click here to check it out on Amazon via our affiliate link (you pay the same low price either way, we just get a commission for referring you).

Despite my recent budget concerns, when I learned about this amazing regional restaurant chain, Grub Burger, I was all-in. Hey, #yolo right? Besides, this place has been getting rave reviews online so when I happened to be near their Brookhaven, GA location, it was definitely time to check it out and see what all of the hype was about for myself.

I got the Mac and Cheese Burger with sweet potato fries. Yes, you guessed correctly, it was loaded with macaroni and cheese (and bacon!) and yes it was delicious!

My friend Nicole was equally impressed with the meatless Hippie Chickpea Burger made from chickpeas and eggplant.

They have a ton of other innovative burger options to choose from such as the Bacon Love Burger (which I almost ordered first until I saw that the mac and cheeseburger also had Applewood bacon on it!) and the Guacapotle which features cheddar cheese, chipotle aioli and homemade guacamole! Oh my…

They also have salads, sides, sandwiches, bowls, milkshakes, pies and a partridge in a pear treeeeeeee (okay, not that last one but everything else).

They’re currently only in California, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Pennsylvania and Texas but if you’re near one, it’s definitely worth the trip! For more information, check out their website by clicking here.

Do you have another restaurant location we should check out? How about a food item or recipe that we should all try? Tell us about it in the comments below! Also make sure to join our foodie group on Facebook, Phenomnomnomenal, by clicking here…

So while we’re on the subject of food, remember last post how impressed I was with my little nephew’s foodie Christmas ornaments? Regular readers should know that it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t go look for these myself too!

There are so many of these online! I had no idea! With that said, here’s are some my favorites that I’ve seen so far:

Ha, these are awesome! Sushi? Sandwiches? pancakes? Pasta?

Whether I break out my little Charlie Brown sized tree this year or not, next year I’m going to have to go with a full sized version full of these ornaments! Ha, they’re grrrrreat! (<-there was a Frosted Flakes one too…)

If you’re planning to start going to a gym or change locations, now is the time to look! As a fitness professional for nearly 20 years, I can say without hesitation that your best deals are likely to start popping up now.

Although January is when the rush of new people flood the gyms to start their resolutions and burn off the extra weight gained over the holidays, most gyms try to lure you to their locations with deep discounts much earlier in hopes that you’ll choose them over the competition.

Some promotions may run through January but now is still the best time to start your comparison shopping and possibly save even more since this is the peak gym membership sales season to close out the year.

Whether you’re switching gyms or working out at home, remember that you don’t have to wait until January to start working toward your goal. So start now and keep going strong in 2018!

Do you have a fitness question you’d like answered or an accomplishment you’d like to share? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Today’s Soundtrack

It’s Beginning to look a lot like Christmas – Bing Crosby

Unpretty – TLC (like that red blazer…)

Bend Ova – Lil Jon ft Tyga

Shake Whatcha Mama Gave Ya – Poison Clan (just like you do with those coins)

Do you have another song that fits today’s themes? How about a song that doesn’t fit but is just so good that we should check it out anyway? Tell us about it in the comments below!

 

Besides mourning my account balance, today was also a sad day because it’s the end of an era. Yes, many years ago, my nephew DJ and my niece LaNaya gave me this Sponge Bob stationary that I’ve used to write my daily to-do lists for as long as I can remember. Today however, I have reached the bottom of the barrel. Literally. It was the last page. I feel bad using it so instead I will just archive it as I contemplate what design to replace it with going forward.

And while I have a lot of jokes about holiday spending, let’s obviously keep things in perspective and remember that it’s not all about the money. No matter your belief system, this entire month is really about coming together with friends and family and caring for others. The presents are just an added bonus.

So, would I love to come outside and see a giant red bow sitting on top of a new car on Christmas morning? Sure! But I’d also be just as happy with a warm hug. The hug just might be a bit tighter if it’s next to a brand new Mercedes AMG that’s all 😊

Anyway, before we close this one out, please remember to post a comment below before you leave and also make sure to follow me on social media by clicking the icons on the side panel.

Okay, that’s a wrap! I hope that you all have a great week and until next time May the Fork be With You…

-Darrell

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door” – Milton Berle