Hey everybody, welcome back to #DoubleFML-FatDarrellPalooza! So a few weeks ago I posted about the first cup of coffee that I actually liked. I’ve hated coffee ever since childhood so that was a major revelation! Unfortunately, the one flavor that I finally liked is only available during the December holidays so I haven’t had any coffee since then (Starbucks Chestnut Praline – if anyone knows a dealer, I’ve got the cash man lol I want another cup!). However, that one positive experience has eliminated coffee from “Darrell’s Disgusting Foods” list (sort of…I still need to find more flavors that I like before I consider myself a true “coffee drinker”) after a ban that has been in existence for over a quarter of a century!
So that got me thinking (which is always dangerous lol). Perhaps the other foods on my banned list deserve a second chance too. I mean, they say that your taste buds change every 5-7 years so it’s possible that other foods on my list may have been unfairly crucified as well. Of course, there’s only one way to find out! So today, in the interest of both greed and science lol I’m going to revisit 5 of these 10 foods to give them another chance (I’ll try the other 5 in part 2).
Now, if you’ve been paying attention, when it comes to food, I’m rather greedy (#greedyAF actually lol) so of the foods that I’ve tried, there haven’t been many that I didn’t like. But these 10 items have managed to do the impossible by scorning me so badly that I never wanted to try them again (actually 11 if you count those Swedish Fish Oreos but I should get a pass on having to try those again for a least another 5-7 years since that just happened!).
Anyway, here’s the current list of offenders: Pastrami (ewe), Green Olives (disgusting), Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream (gross), Unflavored Seltzer Water (gag), York Peppermint Patties (no), Egg Nog (vomit), Collard Greens (hmmm, this one deserves a second look), Turnips (this one doesn’t…), Coffee Flavored Jelly Beans (uggh) and Indian Food (Namaste? More like Noms-Nasty…or at least the version I tried when this girl brought some to school for our class to sample. I love spicy food and this is a wide category though so I’m thinking this one has the best shot at winning me over).
So which foods should receive a pardon and which should stay locked up forever? Let’s find out shall we?
Pastrami – Growing up in the northeast, this is almost blasphemous to say but yeah, pastrami is not one of my faves. It always looks so great in the commercials though! With the stacked layers of thinly-sliced meat and hot mustard dripping off of the sides. Mmmmm…. So I was really excited when it was one of the dinner options on my International flight! But when I bit into it, it was super salty and not very impressive (super salty and not very impressive? Ha, reminds me of my ex…).
Now I already know what you’re thinking. “But Darrell, you had it on a plane, of course it would be disgusting!” But NO actually that’s where you’re wrong because truth be told, I absolutely LOVE airline food! Haha, no, I’m dead serious lol and I used to especially love Continental’s which was the airline I was flying at the time (but Virgin International has better brownies…you’re welcome). I don’t know if it’s the same now since they’ve merged with United though.
Actually, most airlines barely serve meals anymore but yeah, maybe it’s the excitement of traveling but those tiny little meals have always been awesome! Like if I could have afforded to pay for a chef to make me tiny little airline meals at home I could literally eat them all day (I know, I have issues haha but if you know a former chef for Continental have them get in touch!). So yeah, I expected the same from the pastrami sandwich that I ordered but nope, it was kinda gross…but yes, I still finished it lol…and then the lady seated next to me gave me her salad and potato chips so I ate those too (#greedyAF yes lol we’ve established that already). But again, I digress – pastrami was permanently banned based on that experience but today it’s getting a second chance…a second chance at love lol.
Now despite my strange enjoyment of airline food, I know that may not have been the best representation of pastrami and the stakes are way too high to play around this time. I mean, the result of this test could result in a permanent ban..a death row sentence if you will, so in order to give it a fair trial, I took the suggestions of several pastrami fans and headed over to the extremely well reviewed Jason’s Deli in Dunwoody, GA.
The owner recommended that I try The Reuben which is a half-pound of stacked pastrami (there’s also a corned beef version…I’ve actually never had corned beef but maybe we’ll save that taste-test for St. Patrick’s Day) with sauerkraut, cheese and dressing on rye bread. I’ve always heard of Reuben’s so I was curious to try one but wow, that’s a lot of wild ingredients going with something I already don’t like. Hmm, I dunno man. Despite trying to clear my head, this still sounded dicey. But hey, I trusted the owner’s judgment so Reuben it is.
When the waitress brought it out, it was stacked high! It certainly looked impressive. But even if it looked incredible, it could still be salty and nasty on the inside (incredible looks but nasty on the inside? Ha once again, reminds me of…nevermind lol).
