Hey what’s up everybody? Thanks for dropping by! So, I upgraded my phone the other day to a Samsung Galaxy S8… I’ll pause here for all the iPhone users to boo me but hey, if it ain’t broke, why fix it right? …wait, actually it was broke, that’s why I ended up upgrading so I suppose that statement is invalid to an extent.

Actually, my Galaxy S6 wasn’t broken, only my charger was, however I was still due for an upgrade so #yolo (you only live once) right?

As for why I still decided not to get an iPhone? I don’t know, I just didn’t feel like having to convert all of my stuff to iTunes and “i-this” and “i-that” right now. “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

But I’m not one of those, “I hate Apple” people, I’m just happy with my Android. But man people get so hot over the Android vs. Apple debate! Although I could point out that technically Samsung developed most of the technology first but hey, they’re both great so please save your hate mail. Or don’t…actually comment, man you people are lazy with that lol. So many readers, so few comments…woe is me.

Anyway, yeah, this phone is pretty sleek man. It’s black with a metallic blue back. The only issue I have with it is that since the screen is curved, the protector that came with the package is also curved so it requires more pressure to type on. As a result, I’ve had to readjust my typing style so I feel like a smartphone rookie all over again. What am I talking about? Allow me to explain.

 

When I bought my first smartphone back in the stone ages, it had a full keyboard that I used to be a pro with. I could type on that thing without even looking at the keys and I used what I refer to as “the crab hands technique” where you cradle the phone with both hands and use your 2 thumbs to type.

 

 

All was right with the world until I upgraded the phone to one that had a full touch screen and no keyboard. The screen was small and I have big fingers. The keyboard also had no texture so I had to stare at the screen to type and could no longer accurately hit the individual letters with my fat thumbs since they always hit 2 or 3 characters on the screen instead of the one that I was aiming for. I felt like a rookie again, just as I do now, because I had to adjust to a new typing style that I’ll refer as the “seek and destroy method.” In that style, I’d hold the phone in my left hand and use my right index finger to literally input each letter (yes, I know that the photo shows the phone in the right hand.  I’m not a lefty though so use your imagination).

 

Sure it was tedious, but I became pretty good at it. Besides, anything was better than that old T9 style where you only had 9 buttons and literally had to push each one several times to input a character (the horror! Ask your parents kids, it was brutal…or as brutal as first world problems can be).

Anyway, I rode that style out for several upgrades. Eventually things got easier and easier because the screens started getting bigger again plus the phone started to guess what I was typing so I rarely had to spell the entire word out (which has ruined my spelling skills to an extent but again, first world problems eh?). Since the screen was so sensitive, I even got boojee enough to start using a stylus! So yeah, once again, all was right with the world until last week when I upgraded to the S8.

So now, here I am, adjusting back to the old crab technique once again. It’s been a rough few days but I think that I’m getting the hang of it now…sorta. If any of you receive a text from me with an obscene number of typos though, you’ll know why. Still, like I said, once you’ve lived through T9 texting, anything is an upgrade so I’m not complaining at all.

Besides, this isn’t like the first touch screen that I tried when they first came out. This screen is about twice the size of that one which is pretty hilarious when you think about it.

 

When cell phones first popped up on shows like Miami Vice and Saved By the Bell, they were enormous! So all of the manufacturers scrambled to try and outdo one another to make them as small as possible (ex: watch the first Zoolander movie).

 

I’m not sure when or why that craze died out but things are surely different now! I purchased the Galaxy S8 which is already pretty big, especially once you ad a case but it’s still much smaller than the S8 Plus! I don’t even think I could fit that phone in my pocket (and I’m sure not wearing a belt clip lol). 

 

Seriously, some of these phones you might as well be carrying around a flat screen tv with you all day! We’re literally back to phones being the same size of the Miami Vice and Saved by the Bell phones, the only difference is these are flatter now.
It really is amazing how the past always seems to repeat itself…and I’m not just talking about big phones. Check out this status update that I shared on Facebook just the other day:

See? Everything comes back! That’s why it’s hard for me to get rid of old clothing and items at times. Granted, I’m a borderline packrat and also an actor who needs older clothing to portray past generations but still, you never know when some of these dumb trends will come back in style!

Although most of these don’t deserve to make a comeback! However, if they do, I’ll be ready!

