Hello my fellow Americans and readers from around the world lol welcome to #DoubleFML – FatDarrellPalooza! Between Obama’s farewell speech and Trump’s inauguration; coming fresh off the heels of a hotly contested election season, politics have been at the forefront of everyone’s mind lately. So what better time to look back and reflect on the historic reign of the first black president…of Thorne Middle School!
That’s right, we the people are going to throw it back four score and 7 years ago to Middletown, New Jersey when yours truly was in eighth grade and got elected as el presidente (not sure why I decided to say that in Spanish but now I’m really craving a burrito…ooh and some tacos!) of the student body! And whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican, a Conservative or a Liberal, I think that we can all agree on one thing…that sure is some sweet hair!
Ha, actually yeah, let’s take another look at that hair, shall we?
Believe it or not, this trainwreck was actually my official class photo for the year! Oh man hahaha wow just a few years ago I probably would have NEVER posted this picture but eh #yolo (you only live once) lol.
Actually, this picture isn’t half as bad as it would have been a few years ago because that Kid N’ Play (look them up young whippersnappers lol…) high-top fade hairstyle has somehow made a comeback (Thanks Swaggy P lol)?! That multi-colored rayon shirt though? Man you could orbit the moon a thousand times and that thing still wouldn’t be back in style! …or at least I hope not lol but hey, you never know.
Thankfully that isn’t a full body pic because the pants may have been even worse! Hopefully I just had on regular blue denim jeans but it’s highly possible that I was wearing my favorite bright yellow denim pants that day! Yeah, bright yellow pants lol but hey looking like a Crayola box was in style back then! Check out old TLC or 90’s hip-hop videos and you’ll see what half of my wardrobe looked like. This company Cross Colours used to make them and…oh wow, I just looked them up to make sure that I spelled the brand correctly and hold up, they’re still in business? Oh wow, seriously? Look! http://crosscoloursla.com/ – Ha, I had no idea! Too funny… if those pants are on the way back then that ugly shirt may have some hope of coming back in style after all! Wow, my eighth-grade photo is looking more current by the minute!
Anyway, I digress (if you’re a regular reader you know that won’t be the last time lol).
So my political career got off to a rocky start when I ran for Vice President in 7th grade. Thorne Middle School was comprised of 6th, 7th and 8th graders but the student body positions were over the entire school, not just one class. VP was the highest position that I was allowed to run for as a 7th grader so I knew going in that it would be an uphill battle to beat out an 8th grader since they were like the “cool seniors” of the school. Still, I’ve always been the type to aim big so I went for it anyway.
Unfortunately, most of my old campaign posters are archived at my parent’s house but imagine photos of a 7th grade me photocopied onto various national landmarks like Mount Rushmore, The Lincoln Memorial and a hundred dollar bill with the slogan “Make the Right Choice: Vote for Darrell” plastered all around the school. Apparently, they didn’t “make the right choice” for me though because um yeah, I came in second and lost lol. In hindsight, it’s possible that Russia could have possibly hacked the polls so I may have to go back and demand a recount… Just kidding! I lost fair and square to an eighth grader, but I’d be back… ugly pants and all! Big hair, don’t care lol.
Actually, that hair almost derailed my bid for president too because during the summer in between 7th and 8th grade I tried an awful hair experiment that went VERY bad.
So yeah, if you read my last post, you know that I’m a huge Michael Jackson fan. Always have been – I owned all the albums, the red zipper jacket, all of that. Anyway, I had this ill-fated idea to try and straighten my hair like MJ so I could see what it would look like! Ha, I really thought I’d look cool so I was excited to try this for months! Ugh, I should have just bought a costume wig or something! This was before Photoshop was popular so I couldn’t test it out first but yeah, in my head it seemed like a really good idea! But it wasn’t lol not even close.
Ha sorry, there were absolutely no pictures taken of that look but yeah, it was awful!