So yeah, YOLO, I closed my eyes and took a huge bite and….. Oh wow….I took another bite….oh WOW again! It was delicious! Each half was so big that it was easier to not put it down in between bites but I didn’t want to anyway! I literally inhaled that thing lol, I think I made the little old lady at the next table nauseous (you shouldn’t have been watching me granny! Although she was also probably wondering why I was taking pictures of my plate lol) because I finished that whole thing in about 15 minutes! It was that good! To think, I could have been eating these for years!
Pastrami Verdict: Full Pardon! The ban has been lifted! Congratulations pastrami, you’re free (actually, you’re $14 plus a tip but still worth every penny!)
This experiment was off to a great start! I hope they all go this well!
Green Olives – Pickles have always been one of my favorites. I used to buy them from this deli up the street from my house by the boatload. So when my sweet neighbor Ms. Jackson was babysitting me back in the day and she opened up a jar full of green things that kind of looked like baby pickles, I was all for it! Plus she was popping them like Pac-Man eating pellets (how many Pac-Man references are we up to for this blog so far?) so based on how delicious she made them look, I thought I was in for a treat! But oh no…that was no treat my friends. That was one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced…and bare in mind, that statement includes sitting through an entire episode of Cop Rock back in the day (look it up…). Yes, olives are even worse that that! …or at least they were, because today, the slate is wiped clean for the sake of a fair trial.
One thing they have going for them is the fact that their cousin, black olives, were removed from the list back in the mid-2000’s. I had initially banned all olives. So even at Olive Garden, I would eat all of the pepperoncini peppers from the salad and my girlfriend at the time would eat all of the black olives. It was a beautiful arrangement. It wasn’t until she ordered a pizza covered with black olives that I realized they weren’t so bad – at least when they were cooked…and on a pizza. Although, nearly anything cooked and on a pizza would be good. You could accidentally bake a dirty sock into a pizza and I’d still consider eating it. So yeah, I might have to put black olives back on trial to see how the fare without appearing on one of my favorite foods but for now, this is about green olives.
Now, I’m trying to keep an open mind about this one to be fair but man, I am not looking forward to this one lol. I mean, the pastrami on the plane (lol that would be a great movie title…snakes on a plane sequel?) was at least tolerable enough to finish. I just wouldn’t have ordered it again that’s all. No harm no foul. But green olives? Man, I remember feeling like I was about to die from that taste. Ugggghhh….although I was expecting them to be great. This time I expect them to be horrible but the truth may lie somewhere in the middle so hey, buck up Darrell, you’ve got this!
So yeah, I got these Early California brand green olives since I like The Lakers and the 49ers lol. I also didn’t know which company to go with but I I’m sure they all taste equally disgusting. Sorry, wait, open mind…I mean taste equally delicious.
Okay, let’s do this! Wow man these smell awful lol hold on and let me get a drink ready just in case. Ms. Jackson, this one’s for you! …………..AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man, if we ever turn this blog into a TV show you would have witnessed a near-death experience just now! I’m sorry Ms. Jackson, I am for realllllll…. OMG that was just as disgusting as I remember. I couldn’t even finish that. I spit it out and now I’m chewing all of the gum that I can possibly find.
Before you go posting your favorite brand in the comments for me to try instead, I’m already telling you I’m not doing that one again lol. Oh man, the good karma from the pastrami has definitely come full circle. Black olives, you are absolutely going back on trial again now too. You shall pay for the sins of the green monster. Ugh, I can still taste it…man. My neighbors are going to love me if I keep buying all this crap to taste test lol they can chase those nasty Oreos I gave them with the rest of this jar. I don’t even want to see these again lol.
Green Olives verdict: BANNED FOR LIFE!!! Do not collect $200, go straight to jail with no parole. OMG there’s got to be more gum around here…hold on, I’m going to brush my teeth.
Seltzer Water – Okay, don’t worry, I reset my palette and waited before testing this one so it too could get a fair trial. I don’t think it could get any worse than that last one though so onward and upward eh?
So the story on the seltzer water is simple. I just thought I was getting normal water one time as a kid so I turned up the bottle (Turn up! Turn up!) and this bubbly nastiness came out and burned my unsuspecting throat. Now I did end up being given another bottle of it a few years ago so I put some amino acids (workout recovery powder) in it and it wasn’t bad actually. But adding powder and not having the bottle explode was way too much hassle and it still tastes awful without the assist so I’d rather just have regular water.
Anyway, since Early California may not have been the crème de la crème of olives, I made sure to go extra bougie (Bad and Bougie lol) with this water so there would be absolutely no excuse if this too is disgusting. So I went with this snooty Perrier bottle of unflavored seltzer and I threw in a VOSS Artsian lemon cucumber sparkling water (oh you fancy huh?) to try an option that’s already flavored as well.
Now, in hip-hop culture, they always pour a little out for the ‘homey’s that ain’t here’ so should I pour a little sparkling water out for the ‘bougie hipsters that ain’t here’? I kid, I kid lol okay let’s do this.