With that said, I now present to you, Darrell’s Flashback Ugly 90s Fashion Show! Sponsored by my unorganized walk-in closet!  If you’re wondering, YES, these are all new photos, not throwbacks from back in the day.  However, if you’d like to check out some original photos from that time period, check out the post chronicling my time as the first black president (*of Thorne Middle School) by following this link…

Oh yeah, and a quick disclaimer for any cute single ladies out there reading this: No, I’m not a hoarder and no I don’t actually wear this stuff on a daily basis…although my current assortment of foodie shirts isn’t much better I suppose lol… anyway, on with the show!

Don’t have a Cow Man

Let’s pick up where the cover photo left off shall we?  But hey, calm down vegans!  It’s faux…

Although matching leather outfits are rarely seen outside of Pro Wrestling these days, between sad R&B singers and boy bands, “matchy matchy” leather outfits were HUGE back then!  

It’s like 80 something degrees outside today so I literally had to blast my AC before taking these photos.  With that said, I definitely give Jodeci props for surviving a trek through the desert wearing this crap in their “Cry for You” music video.  That must have been one hell of a breakup!

But wait, it gets better!  I could also mix things up and rock this leather trench coat instead!  I’m not sure what happened to the photo but no I’m not holding a lightsaber, that’s just a flare from the flash lol.

Do you know how many weeks of allowance money I had to save up to buy that thing?  Weeks!  Weeks I tell ya.  I had to wait until Chess King (lol yes that was the store’s name) finally put it on sale but it was well worth it!  I mean, who doesn’t need an impractical leather raincoat in their wardrobe?

Did I mention that ugly leather outfits also came in khaki?  

Since I’m name dropping obscure New Jersey stores, I’m pretty sure this eyesore came from Oak Tree…or was it Merry Go Round?  Hmm…either way, yeah, I never actually wore this in public.  Yet here it is now…on the internet…forever.  

 

Anyway, you’ve got to pair it with a Timberland skull cap to keep it fresssshhh.  Since I used to wear my clothes much baggier back then, these were actually falling off since I didn’t feel like grabbing a belt.  Instead I hiked them up to Urkel levels to keep them from dropping to my knees long enough to take the photo.  “Did I do that?”  Wait, actually Urkel would never wear this outfit, this looks more like something his “cool cousin Stefan” would wear.  Anybody still following all of this?  No?  Okay great, let’s move on shall we?

 

Speaking of Fresssshhh

Okay Will, I’ll see your ugly overalls and raise you with these – BAM!

Oh yes, I had to break out the green Cross Colours overalls.  Keeping it fresh once again with the Timbs and a vintage MTV hat…you know, from way back when they actually use to play music videos (“wait, MTV actually use to play music videos?” – Anyone born after 1995). 

In hindsight, perhaps I should have ironed those lol but whatever, no wrinkles will stop me from hitting that Running Man and Roger Rabbit to the fresh beats coming out of my Sony Discman with the bass-boost and anti-skip technology.  Jealous much?  I would be too.  And hey, let’s get a closer look at that shirt…

Yeah, that’s a Kermit the Frog mock Calvin Klein shirt.  I also have both a Popeye and a Homer Simpson version.  You see, back before Mark Wahlberg was Mark Wahlberg, he was Marky Mark, a funky bunch leading hip-hop artist who had a popular Calvin Klein ad campaign.  Cartoon characters rocking hip-hop gear and poses were really popular back then for some reason… especially those Bugs Bunny ones that I mentioned in the status above.  

Hip-hop Bugs Bunny

So here’s a closer look at one of them… but before I show you, let me adjust that cinch cuff… aww yeah

Okay, I’m good now…so here’s the shirt, paired with a classic Michael Jordan snapback…

Although this one is specific to Rutgers (my alma mater, but this shirt predates my time at RU by many years), I had at least 5 more… Oh yeah, I forgot to show you the back.  They were all 2-sided…well except for the knockoff ones in Chinatown or the Englishtown Flea Market…

Speaking of Michael Jordan…

Aside from my Facebook post, this topic was also inspired by my coworker Sasha J who mocked me for rocking a tank top over my t-shirt the other day (bully lol)!  That’s not my normal look, however I was too lazy to change out of my tee so I just threw my uniform over the shirt for a few hours.  Anyway, she said that I looked like The Fresh Prince which was pretty hilarious…wait until she sees those green overalls.  Anyway, here’s a recreation of the look with some vintage 90s gear!