First of all, my mom had to help me put this stuff called S-curl in my hair to straighten it and that stuff burned like a thousand red ants and a million mosquitos crawling on your scalp. And then once I washed it out, my hair was completely straight like Kat Williams or something! Man it was bad! REALLY bad (Bad? Hey, that’s a Michael Jackson album – so I guess I pulled it off after all!) lol but it would have taken months to grow back and I couldn’t wear hats 24/7. So what you’re looking at in that class pic was the result of my solution which was the use a heavy duty blow dryer with a comb attachment every morning to restore my hair to its glorious heights again! Yep… #DoubleFML indeed.
Anyway, in eighth grade I doubled down on the propaganda posters and ran for student body president. I was neck and neck for the top spot in the polls with this girl Kelly who also happened to be a friend so we sat next to each other in half of our classes despite being rivals. She was very pretty and popular too so I knew that I had to break out something huge for my final campaign speech if I was going to pull off the win! So I brought background music and performed an original rap to seal the deal (New music coming out very soon btw! Stay tuned…)! Again, that speech is somewhere at my parent’s house, but I think the first part went something like:
“Hello Thorne, my name is Darrell B and I think you should Make the Right Choice (lol yes, I reused my VP slogan and some of the posters!) and vote for me, I’m not kidding, you should take the advice on my sweater (I had vote for Darrell on my shirt lol), school was okay last year but I can make this year better, Trust me, would I lie to you? Don’t answer that believe me, I’m telling the truth…”
Okay there were obviously more lines but that’s all I can remember (C’mon Man ©ESPN MNF lol that was over 2 decades ago!). Anyway, yeah, that was enough to put me over the top and I won!
My biggest accomplishments during my term were bringing the first night dance to the school (yeah, that’s right current Thorne students, any dance that you have after 5pm is because of THIS guy!). I also hosted this cheesy morning show called Radio Wild where I’d play a current song over the intercom after I read the announcements since Thorne didn’t have an official radio program yet. I also lobbied to get a soda machine, nachos, ice cream sandwiches and Domino’s Pizza (instead of those dry frozen square pizzas they used to serve lol) in the cafeteria. Why yes, most of my initiatives revolved around food and music so I guess some things never change eh?
Obviously I didn’t do all of that alone so thanks to Alyson – Vice President, Gina – Secretary, Megan -Secretary and Vicki – Treasurer (and our incredible advisor Mrs. Chenoweth). My gift to you all is not posting your pics on this blog too since I’ve already tagged you on Facebook in old photos from that era! For those of you who haven’t seen those pictures already and need a visual though, I can at least help you form a mental picture since I’m not posting one here. Okay, so first surround my class picture with 4 beautiful girls. Now, since this was New Jersey in the early 90s, give those girls bigger hair….bigger….keep going….no seriously, bigger. Okay, now add more product and create a wall of hair in the front of each of them that resembles a satellite dish or a claw. Perfect! That should about do it lol (one day I’d like to go back to Thorne with the 4 of them and recreate our looks from that time period for an epic throwback picture! Next time I’m in town ladies, that’s your warning!).
We had a great time representing the Thorne Lions though. Oh yeah, that was our mascot, the lions. Actually, my mascot for high school (Middletown North) and the elementary school that I attended for first and second grade (Middletown Village Elementary) was also a lion. Lol I guess Middletown REALLY loves lions eh? Although at least lions are tough so that’s cool. The mascot of the elementary school that I went to for grades 3-5 (New Monmouth Elementary) was a whale! Huh? Where did that one come from? Although during a discussion with my friend Mallory about school mascots, I mentioned the whale years and she pointed out that it could technically swallow all the other mascots like Jonah (read a bible heathens lol) so maybe that is actually the toughest of all (in the water at least lol on land not so much)? At least it wasn’t a Pelican though! Sorry not sorry New Orleans lol but why would you name your NBA team that?
Not exactly intimidating lol. All I ever think of when I see that logo is the “Mine! Mine!” birds from Finding Nemo lol. That’s almost as bad as the Human Being mascot on the show Community, but the difference is that was a sitcom lol.
Anyway, it was a fun year with lots of great events. I promised Kelly that I wouldn’t run in high school and I kept that promise however I did serve as president of my freshman year dorm at Rutgers (What up Barr Hall?!) . That will most likely be the last political post I ever hold since I’m more interested in entertainment than politics but if a “President of overeating and bad decisions” position is ever a thing, I’m in!