Perrier unflavored first……hmm…lemme try another sip…blah. I mean, it’s not bad this time. As a kid I was drinking tears of sadness and disappointment lol this time I knew what I was getting into. But still, I don’t get the point of this. If I wanted water I’d just drink water and if I wanted bubbles I’d drink something with a taste. This one isn’t bad, it just also isn’t good. It’s a thumbs-sideways. I might put some preworkout in it tomorrow morning though so it’ll feel like I’m poppin bottles when I hit the gym lol. But I won’t buy this again.
Okay, now let’s try this VOSS Artesian Water. VOSSSSSSSS (sorry, I said that Rick Ross style lol try it, it’s fun!). Lemon cucumber eh? I’ll make sure to hold my pinky up for this one
lol. The bottle is cool actually, if I wasn’t wearing Batman slippers right now (true story lol) I’d almost feel like a real adult drinking this stuff. Okay, let’s see how it tastes……hmm, before I even get it to my mouth it kinda smells like the lemon dishwashing liquid that I use…..and yep, it tastes like I’d imagine dishwashing liquid tastes….but with bubbles lol. The flavor comes on a bit strong but it’s not awful. Again, thumbs in the middle. Adding flavor is definitely the right idea so this appeals more to me than the unflavored but if I were thirsty, I couldn’t imagine reaching for this. However I don’t think that I’m their target audience anyway so for me, it’s a pass. But I’ll keep the bottle! VOSSSSSSSSSS
Seltzer Water Verdict: Life sentence with the possibility of parole in another 5-7 years.
Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream – Oh yeah, I’m sure I’ll take some heat for this one since it’s most people’s favorite flavor but I’m not saying that it’s bad in general, I’m saying it’s bad to me…or at least it was. This was another case where I was given the wrong item as a kid and was left with a cone full of disappointment lol. My favorite flavor at the time was regular chocolate chip (I later switched to cookies and cream) but the guy scooped out mint chocolate chip and I thought it was just food coloring or something making it green. I didn’t know it was going to taste like mint so man was I in for a surprise! It felt like I was chewing Winterfresh gum while eating ice cream. I was not pleased and I don’t think I finished that one. From that point forward, it was a permanent ban on anything chocolate-mint, however Olive Garden (wow, 2 references in one post? Lol I haven’t been there in over 4 years, I must be craving breadsticks…) gives out those chocolate mint squares after meals and when I finally tried one several years ago, I actually liked it! That could bode well for this chocolate chip mint ice cream experiment… although I won’t be high on chicken parm and fettucine this time…
So yeah, Breyers has a great rep for their ice cream flavors and this one is all natural so I’d say this is a fair trial. Let’s see if chocolate mint ice cream can get redemption like Shawshank.
Okay so first impressions – wow look at that! It looks just like regular chocolate chip! Back when I was fooled it was mint green. I guess this is because they didn’t use any artificial dyes so that’s good. I really expected this to be green so that threw me off a bit lol I had to check the label again. Some poor kid looking for regular chocolate chip is going to have the same experience that I did with this imposter! It’s like biting into a cookie thinking it’s chocolate chip and then it turns out to be oatmeal raisin. Trust issues man, that’s how they start. Anyway, let’s taste this stuff.
……….so I put the spoon in my mouth and the mint hit me like BAM! It was just like when I was a kid and I thought I was chewing gum while eating ice cream which was a weird feeling so I was about to come back to this laptop and give it a failing grade but then the shock of the mint went away and it reminded me of those Olive Garden chocolates that I liked. So I was confused for a minute and decided to go back for another spoonful to decide my answer. Then I got another spoonful….and another…..and one more just to be certain….then another and well, yeah, I now have a full bowl sitting next to me so look at that? Chocolate Chip Mint Ice Cream, you’ve done it! Don’t get me wrong, Cookies and Cream is still where it’s at. Plus chocolate, butter pecan, regular chocolate chip…so yeah, I don’t know if this can work it’s way up the depth chart to ever reach number one. BUT it is now at least in the game.
Chocolate Chip Mint Ice Cream Verdict: FULL PARDON!
York Peppermint Patty – Hmm, that last result could be very fortunate for influencing this trial too since both items were banned at the same time. Actually, York’s were initially banned with the mint ice cream but then I gave it a shot one Halloween too since it was already in my trick-or-treat stash. It failed inspection and I’ve never touched it again. This is one of my niece’s favorite’s though so La La, this one is for you! Okay, here goes nothing…
Hmm…okay, this chocolate mint combo is a little stronger than the ice cream so had I tried it first, it may have gotten an extended jail sentence. But after eating like a pint of similarly flavored ice cream lol I’m smellin’ what you’re cookin’ York. Again, the flavor comes on a little strong but it’s not bad. If I’m going to waste calories on candy, this may never be my go-to but if someone decides to give me one, it won’t go to waste!
