Well alright alright alright, let’s get this party started!  I was going to take a power nap before writing this but since there’s currently a woman loudly singing The Alphabet Song to her kid outside of my apartment, I guess that option is now off the table.  Sadly enough, she’s actually gotten the song wrong at least 3 times so far. Yes you read that correctly, she got the alphabet wrong more than once.  Hmm, I really hope that kid’s not being home schooled.

Anyway, welcome to #DoubleFML – FatDarrellPalooza!  For new readers, what is #DoubleFML exactly?  Essentially it’s an online talk show so we can discuss any topic at any time.  However, there’s usually an extra emphasis placed on the things I’m best known for which are Food, Fitness, Music and Laughs.  So aside from the play on words alluding to the popular FML hashtag, that’s what the Double F’s, the M and the L stand for in the title. Kapeesh? (Capeesh? Yes, I know the actual word in Italian is Capisce but most people wouldn’t have known what I was talking about had spelled it correctly Kapeesh? lol)     

So I passed one of those Liberty Travel Tax Preparation sign twirlers on the way home from the gym this morning.  He had on a full Statue of Liberty costume and looked so mortified and bored out there.  I felt bad for him for a second until I passed another sign spinner, this time a girl working outside of Little Caesar’s Pizza holding a sign that said “Hot and Ready $5” – so yeah, it’s all about perspective.  Things can always be worse eh?

But still, that Liberty Travel sign was a good reminder that I need to hurry up and finally do my taxes.  It’s almost March – most people have been done for weeks!  I know people who have literally been counting down to filing their return ever since the New Year’s Eve Countdown ended!  It’s always fun hearing how huge some of their plans for the money are.  They’re like “Ooh, I’m going to buy a new car, a flat screen tv, 2 couches, a spaceship, a helicopter, a talking parrot and a pony….yeah, a pony!”     

This is pretty normal for me though.  My accountant (aka my mother ha sorry Mom!) hates that I always push it to the last minute, but I actually prefer getting my tax return later in the year.  First off, it helps me not spend the money as quickly and second, I’m usually still coming off of the high from Christmas cash at the beginning of the year so I don’t really need it as much yet.  Don’t worry though Mom, I’ll get it done soon, I promise!

Ha typing “Christmas cash” just reminded me of my grandmother.  Why did everyone from that generation always give money like it was a mafia deal or something?  Whenever I was about to go home after visiting my grandparent’s house, she would look me in the eye and shake my hand and then I’d feel that $20 bill hit my palm.  I always felt like Don Corleone or Scarface back then, except my empire wasn’t built from blow, it was built from pixie sticks and Now and Laters (ha true story.  I’ll tell you about my grade school candy empire some other time though). 

She was such a genuinely sweet lady though.  Maybe it’s the Southern values because my parents are the exact same way.  They’re just kind, warm-hearted people who would literally give you the shirt off their back if you asked them for it.  I try to be like that too but I have years of Jersey sarcasm flowing through these veins so it’s a constant struggle.

Speaking of struggling, can someone please help me understand what’s going on with this weather lately?  Okay now I know that if the groundhog sees it’s shadow, it means that winter will last another 6 weeks and if it’s cloudy, then spring will arrive early right?  So what exactly did the groundhog see to make it freezing cold in the morning then shoot up to like 80 degrees then drop down to subarctic temperatures 2 hours later?  Seriously, what did he see, a fun house mirror?! 

I’ve joked about this in the past but I’ve literally been carrying a duffel bag with everything ranging from shorts to a full winter coat in the trunk of my car lately.  I had more wardrobe changes yesterday than a Beyonce concert!  If my apartment thermostat could talk it would probably call me an indecisive idiot because one minute I have the heat all the way up, then the A/C, then back to the heat followed by the A/C again.  If the thermostat and I were in a relationship our Facebook status would be “it’s complicated.”  I don’t know if I want ice cream or hot chocolate right now (Okay that’s a lie, we all know I’m greedy and want both…)!

 

Oh yeah, and while we’re on the subject of food and things that I don’t understand, here’s the label from some microwave popcorn that I was looking at yesterday.  Why do they always put the caloric breakdown for it unpopped?  Who exactly is that for?  Seriously, who’s the weirdo out there eating an entire cup of uncooked popcorn?  I may eat a few of the crunchier ones that don’t pop but purposefully ripping the bag open and dumping the whole thing into my mouth without heating it first?  Umm no lol who does that?  And more importantly, who is their dentist?  That guy must deserve a medal! 

 

Also in the grocery store, check it out – Easter Peeps Oreos!  No, that’s not my shopping cart, that picture is courtesy of Melinda Corse from Russell, PA.  Her husband Clinton, son Eric and her friend Shannon Hudson all taste tested these yesterday for me and they all gave them the thumbs up!  Shannon said that the peeps flavoring basically tastes like marshmallow.  Clinton pinpointed it down to tasting like Lucky Charms marshmallows before milk hits them.  Melinda added that while they’re good, they have a vanilla cookie instead of chocolate which would have made them even better.  Eric said nothing but continued to mow through an entire row of them so I’d say that’s a pretty solid endorsement!  And as for me?  I don’t know – I still have emotional trauma from the Swedish Fish Oreo incident so for now I’ll just have to take their word for it Kapeesh?!  Thanks for the report guys!

So here’s a recipe that I absolutely WILL try.  It’s for a grilled cheese sandwich (sammich is more fun to type but I was trying to be classier for a minute lol) but the “bread” is made from cauliflower so it’s healthy!  This isn’t a new concept as people have been making this for years, however Delish posted a video featuring their version a few days ago and it’s taken the internet by storm!  Here’s the recipe if you’d also like to try it at home!