That’s right, we’ve got the throwback Jordan 45 jersey with a crispy white tee underneath it.  Capping things off I’m rocking the black “Gilligan” bucket hat!  I may be tired or something but this outfit doesn’t look so bad…she’s right though, the tee has to go.

From Jumpman to Jump Jump

Jordan may be the “Jumpman” but you know who else will make ya “jump jump”?  That’s right…

 

 

 

If you have no idea why my clothes are on backwards then you fail 90’s hip-hop trivia 101.  The answer is because of these guys:  Kriss Kross. who were known for wearing their clothes backwards all of the time.

 

Since the statute of limitations is now up for my parents to ground me (I hope) I can confess that I almost ended up in detention for dressing like these guys at school one day lol.  But in my defense, how else am I supposed to dress when I’m “Miggety-miggety-miggety-miggety-mac daddy”?

Literally every 90s Hip-Hop or R&B Album Cover

Hey, does this pose look familiar?  

A few of you still pose like this but hey, I’m not one to judge so you do you lol.  Anyway, yeah, this was the iconic “I’m trying to look cool in the 90s” pose. 

When it’s done in front of a car or something it at least kind of makes sense but when I see people just randomly squat in photos outside or in a hallway for no discernable reason, all that I can think about is a bear taking a crap in the woods….but I digress.  

The outfit?  Timbs and a skully again, 2 staples of this era but this time paired with extreme-acid wash jeans and a denim jacket lol.  Again, this one isn’t so bad, lol – I still rock those jeans.  

Oh yeah, you couldn’t see the shirt!  Hold on…

There was a strange period in the late 90s where these spandex shirts were being worn by everyone!  After the trend died, I turned them into gym shirts for awhile before retiring them to “bad fashion exile island.”  Although considering how tight some of my regular shirts are, I might bring this trend back myself…

But I won’t bring this one back…

Don’t Call it a Comeback

LL Cool J was a fashion innovator with his one pant leg up look but I’m definitely not going to try and bring this look back…  Why not?

 

Um here’s why…

Ha, actually, I could see this possibly coming back but definitely without the bucket hat!  With it on, I kind of resemble an “eggplant emoji” in these pics…

It’s Time for The Percolator 

You know what else needs to not come back?  Sweater vests lol.  I think the only one rocking those now is that dude who yells at the bad teens on Maury.  Nobody else is wearing that crap.  But back in the day, I was a vest wearing fool!  Especially with my favorite black kangol hat?  Uhh…get it hahaha. Check it out…

lol rumor has it, those hats are coming back in style so I may need to keep it handy but that vest can go back into the foot locker asap! 

It served it’s purpose like a good soldier though because I do believe that I was wearing that very outfit the first time I went to “Teen Night and Hunka Bunka Ballroom” which was a Jersey dance club back in the day.  I ended up getting this girl’s phone number which I thought was because she was into me.  In hindsight, it’s possible that the crazy pattern on my vest combined with the pulsating strobe lights may have made her dizzy and affected her decision making skills.  Either way, she was cute…but this vest isn’t.

Oh wow, lol neither is this one… but check out the “Dwayne Wayne” flip-up shades!

Baja Black Sheep…

That vest reminds of my baja hoodies which are already making a comeback!  Unfortunately, I left them at my parents house but I do have a few bags with the same material!

 

 

I seriously can’t believe these have come back in style already lol maybe those leather pants have a chance after all…

Rayon shirts 

Also taking up space at my parents house are most of my ugly rayon shirts from back in the day.  For a point of reference, look back at that Fresh Prince shirt under his overalls or again, refer back to the post recapping my reign as student body president of my middle school.  A few gems can be found in that collection of photos as well (click this link to check it out)!

Here is one of the tamer patterns I still own… again, paired with one of those ridiculously tight spandex shirts lol.

 

I actually think that I could pull off wearing that outfit today so long as I ditch the Dwayne Wayne shades (flipped down this time) and possibly the hat.

 

Oh but about that hat!  If you don’t recognize it, it’s the logo of C&C Music Factory who were best known for their song “Gonna Make You Sweat” back in the day. 

