Hey what’s up everybody? So after my last post, many people assumed that was my most embarrassing New Jersey Transit story ever but shockingly enough – it’s not! Lol, Nope. THIS is my most embarrassing NJ Transit moment…or at the very least it’s a tie lol:
So it was a gorgeous summer afternoon and… actually the entire day had been perfect up to that point. Almost too perfect, so I should have known lol. But yeah, I trained a few of my favorite clients that morning at the gym and then I crushed some PR’s (personal records) during my own workout too! I also got paid that day and I was given a free breakfast sandwich at the café! (score!) One of my clients also owned a car wash so he gave me a free pass to get the BatmoBenz (aka my car for those of you who don’t know me personally lol) shined up. Oh! And the mid-day mix on the radio was all throwback Reggae and House music (It’s time for The Perculator…it’s time for The Perculator…)!
The toll booth leading onto the Garden State Parkway was being worked on so they too waived me through for free (like a boss! VIP baby!) and I also didn’t hit any traffic on my way up to the music studio to drop off a few files. It was as though I had a four-leaf clover strapped to my chest or something lol I was beginning to feel invincible. Seriously, I was carpe-ing the hell out of this diem! I could do no wrong so I decided to cap off this perfect day with a trip to NYC to hang out with a friend.
As I pulled up to the Metro Park train station what do you know? Another car was backing out of the very first parking spot closest to the platform leaving it open just for me! Seriously, ya boy was on fire! Plus I had just popped the tags off the new outfit I was wearing so yeah, I was kinda feelin’ myself that day. I was literally getting cockier by the minute lol.
So I grabbed my duffle bag, sprayed some cologne, threw on my shades and checked myself out in the mirror. Yep! So Fresssssssshhhhhh lol ‘so fresh and so clean clean’… Now, you know how when they smile in the toothpaste commercials you can hear those chimes as their teeth glimmer and sparkle? Yeah, that’s how I felt by that point. Like I said, I was getting cockier by the minute, but don’t worry, I was about to get humbled real quick because when I turned around and looked toward the waiting area, there she was…
“Who was ’she’” you ask? She was 5-feet of OMG that’s who she was! Golden brown skin, long silky hair, gorgeous eyes, pouty lips…she was literally glowing. It was as though the heavens parted and manifested this goddess that stood before me. And don’t even get me started on that sundress she had on. Even her curves had curves. Lawd have mercy lol.
So bear in mind, I was still walking across the parking area and she was still quite a distance away but I could have sworn that she was looking my way and checking me out! But I’ve made the mistake of accidentally waving to someone who I thought was waving at me before (lol several times actually) so I was not going to make that mistake here! I casually pulled off my shades and used them to check behind me but nope, there was absolutely nobody else back there! Taking off the shades also allowed us to actually make eye contact now and yes, she really was looking at me!
What?! I knew I was having a great day but could it really be THIS great? Seriously?? Wow! Maybe karma was finally rewarding me for getting robbed in the 3rd grade spelling bee finals (another story for another day) or for getting ripped off by the tooth fairy (yeah, I’ll get to that one later too) or for actually paying to watch Speed 2 Cruise Control in the movie theater (Uggh I’ll never get those hours back)?
Seriously, this was too good to be true! I still wasn’t fully convinced yet but as I thought about how amazing this day had been, I broke out into a huge smile and….whoa, she smiled back at me! She even did that cute little look away, look-back wink smile move that girls use to flirt (lol don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about…)!
Oh yeah, NOW it was most definitely on! By this point, my confidence had been ratcheted up to a thousand! So yeah, I stuck my chest out a little bit and busted out that ‘smoovie-smoove playa swag walk’ lol. You know, that pimp with a limp stroll? Yeah man, if I was a dinosaur, my classification would have been Swaggerdactyl (wtf? Lol) – it was about to be on like Donkey Kong! Oh yeah, that’s right. It’s a good thing that I’m a certified fitness trainer because I was about to hit her with a flurry of words so slick she would need a towel and some CPR to recover!
Um yeah, or at least that was the plan lol.
So I was about 200 feet away from her at this point. Now, the way the station is laid out, there’s a small barricade that filters all the pedestrians to the walkway where it’s safe to cross the street to get to the waiting area where she was standing. The barricade is only about 3 feet high and runs parallel to the road. There weren’t any cars coming or anything though so why waste all those extra steps to get the crosswalk (I didn’t pay much attention during high school math but I did remember that whole ‘straightest path is the shortest path thing’ so um yeah, thanks Mrs. Clem!)? I mean, just that morning, I had jumped on boxes much higher than 3 feet during my workout so why not dazzle her with my athletic skills eh?
Or again, at least that was the plan…
So yeah, I’m getting all giddy with excitement. My brain is running a mile a minute thinking about our first date, our wedding, the honeymoon, our future house full of kids…the whole 9 lol I could already picture it.
She started putting on lip gloss and playing with her hair as she drew me deeper and deeper into her hypnotic eyes. By now, my heart was beating out of my chest…I couldn’t wait another second to get over there and get things poppin! Our unspoken chemistry was insane!
I was still looking at her, she was still looking at me, so I started strutting faster toward the barricade and in one foul swoop, I launched myself into the air!