York Peppermint Patty Verdict: Full pardon not just for York but for ALL chocolate-mint items!
Wow, who knew? That was actually pretty productive and educational for me, lol, I guess my palette really did change a little! So here’s where we stand so far:
Coffee: Jury still deliberating (except for you my sweet Chestnut Praline…)
Pastrami: Not Guilty!
Green Olives: Guilty…Guilty AF…Throw them under the jail!
Seltzer: Blah, stay in jail but with good behavior I can possibly make a case for you later.
Chocolate Chip Mint Ice Cream and York Peppermint Patty: Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty they’re free at last!
As mentioned, I’ll get to the rest of the list as soon as possible so stay tuned for part 2. Finding egg nog in February might be tricky though but I’ll see what I can do!
What foods did you hate as a kid that you would consider trying now to see if your taste buds changed like mine? Comment below!
Let’s stay on a similar theme for today’s fit tip! Just like your taste buds change every 5-7 years, so does your body. That means that some of the things you might have done to lose weight or build muscle in the past might not be as effective several years later. The best way to know if workouts are producing results is to track your progress through food and workout journals. It also helps to learn your body through physicals and fitness tests to determine what areas you need to improve on and to help you devise the best strategy to do so. Without this information, you “won’t know what you don’t know” so you may blindly spin your wheels with no direction in the gym which could lead to wasted time and frustration. Learn your body and seek outside help from a professional if you stop seeing results on your own.
Fit tip #2 – So the Superbowl is coming up this Sunday and I’ve had a lot of people asking me which approach they should take in regards to nutrition for the big game. There are several approaches that you can take really, so here are a few ideas to pick from based on your lifestyle:
- Depending on how disciplined you’ve been all week with your nutrition, Sunday could also coincide with your cheat meal. It is the last football game of the season so as long as you get back on the wagon the next day and try to reign in the sweets and junk leading up to the big game, enjoy yourself on that day. If you’re hosting a party though, make sure to send the leftovers home with your guests or donate them to a shelter so you’re not tempted to finish them yourself.
- Depending on how receptive your guests are, you can make healthy substitutions for most of the football classics like baked wings instead of fried. You can also make veggie plates, kale chips, healthy wraps, slow cooker chili or break out the grill since it’s been abnormally warm across most of the country lately! There are a lot of great healthy recipes out there (if you have any you’d like to share to help others, drop it in the comments below) so be creative and you can still have your football feast…just a healthier one.
- The game doesn’t start until later in the evening so there’s plenty of time for you to fit in a workout before your party. Depending on how fit your crowd is, you could also come up with workout bets throughout the game as well. So each time the opposing team scores, you have to do 10 pushups or jumping jacks for example (*may not work so well if you’re drinking!).
Have a fitness related question you’d like answered? Post it in the comments below!
So yeah, who ya got in the Superbowl? The Atlanta Falcons or the New England Patriots? This should be a great game between 2 really talented teams!
What’s your pick? Comment below!
Oh yeah, I know this is running long but since I mentioned liquid detergent earlier, it reminded me of my favorite sponge, Scrub Daddy!
This was actually featured on Shark Tank. He’s cool because he stays solid in cold water and turns into a sponge in hot water. Now if only they could make a #DoubleFML version where the smiley face is upside down…
Hot Pastrami – The Dartells (Man I could REALLY go for another one of those Rueben’s right now lol and funny, I just realized this group’s name is awfully similar to my name…and they’re singing about sandwiches!)
Izzo (H.O.V.A) – Jay-Z (“Not guilty y’all got to feel me…”)
Locked UP – Akon ft. Styles P (Green Olives – you’re NEVER getting out EVERRRRRR!!!!)
Ms. Jackson – OutKast (I’m sorry Ms. Jackson, I am for realllllll, those olives man…ugh… I’d absolutely eat the dirty sock pizza before popping another one of those again!)
Purple Lamborghini – Skrillex & Rick Ross (Rossssss Vosssssss)
Bad and Boujee – Migos (Boujee…Bougie…VOSSSSSSS lol sorry last one I pinky swear)
Paparazzi – Lady Gaga (My favorite song of hers – looking forward to this half time show!)
No Scrubs – TLC (No Scrub Daddy? Awww)
Sugar Daddy O – Sneaker Pimps (I’ve been down with EDM before EDM was EDM lol still love this song)
That was actually a lot of fun revisiting those foods so I’m looking forward to part 2! I had other plans for next week but don’t worry, part 2 is definitely coming soon. Either way, I’ll be back with another post on Monday and in the meantime, you know what to do – comment, like, share and follow me on social media! Thanks again for dropping by – y’all come back now ya hear (name that show! Comment below…)?
Hasta la Pasta (yep, I’m definitely craving breadsticks…)
“Go Go Gadget Copter!”