Speaking of eating, let’s move on shall we?
So today I’m putting you on to some guilt free ice cream from Halo Top! Most healthy ice creams taste like my Michael Jackson hair looked (bad, very bad) but this? Wowwwww! I tried out the Cookies and Cream, Smore’s and Red Velvet flavors and all 3 were great! But they have about 20 different flavors to choose from. Best of all, the whole pint will only cost you 240-360 calories total depending on the flavor! That’s right, for the whole pint! So if you actually stick to the half cup serving size you’re only looking at 60-80 calories per serving! What?!
It’s sweetened with organic stevia and contains a short list (see my fitness tip from the last post about nutrition labels!) of other organic and all natural ingredients but yet it really does taste like regular ice cream! Short of possibly making your own using protein powder (recipe shown on The Skinny with Fat Darrell episode 1: Hammer Time ft. an interview with MC Hammer, a boot camp style workout and more – click here to watch) this is as good as it gets! Halo Top – Thumbs Up!
For more information check out https://www.halotop.com/
Have a food item or restaurant you’d like for me to check out? Comment below!
Today’s Fit Tip piggy backs off the last piece.
Most of your nutrition each week should be quality foods so finding ways to substitute junk with healthier options that still satisfy your cravings will help you stay on track. There are so many great options out there and tons of recipes online so making healthier choices has never been easier….or tastier! Stick to these choices most of the time and then allow yourself a cheat meal or 2 each week to ignore the rules and eat whatever you want. Nobody says that you have to be miserable in order to reach your fitness goals! It really is about balance and moderation.
And once again, in case you missed it in the last segment, The Skinny with Fat Darrell episode 1: Hammer Time has an awesome boot camp style workout that you can try (plus an interview with MC Hammer and much more) so check it out!
Have a fitness question you’d like answered? Comment below!
So last week I rocked my Tu-Pac-Man tee but I forgot to show you the belt that I had on…so here it is!
Ha, yes, that’s a Pac-Man Belt people! Pellets and ghosts all day, I’m about that life lol. Hey, you know what? This belt actually matches the ugly shirt I have on in that class picture! I may need to dig that out of storage (hahaha kidding about digging it out, but yes, I do still have it somewhere…). Oh yeah, and shoutout to my brother Dwayne for the cool Rutgers tee!
Okay, so I’m doubling up on the show and tell this week. The following was my farewell speech as President of Thorne Middle School and was delivered at our middle school graduation ceremony. Obviously, it’s relevant for today’s topic but this one also goes beyond the blog.
The theme of our graduation ceremony was “That’s what friends are for” so that’s the topic that I wrote this speech based on (and when I was done speaking, we all broke into an off-key version of the song by Dionne Warwick lol this video is also at my parent’s house, I promise, I’ll dig all this stuff up soon!).
Although I was a kid when I wrote this speech and it was decades ago, hopefully it helps a few of you because man, I’ve seen a lot of long standing friendships fall apart in recent weeks. Friendships that go back even further than eighth grade! Blah, life is short man. Sometimes for the good of a relationship, it’s best to just agree to disagree but hey, what do I know? I’m just a man in a Pac-man belt eating a burrito (with an ice cream chaser lol #greedyaf). Anyway, here’s the speech! Warning, it’s a little sappy…oh yeah, and make sure to break into song after you finish reading it!