Cauliflower Grilled Cheese

Recipe courtesy of Delish

Total Time: 25 Minutes

Serves: 3-4 unless you’re feeding me, then it serves 1.  But yeah, it makes 3-4 sammi…whoops, sorry sandwiches.
INGREDIENTS

1 head cauliflower, (to make about 4 cups processed cauliflower)

2 eggs, lightly beaten

1/2 c. finely grated Parmesan

1/2 tsp. oregano

1 1/2 c. shredded white Cheddar

DIRECTIONS

Cut cauliflower into florets. Process cauliflower florets in a food processor until the texture resembles rice. Alternatively, you can grate the cauliflower.

In a medium bowl, combine processed cauliflower, eggs, Parmesan and oregano. Mix until evenly combined then season with salt and pepper.

Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Spray with cooking spray then scoop the cauliflower mixture into a small patty on one side of the pan. Repeat to form a second patty on the other side. (These are your “bread” slices.) Press down on both pieces with a spatula and cook until golden underneath, about 5 minutes. Flip and cook until the other sides are golden, about 3 minutes more.

Top one cauliflower slice with cheese then place the other cauliflower slice on top. Cook until the cheese is melted, about 2 minutes more per side. Repeat with remaining ingredients.

That looks “Delish” right?  I can’t wait to try this!  My friend Chelsea already did!  If you watched the self-defense video in my last post (if you haven’t yet, you should they did an incredible job helping me out with that project!) you’ll remember her kicking and tossing Troy all over the place (thanks again for your assistance Troy!  Better you than me my friend lol) but who knew that she was also a dynamo in the kitchen as well!  She really is Wonder Woman lol here’s the one that she made! 

 

Her version includes spinach (eat your greens and you’ll grow up to be strong like Chelsea kiddos!).  When I make my version, I think I’ll throw in some other types of cheese and ad turkey bacon!  Mmm….bacon. 

Give these a shot and let me know how they come out in the comments below!  Also if you’d like to share a recipe or suggestion tell us about it as well!

 

If the weather in your area is as crazy and bipolar as the weather here in Georgia has been lately, you’ll need to keep your immune system boosted to avoid getting sick.  Quick weather changes used to destroy me back in the day but in recent years I’ve taken much better care of my body and you can too with a few simple additions to your daily routine!  Load up on citrus fruits, bell peppers, broccoli, spinach, ginger, yogurt, mushrooms and garlic (unless you’re going on a date or you’re a vampire…).

If the mere thought of eating those foods makes you gag, try a greens powder that you can add to a shake.  Or if shakes aren’t your thing, look for a quality pill form of those items or a multivitamin blend that includes superfoods.  The herbs Echinacea and Goldenseal also have great immune boosting properties so also consider researching those as well.

And obviously dress for the part.  It hit 85 degrees yesterday afternoon so I had reggae/soca music playing in my car as the sun beamed through the sunroof. I got so caught up in the early summer vibe that I left the house without that duffle bag full out outfits I referred to earlier.  Several hours later when the temperature dropped below freezing and I had to stop for gas wearing only a t-shirt and a light hoodie, I knew I had messed up.  Learn from my mistake and bring layers with you that you can peel off and put back on as the temperature changes.

Last but not least, fitness tip number 3 is a link to an article that I wrote a few years ago with my accountant (aka Mom).  Interestingly enough, many of the tips for financial success are also quite similar to the tips for successfully reaching your fitness goals.  Here’s a link to the article on Urblife.com.  Check it out!  http://urblife.com/the-life/skinny-waist-fat-pockets/

Have a fitness question you’d like answered or a success story you’d like to share?  Tell us about it in the comments below!

Today’s Soundtrack

ABC – The Jackson 5 (apparently it’s not as easy as 123 for that lady who was singing outside of my apartment earlier…lol and the Michael Jackson reference tally increases yet again…)

Taxman – The Beatles (Every time they sing Taxman it sounds like the 70’s Batman theme…)

Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems – The Notorious B.I.G. (B.I.G. PO-PPA, no info for the DEA…)

Taxman Mr. Thief – Cheap Trick

Crazy – Seal (Mother Nature is apparently a Seal fan lol this weather is loco)

Insane in the Membrane – Cypress Hill (Yeah, typing loco made me think of this song next…)

Pop Corn – Hot Butter (lol this video is weird hahaha please film yourself doing these dance moves and send it to me immediately!)

Grillz – Nelly featuring Paul Wall, Ali & Gipp (too bad he wasn’t talking about grilled cheese sammies, perhaps he should remix this?)

Have another song to ad to today’s soundtrack? Post it below!  There are definitely more tax and money songs so I’ll have to post them in April if nobody beats me to it in the comments section…

Okay well that’s a wrap for today.  Again, I love all the private messages but I encourage you all to comment so that you can also be a part of the conversation as well! The comment box is below – you just need to create a username and provide your email address then you’re good to go!  There’s also a like and a share button down there too so be sure to hit those as well.  And then (regular readers, say it along with me…) follow me on social media by clicking the buttons on the side panel. 

Despite the limited number of comments, boy are you guys helping this site grow behind the scenes.  That last post had an overwhelming number of views and shares.  It was great to see the love and support for such a great cause.  I also love the fact that so many of you have reached out for assistance locating self-defense classes in your towns.  Again, remember that the main objective is to get away to safety and that’s what a quality self-defense course can do for you. 

Alright, well I’m going to head out and see if I can find that lady to teach her that W comes before X in the alphabet but I’ll be back with another post on Thursday.  Until next time my friends, May the Fork be With You…

-Darrell

“You can plan a pretty picnic. But you can’t predict the weather…”