…Time stood still and many thoughts ran through my mind at this moment.
“Maybe I should have taken a second to time and prepare for that jump first?”
“Man, my legs are tired from that workout this morning”
“Hmm, I’ve never done this in dress shoes before…” and
“How did Precious eat that whole bucket of chicken while running at full speed?” (That thought had nothing to do with the current situation it just genuinely baffles me…)
Now, despite all of those issues, I actually had enough height on the jump. Had I been focused, I may have been able to tuck my legs and clear it easily. But no, “Mr. Invincible” decided to look over at her and give her a wink and nod in mid-air causing me to lose sight of my trajectory and clip the top of the barricade with my right foot!
Once that happened, it was all over man, lol I ended up tumbling over the divider and into the street! My outfit got all scuffed up. My shades went flying! My bag also went flying and half of the items spilled out (Including a half-eaten sandwich, loose change, underwear and socks lol you name it)! So my stuff was scattered across all the lanes. Cars were now approaching and honking at me (gotta love New Jersey!) so I’m pathetically trying to scoop everything up lol but then I had to go back and find my shoe since it fell off when it hit the barricade. So I had to block the traffic lane once again to hop back over and look for it!
So um yeah, I didn’t get her number lol. I didn’t even want to see her response (or anybody else’s!) so I threw my now broken shades on and scurried up to the platform until the train arrived. Again, I don’t get embarrassed too easily so by the time that I got to NYC, my swag-walk was back…but that was partially due to my knee getting banged up when I tripped so the limp was actually real this time! Oh and if you’re wondering, yes I did still finish that sandwich. (#greedyAF lol)
Okay, so let’s go into a few fitness takeaways from that sad but true story, shall we?
Lol okay so Fit Tip #1: Always concentrate and remain focused during your workouts, especially if you’re doing something high risk such as box jumps or lifting heavy weights. If you’re distracted, you could potentially injure yourself or end up with a bruised ego at the very least!
And Fit Tip #2: Always wear proper fitness attire and footwear otherwise you may not be able to perform at your highest level and will be more susceptible to injuries.
Have a fitness question you’d like answered? Hit me up in the comments below!
Have a question about how to approach women? Hmm, you might want to ask a more qualified source lol. Actually, my little nephew Domonick could probably teach you a thing or 2. Now that kid’s got some serious game!
Speaking of game (see what I did there?)
When you’re hanging with the G’s and you suddenly feel the urge to gobble up some pellets and exact Poetic Justice on a few ghosts, you’ve got to rock this Pac-Man tee yo! Honor both kings of 90’s hip-hop by accessorizing it with this Biggie Hat and these Biggie and Pac Sox from Oddsox! ‘Aint nothing but a gangsta party’ – but this party has 2D video games and Capri Suns for all the homeys! West Siiiiiiiddddde!!!!
Are you a real OG? Go ahead and drop the names of all the Pac-man ghosts in the comments section without cheating and looking them up!
So apparently my Oreo review inspired Faith in Seattle, WA to give the Chocolate Strawberry flavor a try and according to her, it’s also a thumbs down! I didn’t even know that flavor existed so wow, good intel Faith! I’m still suffering from emotional trauma after trying the Swedish Fish flavor so I’ll make sure to avoid these too if they’re as bad as you say! If any of you have tried other non-traditional Oreo flavors, definitely tell us about it so that we can better navigate this flavor minefield lol!
Wow, there are so many songs that fit today’s themes today! I’m going to stop at 12 but feel free to keep adding to the list in the comments below!
The Perculator – Cajmere (If you’re from NJ/NYC do you miss Hunka Bunkas as much as I do? Lol)
So Fresh, So Clean – Outkast (such an original song – haha this was playing in my mind as I strolled up to her…)
Love Train – The O’Jays (A little classic soul for ya…)
Jumpman – Drake and Future (Warning: This chorus will be stuck in your head for hours afterwards)
Jump – Van Halen (Ha such a fun song, still holds up well after all these years…)
Jump – Kriss Kross (I wore my clothes to school backwards at least twice when this song was out lol)
Jump Around – House of Pain (dudes who can’t dance get happy when this one comes on, all you have to do is jump up and down lol)
Jump For My Love – Pointer Sisters (another old school classic)
Jumpin’ Jumpin’ – Destiny’s Child (they were kind of like the Pointer Sisters of the 90s)
Apache (Jump On it) – Sugar Hill Gang (My cousins and Little Dom killed it dancing to this song at Christmas! As for me? I was too busy digesting my fifth plate of food to join in…again #greedyAF lol)
Ambitionz Az A Ridah – Tupac (when I interviewed 8x Mr. Olympia Ronnie Coleman he walked out to this song, ha it was lit lol)
Hypnotize – Notorious B.I.G. (Biggie Biggie Biggie Can’t you see?…)
I told you there were a lot of songs that fit today’s themes right?! But feel free to chime in below to keep the list going! And speaking of going, (see what I did there again?) that’s what I’m about to do. Once again, thank you for all the likes, comments and shares. I really mean it when I say that I appreciate you all! I’ll be back with another post on Monday but in the meantime follow me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter by using the social media links below! Until next time my friends…
Hasta la Pasta,
“I like them french fried potaters Mmmm Hmmm…”