“Members of the Board of Education, Dr. Holtzman, Mr. Pietckowitz, Mr. Oullette, faculty, parents and friends. Graduation day is finally here. We have all waited 3 years for this moment to arrive. As we all look back at events that occurred during these past 3 years, we will seldom find ourselves alone. We always had a friend to count on for celebrating the good times and getting through the bad times. That is a point that often gets overlooked when we think of our educational system. We purely think of school dealing completely with academics. But social development is also very important. All students at some point, need to learn that we can’t go through life alone. Although most people associate student council with strictly running school programs, being a friend is also a job that we must handle. During my term as president of the student council here at Thorne, I have tried to be a friend to everyone. Together using both new ideas and previous ones, we made it a great year. And together we will make future years bright as well. In these past 3 years we have all gone through a lot together. We have seen 2 presidents, along with 2 vice presidents. The Olympics; the falling of the Berlin Wall, and most recently the Desert Storm War. But not one of us can say that we did it alone. At times in the past, times in the present, and times to come, there will always be somebody for us to lean on. So on this day, if nothing was learned or achieved in these past 3 years, we should at least realize that we all need friends. I congratulate each and every one of you here; the students for getting through Thorne, the teachers for getting rid of us, and parents…well your job isn’t quite done yet. I want everyone to know how much we need friends. A friend is someone to share times of joy and sorrow with, and to help in times of need. That’s what friends are for…”
That’s What Friends are For – Dionne Warwick (lol, yep this is the song…)
What About Your Friends – TLC (See how bright those pants are? Lol yep…I had them all)
Rollin’ With Kid N’ Play – Kid N’ Play (The inspiration behind my hair)
Living on a Prayer – Bon Jovi (The quintessential “Big Hair Jersey Girl” anthem lol)
Pour Some Sugar On Me – Def Leopard (Wait…or is it this one? Lol what’s up M. Dot?)
Bad – Michael Jackson (lol did you see my shirt in the last post?)
Here Comes the Hammer – MC Hammer (he’s the one I interview in the link I posted above a few times lol, and yeah, I had those pants too actually…)
If I Ruled The World – Nas ft. Lauryn Hill (It Would be Free ®Fat Darrell Sandwiches for all!)
Down Under – Men at Work (Can you feeeeel the Thunda?? Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi OI! Ha, this song was featured in Finding Nemo – Mine! Mine!…lol Pelicans smh)
Have another song suggestion that fits today’s theme or that we should just check out anyway? Comment below!
Well that wraps up another edition of #DoubleFML but I’ll be back again on Monday. Feel free to drop your eighth-grade photos on the Fat Darrell page on Facebook too (don’t be scared, I did it!) lol we can continue this conversation over there! Also follow me on Instagram and Twitter Mmkay? Thanks! As always, if you like the page, please like, comment and share and yeah, that’s a wrap. Make it a great day people!
24 thoughts on “Big Hair, Don’t Care! Recapping the Historic Reign of the First Black President (…of Thorne Middle School)”
Not sure if I should be flattered that the song that reminds you of me is reserved mostly for pole dancers. And I’m a cage dancer…geez…XOXO, M-Dot
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Hahahaha this can be your theme as you walk to the cage lol
I currently use ‘You Shook Me All Night Long.’ But can definitely switch it up!
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Darryl for president!!! Halo top for everyone!!! 🙂
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Hahaha no way lol I don’t want those problems! Definitely not Darrell for president lol
Haha,, of course your campaign platform was about food,,,I remember that speech and the Hair and the clothes,, haha,,I didn’t know that you were responsible for bringing the first night dance to the school though,, that was dope we got wild!!
I keep telling you to run for office Darrell
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Hahaha no way lol too many headaches with that job I’d rather just entertain people but thanks for the comment and yeah that night dance took a lot of begging but we pulled it off!
Im still having visuals of you sporting Katt Williams hair! 😂😂😂
Lol!! tooo funny!
I had my VERY TALL hair experience myself back then lol! Shout out to Aqua-Net!
I say you campaign again! ..Darrell for President! Yasssss! you’ve got my vote! The new 👑LION KING! 👑 LOL!! ..ahhhh there’s a song to add..
In the jungle..the mighty jungle..the Lion sleeps tonight..waa ooooo ooooo…💃😂😂
Love it! awesome blog AS ALWAYS!
Thanks for the laughs xo
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Hahaha still nope lol I’m not running for president but I do need to see those Aqua Net pics so feel free to post those! lolol thanks again for commenting! Glad you enjoy the blog!
Omg, im laughing ao hard reading about ur MJ hair style. .. omg i can imagine what looked like, lol.. like also part of nutrion, covering bad craving with sumthing healthy, thanks for always putting nutrion posts in ur blog
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Thanks Christina! I’m glad you’re enjoying the posts lol yeah that MJ hair was awful! 😂😂😂 Thanks for your comment!!