That song so exemplifies the 90s that it’s the featured song in the commercial for the 90’s documentary on CNN!  They were my favorite group for years and were a part of the first concert that I ever went to without my parents (the first concert that I ever went to was Lisa Lisa and The Cult Jam at Six Flags Great Adventure with my parents). 

That concert was The Club MTV tour featuring C&C Music Factory, Bell Biv Devoe, Gerardo (lol Rico Suave), Tara Kemp and hosted by Downtown Julie Brown.  There may have been other acts but those were the ones I remember being excited about.  

 

I had a crush (yes, I had many crushes lol) on the “lead singer” Zelma Davis (I put lead singer in quotes because there was another…if you care to google it, it’s an interesting story lol) so my friend and I climbed up to this giant hill area that overlooked the tour busses to get a peak at the acts through the fence. 

She pulled back the curtain and saw us so she opened the window of her tour bus to wave at us and say hi!  Man, I nearly fell all the way back down that hill and died!  I would have died with a smile on my face though…

 

Speaking of hats

Hey, while we’re on the subject of hats, let’s take a look at these 2 travesties lol…. 

First we have the ugly all demin hat with the Beavis and Butthead tee.  Ha, I think that under a very specific set of circumstances I could pull that hat off though.  And the tee?  I’d still wear that!

As for the hat on the right?  Oh my.  Ha, that thing actually used to be cool…and not “ironic goofy cool” I mean, it was legit cool.  Like 90’s hip-hop cool.  It’s funny because you don’t think of tough guys rocking Dr. Suess looking stocking caps but hey, the 90s were an interesting time!

The Finisher

I’m going to close the show with one of the most iconic 90s fashion statements – the classic Starter Jacket!

I could actually picture these making a comeback…or at least in my world since I’m a fashion daredevil at times lol.  

 

The only coat possibly hotter than these back in the 90s was the old school 8-ball jacket.

 

Man, I wanted one so bad I saved my money up for it and everything and then this dude Jermal came strutting into school with one the week before I was going to buy mine!  

I didn’t want to look like I was copying off of him.  I mean, there was only room for one ugly 8-ball jacket in school so he won.  

I see that these are actually making a comeback though so if he doesn’t still have his, I may need to order one asap!

Anyway, underneath that Starter Jacket I’ve got yet another hip-hop cartoon character tee, this time Pebbles and Bam Bam.  Plus another Michael Jordan snapback.

 Wear this outfit in public?  Yabba-dabba don’t!

Okay, that’s enough ugly 90s fashion for today.  I say “today” because I barely even made a dent in my closet.  Seriously, I didn’t even get to the MC Hammer pants, Rude Dog tees and other gems yet so a round 2 may happen at some point!

Again, if you enjoyed this post, I highly recommend that you check out the Big Hair Don’t Care post from a few months ago!  You won’t be disappointed lol…

What were your favorite 90s fashion trends?  Which would you like to see make a comeback?  Comment below!

Today’s Soundtrack

Cry for You – Jodeci (like that meme said, when she has you wearing leather in the desert, you’ve got it bad…)

Can You Feel the Beat – Lisa Lisa and The Cult Jam 

Getting Jiggy With It – Will Smith

Gonna Make You Sweat – C&C Music Factory

Poison – Bell, Biv, Devoe

Rico Suave – Gerardo

Hold You Tight – Tara Kemp

Uptown Anthem – Naughty By Nature (Another one of my favorite 90’s groups)

In Bloom – Nirvana (My personal favorite song of theirs)

Okay wow, this list could go on forever.  90’s music was incredible so I may have to make a separate 90s music post.  In the meantime, comment below with your favorite songs that fit today’s themes or that we should just check out in general!

Well hopefully those of you old enough to remember the 90’s enjoyed the trip down memory lane and those of you who don’t remember, hopefully you enjoyed your journey to WTF-ville. Either way, we’re done here lol.

Oh but not so fast! Don’t leave without commenting below and click on the social media icons to follow me if you’re not already (shame!).

Oh yeah, and I checked out the new Spider-Man movie last weekend. If you like superheroes, you’ll enjoy it. It’s good! Make sure you stay until the very end…I mean, very very end after the credits stop rolling. You’re welcome.

Anyway, that’s a wrap for today. Again, continue the conversation on the Fat Darrell page on Facebook and more by clicking the links on the side panel. Until next time my friends, May the Fork be With You…

-Darrell

“Peace Out Smell Ya Later…” – The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air